Sad Poetry

Relapse

Up until today, I was four months strong,
It felt like forever but it wasn't very long,
I couldn't stand cetain smells or listen to certain songs,
They reminded me of cigarettes and self harm,
When everything in my head was messed up and wrong.

But now I'm clear, ah,
So clear, I'm here,
No longer gone,
All it took was an ember and a sad, sad song.

Like a switch, I'm me,
I'm in my right mind I've got my sanity,
I was never meant to be clean,
I do better when I'm burning.

Two months of therapy down the drain,
I like it better when I'm in pain,
I feel like I should shout it again,
Why not give into my demons when they're so uneasily slain.

They're a part of me now,
Time to embrace 'em,
I don't want to live when I'm fighting against 'em,
"Come on in,"
Get comfortable and settle in.

Come one, come all,
Demons welcome,
Help me fall,
You ain't so tall
Standing with me side-by-side,
I'll keep you with me wherever I go,
You'll walk with me during the day and cuddle me at night.

I'll never be alone,
Not a prisoner in my own home,
My demons set me free,
I know I'm sounding a little crazy,
You don't recongnize me
Do ya?
Cause for once your seeing me happy.

Buzzed off the bud I just threw in the trash,
I can still feel the ember on my thigh,
The sting lasts,
And I'm high,
Cruising on cloud nine,
I kind like it up here I don't want to come down,
Back to reality,
I don't like reality,
I'd rather fade off into my own head,
and fill the void of my lost sanity.

I don't feel regretful nor ashamed,
It isn't something that needs blame,
We all have our addictions,
How we deal with our predicaments,
We all got coping methods,
Some like alchohol, some like drugs, some are meth heads,
And some like me, cope with harm,
Whether it's burns on their legs or cuts on their arms,
It's all the same,
So don't look down on harmers with shame.

We're just like you,
Only difference is our way of coping is free,
What else should we do?
All it costs is our soul and sanity!
Not that much!
We don't have little of either anyway,
A drug, a cut, a woman's touch,
What's it matter?
We all die eventually someday!

What's wrong with giving in,
Or falling back?
It's not against the 10 commandments, it's not a fatal sin,
So what's wrong with accepting a relapse?

Jane / poems
A/n

This is in no way me supporting or endorsing self harm, though I know it sounds like I am. This poem is simply to speak aloud the thoughts of self harmers when they are lost of hope and see no problem with harming. Not all people feel this way, but many do; I do. I don't want to preach not to harm, because I know from experience it does no good. I'd rather give harmers someone to relate to. To let them know that though they may feel alone in their struggle, they aren't the only ones. There are many of of us who suffer depression and self-harm. There are communities of us. We don't have to be alone. You don't have to be alone. I won't tell you not to cut or burn or scratch, though maybe I should, but I will tell you my inbox is always open. I am always here, uderstanding. - Jane