𝕤𝕒𝕟 𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠 • 𝕝.𝕙

five

As I stood before my mirror, I sighed, visibly disgusted by the sight.

I had just finished writing this stupid review about this stupid script that my stupid boss Joelle had asked me to do. It was Saturday afternoon. I was still wearing these ugly sweatpants stained with coffee and the Chinese takeout I had eaten earlier, and even though the sun was still out, it felt like the day was over.

Waking up early to work had been a weekend routine now- and even though we weren't technically supposed to work from home, I had to in order to avoid having a huge load to deal with on Monday mornings, days where I just wanted to do nothing, smoke cigarettes and drink coffee with Andy while talking shit about everybody in the world that wasn't us.

I picked up my phone from my bedside table, a tingle of annoyance rushing through me when I glanced at the broken screen that I still hadn't fixed. I had been supposed to go yesterday, but of course, I had found yet another way to escape from having social interaction with strangers. 

All of my most recent social interactions with strangers had been weird, anyway. Not a single thing felt right.

I looked yet again at the empty Starbucks cup that was now sitting on my chest of drawers (it had been a week! Why could I not let it go?) and Luke's face came back to my mind, and struck me like lightning. Oh, God. I couldn't let myself get a stupid crush on another person yet- even though I did believe that to get over a break-up, meaningless sex and flirting were almost necessary. But something kept me from doing that with Luke. Maybe because I knew it wouldn't be all that meaningless, even if I took all the drugs in the world and drank a barrel of vodka. 

His eyes, fuck, man. And that stupid smirk he had. Had I been not so shy and ready for another heartbreak... I would have let him take me anywhere, any way that he liked.

I was still hung on Oliver, and even if I hadn't spoken to him in eight days (I was counting), he still came to my mind time to time. I was very satisfied he hadn't tried to contact me, but there was still a part of my heart yearning for him.

Forgiving him for hurting me over and over again had been so easy when I took a look at his face, but now, it was hopeless. He would always be that person who would get shitfaced and come back to me, just to leave again. All of his friends hated me. They thought he was better when I wasn't around, but really, I was trying to rescue him. But there was the catch: he didn't want to be rescued.

I knew I had to get out of the house, or I would drive myself crazy again. There was a billion things to do in San Francisco, but I had no one to do them with. I could be really dramatic and drive to the beach to sit there and cry about how pathetic it was that I only had two friends, and that none of them could join me to hang out on a Saturday night. 

Lisa was busy with her toddler, and Andy with his crazy, controlling girlfriend. I could never win.

I thought about texting Luke, or if I felt bold enough, calling- but this was out of the question. This was dangerous. I would cling onto him and never let him go if he gave me the chance, and my abandonment issues would just be a generally bad thing to have going into a new relationship. And, I had only been single for a month, for Goodness' sake.

As I was staring at my phone, it started vibrating. Luke's name appeared on the screen.

For fuck's sake! Was he inside my head? What were the chances?

As I was hoping it was nothing more than a butt dial, I let it ring, until it stopped. There was no chance I would- oh, Jesus Christ.

"... Hello?"

"Hello, Alexis."

"It's just Lex."

Luke let out a chuckle. "Fine, Lex."

"What do you need?" I asked.

"Let's go out."

"I told you before," I took a deep breath. "I don't think us going out is the right thing to do."

"You've ghosted me for the past week. Why are you not texting me back?"

"Because I'm not trying to get involved with anyone."

"Right."

I looked around, and realised that it was either I stayed home alone and moped, or went out with Luke and had some fun. What the hell was even wrong with me? The hottest guy I had ever met in my life was asking to go out with me, and I was self-sabotaging. 

"I guess we can hang out," I took a deep breath. "What do you want to do?"

"Let's go to the beach," he said. "See, Lex... I knew you couldn't resist."

"Shut up."

"I'm picking you up in half an hour. Be there or be square."