Eternal Love | A Shawbrina Fanfic

Chapter 87- Oscars pt.2 (Exhale)

Sabrina's POV

Today is the big night, I'm gonna attend the Oscars along with Shawn while my parents will take care of Alex and Harry.
I'm feeling really nervous right now and it's not because of loosing, I don't care about that, getting nominated was already an honor, I'm nervous because of the interviews, I really don't wanna answer questions about my personal life right now, I still don't feel ready.
Also, today I'm celebrating my 90 days of sobriety! I can't believe I made it this far, at the beginning it felt like hell, I couldn't eat without throwing up, I couldn't even stand for god sake! I'm so glad that I'm doing fine, now I can play with my children all the time I want without being paranoid.
"Good morning beautiful!" Shawn walks in the room with a tray full of my favorite foods
"Since you were asleep I decided to prepare you some breakfast" I smile as he leaves the tray in front of me
"Thank you but you didn't have to" He gives me a quick peck on the lips
"Of course I had to! Today is a big day! Not only you're gonna win an Oscar but you're also 90 days sober" He replies to me as he sits down next to me
"I'm not gonna win an Oscar Shawn"
"Stop being so pessimistic and start eating"
"I'm serious, today I'm not gonna-" He puts the fork with some pancake on it inside of my mouth in order to make me shut up
"Okay, okay. I'll stop with my negative energy" my husband kisses me in the cheek
"Great, do you like it?" I moan in response and he chuckles
"I'm glad"
"I just don't like it: I love it. Damn this is the best breakfast ever"
"You deserve it"
"I promise that tomorrow I'll cook some delicious muffins exclusively for you"
"You don't have to"
"Why not?" He chuckles
"Because I want you to get some rest"
"But I'm totally fine, I've been sleeping four hours each night"
"Still not enough. I get that we're parents but you need to get al least eight hours"
"I'm totally fine"
"Do I gotta remind you of the last time you overloaded yourself with work?" I sigh
"No"
"Great" he smiles at me
"I'm proud of you"
"For what? I just agreed on sleeping more" He slightly laughs
"I'm proud of your sobriety. The fact that you've made it this far is incredible"
"It is" I take a bite of the chocolate bar
"Dark chocolate!"
"Yup, your favorite" I cup his face
"I truly, really, unconditionally, love you"
"Damn it's just breakfast"
"It's chocolate" we both laugh and he stands up
"I'll get ready now. Take your time to eat sweetie" I nod and he walks away. How sweet is he? I truly don't deserve him.

*some hours later, at the Oscars*

"Are you ready?"
"Absolutely not"
"Listen, we can retire last minute if you don't feel comfortable doing it, I'm sure they'll understand somehow" We're about to walk the red carpet and I think that if my anxiety keeps growing I'll get a panic attack. This would be my first public appearance and the fact that I have to smile to the cameras in order to hide my sadness and show the 'perfect and happy' side of me is really frustrating. I wanna be me, I wanna show my true self! I can't keep pretending to be something I'm not!
"I totally agree with you" I blush
"Did I say it out loud?" He nods
"Yeah, like I said, you're not forced to do anything" I take a brief moment to think
"No, let's do it" he frowns
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'll smile like everyone wants me to, I'll pretend to be perfect but the second someone will ask me about my situation I won't lie, I'll tell the raw truth, I don't care if I'll end up crying, I want my story to inspire others to speak up for themselves!"
"Okay then, we'll walk the red carpet and do some interviews!"
"Yes!" we high-five before walking to red carpet.
As soon as they see us photographers start taking pictures of us, they keep telling us how to pose but I just refuse to do as they tell me: I'm tired of people telling me how I should behave. I can't tolerate it anymore, not after what had happened.
After two minutes or so we walk away to do the interviews. I asked Shawn if he could stay right beside me for support and he agreed. Time for the first interview....

"Hi Sabrina!" this should be our last interview! We walk up to the interviewer and I hug him
"Hi!" he looks at the camera
"So we're here today with miss. Sabrina Carpenter and mr. Shawn Mendes" he turns around
"So tell us what you're wearing because you're both matching" I chuckle
"Well we are wearing 1996 Versace"
"Oh! We love a little vintage here"
"Thank you"
"Not to shade anybody but the fashion these days is horrible, I saw some terrible outfits tonight and I have to say that you're basically the only two who wear appropriate clothing depending on the event, who is your stylist?"
"First of all I have to say: you are so wrong man, there are people who are way more fashionable than us, second: we have two stylists who work together, their names are Jason Bolden and Tiffany Briseno. They're literally the best" Shawn replies
"That's awesome! You hear everyone? You have to hire not one, but two stylists in order to look as good as them" I slightly laugh
"Shawn, I've heard that you got a role in a movie"
"Yeah, well, I play Scott, he's the protagonist's best friend and even though he plays a minor role in the movie I'm very glad I got to play him"
"So: where is the movie coming out?" Shawn clears his throat before answering with a smirk
"Soon"
"Damn I hate that word! Have you seen the movie Sabrina?"
"No, I still haven't had the opportunity"
"Right! You're a very busy girl! In case you didn't know she is a workaholic! Tell us what you've been up to the last year"
"Well, I dropped my new album, then I toured for about eight months and as soon as I came back I filmed the third season of a show I'm a part of, it's name is So Close, in case you didn't know it's premiering in September and I'm really excited for you guys to see what's gonna happen to my character-"
"What is gonna happen to her?"
"Well, you'll have to see it"
"You artists are such a tease" We all laugh
"And she did all of that while taking care of her twins!"
"Well, I wasn't alone, Shawn was always there to help me"
"Sabrina, now it's time to get serious" oh no, here we go...
"I'm really proud of you, for what you've accomplished, you're 90 days sober today, right?" I nod
"Yeah"
"And I also know that you were sexually harassed by an employee that worked at the rehabilitation center, right?"
"Yeah" my time is now much more serious. Shawn rests his hand on my shoulder to comfort me
"It's incredible how, in a place they were supposed to help you, you got hurt even more, how did you feel when it happened?" I take a deep breath
"Well, it happened multiple times and every time I felt confused, angry and also scared" tears are forming in my eyes
"I don't really wanna get into details but I just wanna say: to all the girls who were or who are currently being sexually harassed, please speak up, it might be scary but things will get better, I promise"
"Well, thank you guys for the interview, I'll see you soon" I hug him
"I'm sorry if my question wasn't appropriate"
"It's fine, let's go Shawn"
"Sure" We hold hands and walk away
"You did amazing"
"Did I?"
"Absolutely, are you ready for the next of the night?" I shrug
"Yeah I think so" We take our seats
"Show some enthusiasm girl!"
"Why?" he rolls his eyes in annoyance
"Because you're winning an Oscar! Plus, you're performing"
"Okay Shawn-" he shush me
"Ugh fine"

