Colour Storms: Shawn Mendes ✔️

59

"You are to me"
Bella Croft
Song: Ariana Grande, Be Alright

My hands cradled my small stomach. I was looking down rubbing my hands over my tummy, my barely there tummy.

All of this confused me. I wondered why the universe couldn't just leave me alone.

I was still grieving my parents, my brother and now I'm having a baby.

With death comes new life. I read that once, maybe on Instagram but this wasn't my time, was I ready for a baby? I'm twenty year olds, can I handle it? The crying in the nights, the body changing, boobs hurting, feeding, eye bags and the tears.

But maybe I did want a baby. A tiny baby. I heard the bond was incredible, you get a rush of hormones that flood you with love for the baby.

"Hi Bella, I have the results you asked for from by OBGYN" sidra comes in handing me the sheet of paper. "Thanks" I smile.

I had a check up this morning and I'm 8 weeks. She said maybe I didn't realise because I was lucky to have no morning sickness, also because I'm active my body was in a good condition. However I'll start showing soon.

I open up the letter and it clearly stated I conceived, aka I made the baby between December 20th till the 28th. She couldn't put an exact date because the sperm can live for up to three days.

"Bella are you okay?"

I look up at sidra with teary eyes. "I- I.." I couldn't get my words out, I had a knot in my throat.

The 20th the night I fought with Shawn, we had sex before we went to dinner. When he dropped me home I went straight to bed. No pill.

The 27th. I had sex with josh, this time I was a fool and jet lag got the best of me. I had the pill maybe a day later.

I blamed myself though.

But this baby could be good for me, right?

"I don't know who's baby it is" I sob into my hands. "Oh honey that's okay" sidra comes beside me rubbing my back. "What should I do?" I ask. I needed guidance, even if it was from someone I met yesterday.

"Well there's tons of options. There's women who can't have babies, same sex couples, couples who want babies. Or it could be yours. Whatever you decide Bella, everything's gonna be alright" she wipes my tears with her thumb.

"I've cried so much these last days" I say sadly. "It's okay to cry" she chuckles handing me another tissue.

"You should be happy today. You're going home, in your bed" she squeezes my shoulder. I nod getting off the bed. "Thank you" I give her a tight hug. "Just doing my job" she hugs me back then pulls away.

I grab my bag and the medicine given to me then I meet Shawn and Brian outside, ready to take me home.

"Ready?" Brian asks. I nod following them, Shawn takes my bag without saying anything and I let him. We step outside and I suddenly felt weak, How was I supposed to protect my baby from the outside world.

"You okay?" Shawn asks.

I hasn't realised that I had stopped walking. Shawn walks back up to me. I gulp meeting his eyes. Is he the father of my child? Would my baby have have his beautiful eyes?

"Bells" my name sounded sweet coming from him. I missed it. I step forward and hesitantly take his hand. He looks down for a second then looks content.

He then leads me to Brian's car safely. I missed holding his hand, I missed how safe I felt. Did he feel the same?

I get the back and put my seat belt on. "Can you take me to the cemetery before we go home?" I ask Brian.

"Are you sure? Don't you want to go home and rest?" Brian asks.

"Just go Brian" Shawn says before I could open my mouth. Brian nods and we set off.

I look down at my stomach seeing my hands over my belly.

Hi baby

Can the baby hear my thoughts?

"We're here" I look seeing the car had stopped. Was I really staring at my stomach for so long. "I'll be quick" I mumble. "Take as long as you need" Shawn says. I nod getting out the car.

I walk across to the small flower shop buying a few red roses and I find them.

"Hi" I sigh. I sit down and place the bright colours at the headstones. "I miss you guys" I whimper. "So I'm sure you guys are looking down at me and I'm sorry, I messed up daddy. I'm pregnant and I know you guys will say you still love me and it's my choice. I'm telling you guys I want this baby. I need this baby to keep me grounded. So congratulations, you're grandparents" I say sadly wiping my tears.

"And Ryder you're an uncle and I'm... I'm gonna be a mother"

A mother. I was going to be a mother.

I stay for longer in silence then finally got up. "I'll be back" I whisper then walk back to the car wiping my tears. I look up seeing Shawn was leaning against the car. He doesn't say anything, just walks up to me and wraps his arms around me, his chin resting on top of my head and my head on his chest.

"I'm so sorry" he whispers. "I'm so fucking sorry Bells"

I choke on my own tears and let out a sob. "I never wanted to hurt you Bella, I swear." I move back from his embrace.

Was the baby his? Was all I could think about.

"It's okay" I nod leaning up to wipe his tears. "I'm sorry too" I whisper. "Don't be, you're perfect-"

"I'm not" I sigh. "You are to me"

"Let's take you home" he takes my hand and helps me in the car sitting beside me.

But what if it was josh's baby? I look down at my stomach.

We're gonna be alright baby, I promise.