BOSS [+18]

18. Fucked up

Hey guys, first of all 1k reads, holy guacamole I can't believe it!! Thank you for your interest in my story  and that's why i'm updating earlier today ahhahaha <3 I wrote this chapter on Jared's point of view so you can understand him (or not) a little bit. I hope you like it. Enjoy :) 

Jared's POV

"Have a good night Mr. Leto" she says holding her tears while she closes the door.

Why I have to be so fucked up and hurt everyone who is around me. It happens every time and it's not going to change.

Sent Harper away was one of the hardest things I ever done in my life. It's always been so easy to kick women out, but not with her, it really hurts doing that. But I can't keep with this thing anymore. She's with feelings I can see that. I'm not the love material kind of guy. She'd be even more hurt if I kept this for longer.

On the past I was the perfect loving boyfriend but my heart was shattered into pieces, and since then I decided that I was never going to love anyone ever again and I've been keeping my promise, until now.

No I don't love Harper, but I feel different when I'm around her, she makes me feel good, not just with the sex but with everything. I never saw women besides their beautiful bodies but that was it, I enjoyed my time with them and after that kicked them out of my life, quick and easy. But Harper, ever since the very beginning she was more than just a hot body, she intrigued me with her way and her personality.

I never wanted things to get into this point, on actually having an affair with an employee, but I couldn't resist this girl. I broke all my personal boundaries for this girl and I still can't understand what is happening to me.

An hour ago when she said that she really needed to leave to her place I felt my heart hurt a little and all I wanted to do was asking if she could stay with me because I couldn't stand the idea of her away from me again, that's when I realized we couldn't do this anymore with each other. I can't fall for her and she can't stay in the love illusion, it's simple and yes I was a jerk and a piece of shit with her but it was to protect her from what could happen next.

Life would be so much easier if I didn't had this trust issues and all this love problem. Why can't I just love someone and let myself be loved? Because you're a fucked up man my subconscious yells at me.

Yes I'm a fucked up. It would be so much easier just run after Harper and solve this whole thing, but is not that simple. I care for her enough to don't hurt her feelings even more when she'd be actually 'in love' with me. So it's better to stay away and make she hate me instead. I can live with that, it's not like I'm loved by all the women I've been with.

I'm sitting in the couch for god knows how many hours still staring at the door and I look my phone. All I can feel is the urge to call her and ask her to come back, and I can't do this. I need to forget this woman and that's final.

I look over my contact list, and found the number of the one of my ex flings, if I want to forget Harper I need to start now, so I decide to call her. She picks up immediately and I ask her to come over my house.

In less than hour she's here and I can't even show a slight sign of excitement, I can't feel anything. She keeps blabbering about her stupid model stuff and I just nod barely hearing what she says. When she makes a move on me to kiss me I feel sick while her lips are smashed into mine, her lips are nothing like Harper's and I'm getting disgusted by the minute. I still push myself to try something else but it seems like my always ready cock is not responding today, so I just decide to send her away. Not before she call me an asshole like a thousand times.

I go to my bed and try to sleep but all I can feel her smell in everything. Before I lay I go to my close to change and I found out the panties I stole from her once at the office are still in my closet. I sigh and just try to clear my mind so I can get a decent night of sleep. Luckily I quickly fall sleep.