Love Over Fear

Chapter 31

My heart sunk. Tenns eyes welled with tears.
"I don't wanna go. I wanna stay here." He cried.
"Tenn I can't do anything. If it was your arm I could cut it off but I can't. I'm sorry."
"Please you have to help me!" Tenn screamed.
"We can't. You have to make a choice, do you want to turn and then die or die and not turn at all."
"I don't want to turn. I dont want to be a monster. I want to be happy."
"Then we have to do it soon." Louis said.
"Louis go get my gun." I said. "Tenn come lay here." Tenn laid down with his head on my lap.
Louis cape back and I loaded it.
"Tenn I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I couldn't help you, just like I couldn't help Mitch."
He wiped the tears from my face and spoke.
"Hey, I'm gonna be alright. Heaven is gonna be nice, peaceful, and trust me, I'll look down on you, I'll protect you. I'll always be here, even if you can't see me."
I cried more. I knew he'd turn any minute.
"Tennessee I just want to know you are one of the most sweet and optimistic young boys I've ever known. And I think that's so great. I've always wanted to keep you safe." I stroked his short hair.
"Come on, you gotta do it. I don't wanna turn." I grabbed the gun shakily and I held it up to his throat. He leaned his head back so he made direct eye contact with me.
"On three." He started.
"One." He counted.
"Two." I said sobbing.
"Three."
I pulled the trigger and the gun sounded. I closed my eyes. I couldn't stand to see him die. It wasn't his fault. He didn't do it to himself.
I carried tenns body out to the grave yard. I walked shakily as I made my way. I collapsed as I made it there. Louis and ruby dug his grave. Ruby told me she knew but couldn't stand to have any of it. I put him in his grave but told them to wait. I ran up to my room and ripped all of his drawings that he gave me off the wall. I ran down and put them in.
"I'm so sorry. These were so good, keep them safe Tennessee." I placed his drawings in and then I placed mine.
"And here's mine. I hope you like it. Thank you for giving me the courage to draw again." I kissed the drawing and put it in.
"Hey that's of me." Louis said.
I smiled at him weakly and he smiled back.
He put the dirt back on top and I placed a cross on top that ruby gave me.
I looked at it and realized something.
"Ruby this is tenns writing."
"I know."
"But he couldn't have made this!" I say.
"He did. A long time ago. He said that he wanted to have his cross made so that if he died no one else would have to do it. He wanted everyone to match."
I placed it in and cried more. I cried for tenn, for Mitch, for violet and Aasim who never came back, I cried for Louis who lost his best friend. I cried for myself who lost my parents, I cried for everyone, I cried for this entire situation, this hell of a life that we were forced to live. I just cried. I cried as it rained I cried as the candle next to them started to burn out. I couldn't leave. My heart just wouldn't let me. It took me a couple of days to get up off of the pavement. Soon my heart started to let go.
My memory started to let the laughing and gamenights fade. It let the night that I first met then fade.

But I never truly forgot.

"Hi I'm Tennessee, but you can call me tenn!" His eyes lit up with kindness.

"How the hell did you get her to do that?" Mitch said pointing at me.

"You're like a little sister to me."
"Goodnight sis."
"Did you like to draw?"
"We can't teach you anything new can we?"

Louis held me as I sat on the chair. "It's okay. I know it's hard."
"I've lost so many people Louis."
"I know. But you've got me. And I will never leave you."
He rocked me back and forth.
"I-i miss them." I whispered as I dozed off.
"I know you do. I miss them too."
"Will we ever get out of this shitty life?" I asked.
"Maybe one day." Louis hoped.