Colour Storms: Shawn Mendes ✔️

72

"I know. I just want to know you're okay"
Bella Croft
June 15th
Ariana Grande, Ghostin

"Here" Shawn's hand goes to my face. He holds my jaw and uses a tissue to wipe my damp face. "His mum said some beautiful words huh" I say quietly.

"She did" he nods. He move his hand. It goes from my arm, down the fabric of my black dress then to my hand where he takes my hand and plays with my fingers.

I move closer to him, my hands going to his chest, over his black suit and I hug him tightly. He holds me back and I close my eyes shielding them from the sun.

The day was bright and beautiful today. Josh deserved this, a beautiful soul and a beautiful day.

"Can we leave now, this place freaks me out" he says in my ear. "Let me just put these flowers-"

"Go ahead" he cuts me off, probably not wanting me to finish my sentence and hear me cry again.

I take the red tulips and separate them placing them at dads, mums and Ryder's headstone. A few rows back was josh. I put daises down then said a small goodbye walking over to Shawn.

"Are you hungry?" He asks as we walk to the car. "No" I shake my head. He sighs nodding. We get in and head back to the manor.

-
"Bells are you okay?" Shawn shouts knocking in the bathroom door. "Yeah just need a long shower" I shout back. 

"So everything's okay?" He asks. "Yep!" I reply. "Gonna order food. You need to eat, what do you want?" He asks.

"I'm not hungry"

"Don't lie Bella. You haven't eaten properly in forever. Burgers?" He asks. "Fine"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, go order the burgers" I hear footsteps walking away.

I wash my hair properly, shave my legs, exfoliate, put on a face mask as I dry my hair then put on some clean pyjamas, black cotton shorts and Shawn's grey hoodie.

"Bella!" Shawn walks around the corner and straight into me. My hands go to his chest and his go to my waist. "Sorry" He mumbles.

"Just checking on you" He says. "You checked on me ten minutes ago" I say.

"I know. I just want to know you're okay" he sighs. I take his hand in mine. "I'm okay" I nod. "Really really?" He asks.

"Really really" I nod. "I erm want to talk to you" I say looking up at him. "You are" A smile falls on his lips. I hadn't seen that smile in a while. He was gorgeous, I missed him smiling.

"Can we sit?" I ask. He nods and leads me downstairs to the living room. I sit beside him on the sofa.

I breathe in deeply.

"Don't stop me okay" he nods in response. "I'm sorry Shawn. I really am. I know you hear me cry at night, you hold me until I stop or some nights I don't stop, yet you still hold me and I need you to keep holding me. You've been so understanding, you've been so good to me and  I'm putting you through more than one ever should" I move closer to take his hand.

"I know I'll get past all this pain or loss or whatever but I need time and I appreciate you so much for this, for being so kind to me. I'll think of josh from time to time and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for all this, for putting this pressure on you to be there for me. I'm sorry Shawn" I finish and finally scan his face.

He looked calm and emotional.

Shawn moves to me. He engulfs me in a hug and kisses the top of my head.

"I wouldn't want to be doing this for anyone else. I want to hold you, I want to be here. Don't apologise again" he says gently.

"You could put me though anything Bella Croft and I would still love you with my whole heart. I still love you. I love you Bells, don't say it back. I know you're heart is aching and mind is confused but I'll wait" I look up at him placing a hand on his cheek.

"You're so good to me Shawn. You deserve the world. I hope you never feel hurt, never feel the pain I'm feeling" I whisper, voice cracking with emotion .

"I wish I could take away your pain and put it on me. I wish I could just hold you, absorb the hurting. I'd rather feel all the hurt, sadness and pain than you" his eyes become shiny with tears.

"We're in this together" his forehead goes against mine. It was so intimate.

I nod not being able to talk. I move my body, cuddling up to him, our bodies fitting so perfectly. I put my hands over my stomach and close my eyes briefly.

"Food is here" Shawn shuffles. I open my eyes and move out the way for him. He goes and quickly returns. "Eat up, you haven't been eating properly" he says opening up the food, I reply with a nod.

"Oh I got you some cookie dough ice cream, a chocolate shake and strawberries for dessert" he says sitting back. "Thank you" I sit back with him. "Here, open up" he holds the burger he cut in half up to my lips.

"I can eat myself" I tell him holding his wrist. "I want to" He smiles. I nod then take a bite, the first proper food I've had in ages.

"Is it good?" He asks. "So good" I say holding my hand over my mouth.

"Good, there's more" he grins.

I found it's getting easier. Yes it still hurts but he's making it better. Shawn Mendes is making this easier.