A Summer's Secret

☼Chapter 21

21                                                

                                                     “Retro-what?” I asked my doctor as she yapped medical jargons all the way.

“Ret-ro-grade am-ne-sia,” Doctor Martin said, enunciating each syllable slowly, which actually made the whiteness of her teeth gleam against the Hawaiian inspired lampshade on her desk. She rubbed the sides of her temples as she stared at my now blank face.

I wanted to tell her that I was just a mere Senior high school student and that I did not understand more than half of what she just said, but then again I was the one who sort of guilt tripped her to doing this so basically I really had no right to complain.

“This amnesia causes your recent memories to be lost whilst sparing your remote memories, that’s like your childhood memories or memories that happened months and years prior to the incident. Semantic and Procedural memories are also spared, those explain why you can still remember the first or the fortieth president and remember how to read or write,” she carried on, adjusting her glasses as she did so.

In all fairness to her, she was really trying her best to explain to me what Retrograde Amnesia was all about, so I nodded my head at her explanation and as a matter of fact I actually understood what she said.

“So, can I still remember my lost memories?” I asked her drawling on my words. I was actually quite conscious that I’d show her how ignorant I actually was.

Her smile was forced, I could tell because it looked like she was biting her cheeks from the inside and the look in her eyes had pity written all over its greenness, and in that moment I could actually tell what she was about to say next.

“Usually, from the patients I had before, they weren’t able to remember those memories at all. Actually, events that happened nearest to the cause of the memory loss is almost always never recovered,” Doctor Martin replied and God I never knew it was possible to lose hope until now.

My face fell at what I heard and his face was the first thing that came to my mind, the face that reminded me of a bitter cold Winter we never experienced, yet deep down inside was a heart resembling a warm and blooming summer, so loving and caring and bright. My heart was close to breaking and I was sorry, I was so sorry that I failed him, and most importantly I failed myself.  

Doctor Martin studied my face like it was one of her samples sprawled on a Petri dish and studied under a microscope, “don’t worry, they say nothing’s impossible right? Maybe you could be the exception.”

I smiled at her attempt to cheer me up and thanked her for her time. I just don’t know what to do next now that I’ve uncovered the medical aspect of this gosh forsaken disease, and it sounded even worse than what I had in mind. 

As I went out of her office, I saw Claude sitting on one of those metallic hospital chairs that seemed to be connected to one another by solid metal bars. He was holding a magazine in hand, something with an architectural structure on its front cover. I smiled at my brother, yep he’s going to study Architecture in college, I’m almost sure with that.

“So how did it go?” He asked as he looked up from his magazine.

I didn’t expect to get all teary-eyed at his question but I just ran to him and he understandingly wrapped me in his embrace. I tried to stifle my cry but it was too late, tears were starting to fall on his shoulders.

“There there sis,” he said as he ran his fingers through my hair, “it’s okay, you’ll recover soon.”

I snorted at that as I pulled away from him, “she said there’s a huge possibility that I won’t be able to remember the memories I’ve lost.”