𝕤𝕒𝕟 𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠 • 𝕝.𝕙

thirty-two

"I love you, Luke."

"I love you too, Lex. But you can't take back what's been done." 

I woke up in Calum's bed, feeling dirty and miserable. The time on the clock showed that it was seven in the morning - today was Sunday, or at least, I thought it was.

I couldn't feel any presence next to me, and when the realisation that I had dreamed of Luke for the first time hit me, I began crying. 

I didn't know how much I had been aching for him until this. I have no idea for how long it had been buried inside of my heart, and for how long I was planning on keeping it this way. But now, in this bed, in this house that I hated to know, I wanted him. I wanted to feel safe and to be with him. Nothing felt natural anymore.

I looked to my left side, and saw my clothes on the floor. Luckily, they hadn't been stained with blood, and my boston bag was tucked in a corner, far away from the mess. I wiped my tearful eyes and took a deep breath.

I got up slowly, my body hurting, but less than it had been the day before. I had been sick and feeling like I had been carrying the weight of the world inside of my head. I was in pain, but one that seemed a little more bearable, now.

I reached for my phone and noticed a couple of texts. My heart dropped when I saw who it was, so hard that it almost made me sick again. I didn't even want to open the texts. I wanted to run down on the beach and throw my phone in the ocean, for it to never be found again.

If there was one person who I wanted to see, and at the same time never hear of again, it was Luke.

I took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed. My knees were hurting, and I could see that I had almost bled through the plasters.

In the low light of the room, I squinted when pressing onto Luke's texts.

Maybe: Luke Hemmings

Why does your Facebook location say you're in San Francisco?

Maybe: Luke Hemmings

Are you?

Yes, Luke, I am in San Francisco. I am in San Francisco, half-naked in your best friend's room. And why did he want to know anyway? I very clearly remembered our last interaction. It had broken my heart harder than I ever thought it could. I had been left in pieces, and I still was. What did he want from me?

Once the initial rage had passed, it took me a second to remember that he was the reason I had come down here. He was in Los Angeles and there would be no way of him knowing everything that had happened, unless Calum told him everything. But that was too risky, even for him.

The only real solution at this point seemed to be cutting every sort of contact between me and the both of them, and to run away. But I didn't want to. While I didn't particularly care about what Calum thought of me, I still wanted Luke. He was the reason I was down here in the first place.

I heard the bedroom door open, and saw Calum walk in. He had a glass of water in his hands.

"Oh," he seemed surprised. "I thought you'd be asleep for much longer."

"I don't think I can get back to Portland for work tomorrow."

"Okay," he just said, taking a sip of his water. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"I'll get a hotel for tonight," I began standing up. My body was aching. "I'm just..."

"Well, let's go down on the beach to get you some fresh air first," he said. He was right.