So I stayed one more day. The doctors told me I had lost a lot of blood and a baby.
They all came. Dana, Ken, Alex, Roman, Kendall, Jc, Meg, Brian and Jon. They all ate with me in my hospital room in silence. I had no appetite at all. I maybe had one bite then I would throw up then cry. Someone would hold me and the cycle repeated.
I asked where Shawn was almost every time someone came in and he would always be outside my room but never come in.
"I have the papers" Sidra walls in. The nurses did a paternity test as they were operating on me, Miss porter gave them permission. I glance down at the paper. "Where does it say it?" I ask quietly. "Here" Sidra points.
My breath hitches. I shove the papers in my bag.
"Come on" Sidra held my hand and helped me up. Sidra took care of me a lot, she showed me sympathy and even when I wouldn't talk she would just talk to me about anything but the loss of my family or baby.
I get up and she helps me get dressed. I was beyond weak and it showed.
I put on a pair of sweats, a large hoodie and a long grey coat. Despite it being summer I was cold all the time.
"Is someone going to take you home?" She asks. I shrugged and she nodded taking my bag. She opens the door but before we leave I hug her tightly. "Sidra can you please do me a favour" I ask quietly.
"Anything legal" she nods. "Josh. Tell me how he is. Please let me see him" I gulp.
She nods and opens the door. We walk out and Brian and Shawn stand up. Sidra lets go off my hand.
My eyes meet Shawn's. He still looked horrible but so handsome. He had changed, no longer wearing the bloody shirt. He was wearing grey sweats and a black nike hoodie.
"I'm just gonna see josh" I turn with Sidra walking away following her. We got to the room and she opens it up.
"Oh my god" I slowly go to josh's side. Sidra closes the door and leaves me alone.
"Hi josh" I take his hand. He didn't respond at all. He had wires all over him, his eyes were shut, grazes on his skin and he looked lifeless.
"I'm so so sorry" I place my head on his chest and close my eyes.
"I'm sorry I lost our baby"
"I'm sorry josh" I cry placing hand over my mouth to stop the noises. "The baby would've been gorgeous" I whisper. "And so incredibly kind like you"
I stay like this for a a few more minutes unable to say anything. I just listened to his faint heartbeat.
"Bella come on, they need to check up on him" sidra opens the door. I nod standing up, I lean over him and kiss his forehead. "Please wake up josh" I whisper then let go going out the room.
We walk out and I see Shawn holding my bag. He now had his hood up and was looking down at the floor. "Ready?" Brian asks.
Shawn snaps up facing me. I nod and they turn walking out.
"Thank you Sidra" I hug her. I let go and catch up to Shawn and Brian. I go beside Shawn and suck up my pride.
I take his hand and rest my head against his shoulder as we walk. He squeezes my hand gently and moves closer to me right by my side.
He opens the car door for me getting in beside me he pulls me into him. His chin resting on top my head. I hug him tightly and put my head on his.
I close my eyes letting myself relax into his arms.
"We're here" he says gently. I realised I had fallen asleep the twenty minute journey here.
Shawn takes my hand helping me out then we look back and Brian puts the window down. "I'm sorry for leaving Bella I have to get to work. You're stronger than you know" he says.
"Thanks" I reply. He drives off, me and Shawn walk up to manor. I open the door and he walks in behind me.
"You want me to stay?" He asks. I nod going back in his arm. This is all I needed right now. I needed him to hold me tightly and tell me I was going to be okay.
"I've got you Bella" he picks me up gently and carries me up to my room. He puts me in bed and he gets in behind me holding me, his arms around me and our legs tangled.
"Shawn the baby wasn't yours" I say quietly.
"That's okay" he mumbles. "I still love you. I'm sorry for all of this, I never want you to feel like this. I can't imagine the pain Bells" he says, he moves my hair back and kisses my cheek. His lips feeling so good on my skin.
"I need you" I turn to him. He places a soft hand on my cheek. "I'm here aren't I? I'm not going anywhere" he places a kiss at my forehead then pulls me into his chest.
He was my safety net.
_ Well brb gotta go cry
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