Chapter 32 - Boys

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GREG

It surprises me that I have basically spent a full day with the twins and I'm not stressed. I've been paying close attention to how Ximena deals with them, and it's working for me, and so to see for them as well. They are well-behaved and I'm honestly having a great time with them. I promised them we would go to the pizza place and when we were about to order, they begged me to buy them a soft drink. I hesitated for a moment and then with kind but firm words I said no. I got groans and eye rolls, but two minutes later they were enjoying tall cups of milk, which is what Lewis always orders for them.

My mother would have bought me the soft drink, no questions asked. Her love was supported with food and she gave me everything that I wanted. Sometimes I wonder if she did that as compensation for the way Hannah treated me. I love Luke and Michael very much, but I won't let them experience what I went through, the mocking from other children and the embarrassing moments when I had to buy clothes only to find out my old size didn't fit me anymore.

If I ever get the chance of meeting Oliver, I wonder what kind of impression he'll get about me. Will he find me boring? Will he be interested in getting to know me better? The only thing we have in common is that I was married to his mother. I wonder if he even knows anything about her. He looks so much like her. I often stare at the photo that Vivian gave me and my feelings are bittersweet. It's like seeing my wife alive, but if he has already been adopted then that part of her will be lost for me. If he hasn't been adopted and I'm allowed to take care of him, I wonder if I'll have the patience needed to be a parent. I've seen the struggles Lewis has gone through with the boys and I assume that a child like Oliver isn't free of trauma. That makes me feel so insecure. Will I be able to give him what he needs? Will I love him?

"Ha-ha! I won again!" Luke raises his fist in the air. He had been playing air hockey with Michael and his winning streak is impressive.

"Only because Ximena is not here to kick your butt," Michael mumbles. He's a bit of a sore loser when it comes to competition.

"Michael, good sportsmen shake hands and accept defeat," I say. He goes to his brother and gives him a weak handshake.

It's curious how they include Ximena in many of their conversations. I still hold on to the hope that she will stay here after finishing her book. The boys have become attached to her and I certainly appreciate her company and conversation. She has also helped Lewis tremendously and I see him returning little by little to the man he used to be. If she leaves, it will crush him and my worries will increase. I've seen him at his worst point during his depression and have feared that he would attempt to end his life. It was one night in which he came to pick Luke and Michael quite late. He had a special request for a birthday and one of his ovens malfunctioned or so he said. He had a bandage on his wrist that he said had been a burn, but I had trouble believing him. Lewis was then an empty shell, almost functioning on automatic pilot.

"Uncle Greg, we have to do this one," Luke points at a gaming machine with two motorcycles.

"This is the last one and then it's time to go home," I say while getting some money from my wallet.

I expect to encounter some resistance, but they do as I ask. After exchanging all the tickets for useless prizes, we get in the car and head home.

"Uncle Greg, is Dad going to marry Ximena?" Michael asks.

"I don't know. The have known each other for a short time, and today they are having their first official date. I thing it's too early for them to be thinking about marriage."

"I will never get married. You have to wear a tie, dance and kiss a girl," Luke makes gross slobbery sounds and it makes me laugh. Wait until puberty comes around.

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