Colour Storms: Shawn Mendes ✔️

68

"What does that mean?"
Bella Croft
June 1st

I entered a state of drowsiness. My body was uncomfortable, frail and drained.

My eyes fluttered open and I'm met with Shawn's green eyes. He looked tired and scared. I watched as he gulped, blinked a tear formed in his eyes.

I make a small noise and move my hand towards him. "You're awake" he wipes his eyes and takes my hand. "What-" I let out a cough clearing my throat. "Here" he holds a plastic cup up to my lips and I take small sips.

My eyes raked his shirt. Stained blood red, he looked a mess.

"Shawn" my breathing got heavier and my chest was going up and down. My hands go down to my bump. "Shawn" I look down at my stomach.

I felt lighter.

"Where's my baby?" I place a hand over my mouth trying to stop myself from crying. "Where's my baby Shawn?" My eyes go back to him, his head is in his hands and he's shaking.

"Tell me where my baby is!" I take his hand shaking it. "Shawn please" I start crying even louder. I look to the side and press the red button multiple times. "Wheres my baby?" I sob over and over again.

"Miss Croft you're awake" the nurse walks in. "Wheres my baby" I ask. My hand was still clutched around Shawn's, my eyes brimming with tears again.

"Please I'm seven months. Is my baby okay?" I cry softly.

"Miss Croft I need you to calm down" she walks over to my side and takes my hand. "How can I be calm! Tell me" I shout. "Wheres my baby! What happened!" I scream and kick my legs.

"I can't- I can't do this" Shawn mumbles. He stands up letting go of my hand.

"Shawn don't walk away from me. You can't" I sob. He looks back at me sadly, his eyes looking sad and full of pain. "Shawn please"

"I'm sorry Bells" he shakes his head and walks out.

"Miss Croft you're heartbeat is incredibly high please just focus" the nurse takes my hands. I hiccup and cry for around two minutes. No noise coming from my mouth.

"Please" I plead looking up at the nurse. "You lost the baby Bella" she looks at me with pity. "What does that mean?" I knew what it meant.

"The baby Miss Croft is gone. This wasn't your fault. This is completely normal and we're going to support you the most we can-"

"Get out" I cut her off. She gives me a questionable look. "Get out" I turn on my side facing the blank wall.

I hear her sigh then she walks out.

I was mourning something I never had. I never had the baby. I never got to hear the first cry. The first laugh. See it's precious eyes.

Was it a girl? A boy? Who's baby was it?

Where was josh? Does he know? Does everyone know?

I couldn't comprehend this. From December 20th to June 1st. Within seven months I experienced the worst things.

Shawn broke up with me, he didn't love me. I lost my father, the one person I could depend on for anything. I lost my brother, an angel who didn't deserve to go so young. I got pregnant, a blessing and it brought a feeling I never thought I could feel. There were two potential fathers which did confuse the whole thing. Now I've lost my baby, the thing I never had but I'll grieve like I had.

I just lay here with my hands on my stomach that had gone all weird and empty. Tears were hot and going down my skin like an endless river.

"Bella?" I look up seeing Dana, Kendall and Meg. All still in there outfits from the gender reveal. They walk in and stand in front of me.

I couldn't speak and I guess they couldn't either. "Bella" Dana crouches down and takes my hand my from stomach. I take my hand back placing it back at my stomach whimpering as I cried.

"Wheres shawn?" I whisper looking down. "He's out there" Dana says gently. I nod breathing in deeply. "And josh?"

"Oh Bella. No one told you?" Meg sniffles. "Told me what?" I look up, the three of them looking absolutely scared to tell me.

"Please I can't handle anymore bad news. I just can't" I hiccup. "Bella you have to know or it'll hurt more after" Dana says gently.

I nod at her letting her know she could say it. "Josh he erm... he got into an accident. A car crash"

My heart skipped a beat. That's how my mother died and that's all I could think of.

"He's here right now but Bella, he won't wake up" Dana sniffles. "He's dead" I whisper. When I thought I couldn't cry even more the tears came out like I had an endless supply.

"He's not dead Bella. Don't say that" meg places a hand on my shoulder.

"You don't know that" I cry, I shrug her hand of my shoulder. "Please leave me alone" I sob into my hands.

"Bella you can't be alone right now" Kendall sighs. "I want to be with Shawn but he won't stay with me" I admit. I was so vulnerable right now and I had no care.

"Bella-"

"Please" I hiccup. I hear the door open and shut.

I closed my eyes and let my mind wonder.

How I would've loved the baby with my heart and soul. Held it so close when it was crying. Laughed when the baby laughed. Loved to feed the baby and watch the innocent eyes gaze into mine. The tiny little fingers and toes, how I'd loose sleep but it wouldn't matter as long as you were happy. As long as my baby was happy.

I've lost the memories I could've had. The first and second years of life, the sixteenth and eighteenth. I never got to hold my baby.

I've lost it all.

My peace which I thought I had. Thought I earned and deserved was ripped from me.