The movie already lost two of the nominees, I knew this was gonna flop
"And the Oscar for best original song goes to" I sigh, I know this can't be true
"Exhale by Sabrina Carpenter!" I gasp
"What?"
"I told you!" Shawn hugs me tightly. What am I supposed to do? Right! Walk on stage! I get up from the seat and take the statue in my hands
"This is incredible! Like, woah! Are you sure your read the card right?" James looks at it and nods
"Well then, this is a dream. The fact that I got to write this song during a very hard period of my life for this movie was an honor and the fact that it won an Oscar really makes me feel like a proud parent: which I am by the way" Everyone laughs
"So yeah, thank you" I walk away while everyone is applauding me. How is this possible? Wait, they take the statue away as soon as I walk offstage. No! My baby! Oh well, I go sit back down and watch all the other categories, they all deserved their Oscar.
"The Oscars for best actress goes to" I bet that Emma is gonna win this! I really want her to win
"Sabrina Carpenter!" I smile, two Oscars in one night?! Awesome! I walk up there again
"Uhm...are you sure?" James laughs
"Yes you've won!"
"There must be something wrong guys! Literally everyone in this room deserves an Oscar except me"
"Oh stop underestimating yourself! You're not that Disney girl anymore! Take your Oscar and prepare for your performance"
"Sure, will do" I look at the audience
"Thank you again" I walk away and run into my changing room for the performance since I'm closing the event
"You won again! I told you!" Shawn screams as he walks in
"This is incredible! I feel so happy!"
"As you should be!" I can see the excitement in his eyes. He's so cute. I'm finally ready. For this performance I wanted to change into a sweater and a pair of baggy jeans. I want everyone to focus on the lyrics and not in the performance itself.
"And for the last musical number we have Sabrina Carpenter with her song exhale: the best actress who sings the best original song, pretty awesome right?" I walk up to James and he hands me the mic. I sit on a chair and my band starts playing

"I get it
But baby I tried
It's already hard to buy all the parts and then to use them all perfect
The world on my back
And not in my hands
Just give me a chance" I can't even face the audience. I'm literally looking at the ground

"I listen to my mama
Listen to my dad
Listen to my sisters
Everyone relax
Everybody answers shit I didn't ask
Think I'm reaching my limit" It's incredible how much I can still relate to this song, this is what I'm feeling right now

"Can I exhale for a minute
Can I get this out in the open?
Can I sit down for second?
Can I breathe?
Can I exhale for a minute?
Can we talk it out I don't get it?
Can I calm down for a moment?
Can I breathe for just one second?" My nervousness is slowly fading away. My legs stop trembling as I'm calming down.

"I put too much weight on words and glances I
I put too much weight on situations I
I put too much on myself thinking I don't deserve what I've earned yeah
I listen to the labels I listen to the man
Try to keep a sense of knowing who I am
I try to be an angel but I don't think I can
Think I'm reaching my limits" Being so vulnerable sucks, especially in front of everyone but I have to do it, I wanna do it.

"Can I exhale for a minute
Can I get this out in the open?
Can I sit down for second?
Can I breathe?
Can I exhale for a minute?
Can we talk it out I don't get it?
Can I calm down for a moment?
Can I breathe for just one second baby?" Damn it a tear streams down my face and I can feel everyone awing at me, I quickly wipe it away and keep singing the last part of the song

"Can I breathe?
Can I breathe?
Can I breathe?
Can I breathe?
Can I breathe?
Can I breathe?
Can I breathe?
Can I breathe?" I look up from the ground to see everyone's reaction, they all have serious faces and some of them are crying, even Shawn.
There are about ten seconds of silence that feel like eternity. Was I really that bad?
My husband is the first one who stands up and claps, soon after everybody else is doing the same thing, this is the best day of my life
"Thank you really much" I pass James the mic
"You were amazing" he sniffs
"Oh no, you were crying too?" he nods and I hug him tighter
"I gotta close the event now"
"Sure" I walk away and I after I go downstairs Shawn picks me up by the waist and spins me around
"Shawn!" He stops to hug me
"You did amazing! I love you"
"And I love you-" he kisses me passionately.
I love him so much.