Starting New - Xxxtentacion

Chapter 64 - The Question I Already Knew The Answer To

We've been in the studio for almost two hours now. Ki just finished up a song and I've been chilling here going through the explore page on Instagram as I listened, but all I was seeing on there was pictures of Jahseh. So I locked my phone and just watched around me.

Right now it's just me, Ki, and two producers, I think that's who they are. Kis brother and his girl just left to get food. I'll probably leave before they get back. I'm tired and I just wanna lay in bed.

"We'll be right back. You want anything?" One of the guys asked Ki.

"I'm good. Thanks" he answered back. "Stas, you want something?" He asked making the two guys look at me as well. I smiled and shook my head. And with that, they walked out of the room.

I grabbed my phone to see Jahseh hasn't texted me. So I put my phone back down. He texted me earlier asking me where I was. But once I told him, he didn't text me back. This was about an hour ago.

"You been quiet. What's up?" Ki asked me getting my attention.

"Me and X still ain't that good right now" I told him. He looked a little shocked. I opened my mouth to say something else, but my phone started to ring. I grabbed my phone to see Jahseh FaceTiming me. "Sorry hold on" I said to Ki quietly. I guess because I'm surprised he's calling me after he never texted me back. "Hey" I said quietly as I answered the phone. His face popped up on the screen letting me see he's lying down in his bed.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" He asked me.

"Fine" I answered.

"Can you just come home?"

"Jahseh" I sighed and looked away from the camera.

"We can talk, Stas" he sounded annoyed. I looked back at the camera to see he's sitting up now. "We're gonna have to talk eventually. You're gonna have to come home soon and actually look me in the eyes"

"It's not right everything you said and did" I said quietly.

"Don't you think I know that? I know I fucked up" he stated. I just took deep breathes not wanting to get to into the conversation right now. "You got anxiety. Relax" he said calmly.

"How do you know?" I asked confused.

"I can read you" He told me confidently. I just stared into the camera not knowing what to say. Just admiring him staring back at me. "I know you too well babe" he said with a chuckle. I nodded slowly trying to keep my smile hidden. It's crazy how just his smile can make me want to smile. "And I can tell you're still mad at me"

"I'll see you when I get home Jah. We'll talk then" I said and he nodded.

"Ight just know I love you" I sighed and said back, "I love you too" then hung up. I put my phone down and just scared down at my fingers.

"So y'all saying I love you now" I heard Ki say making me look up. I was so focused on Jahseh that I forgot I wasn't alone.

"Uh yeah. Yeah we are" I nodded and sat back against the chair. He slowly nodded then smiled softly.

"You seem really happy with him. It's nice to see you happy again" he told me making me smile widely. I want to just rant about how in love I am with Jahseh, but I can't. Not to Ki. I'd feel bad. "I mean not right now because y'all fighting, but usually you're happy now" I giggled and nodded.

"Thank you, Ki" I said back with a smile. It's nice hearing that. Then something came to my head, the song he made. "Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"What's up?" I took a deep breath, glancing away from him for a second before looking back at him.

Even though I know the answer to this question, why am I scared to hear it?