Eternal Love | A Shawbrina Fanfic

Chapter 94- Emma Mendes

Sabrina's POV

I wake up by the sound Harry and Alex crying. They both have been having flu for about a week now and my sleep is almost nonexistent, plus, the fact that Shawn hasn't been around that much to help me really stresses me out more. When he comes back from his work he directly goes back to sleep without even talking to me, I swear if I dare to say hi to me he will glare at me and reply in a very rude way.
"Honey can you please get them?" I ask him
"I'm tired Sabrina, just go" he replies to me with a grunt
"Okay" I sigh and go get them
"Mommy!" Alex cries
"Mommy is here" I walk up to them and kiss their heads
"My head hurts!"
"And so does my tummy!" Harry whines
"I'm gonna prepare some tisane to relax you a little bit, okay?" I pick them up and make them sit down on the table as I prepare everything. I haven't felt so alone and empty for a very long time and I don't like this feeling at all. I feel like I don't have a purpose in my life anymore. I've already done everything that I was interested in doing and now I feel empty. Okay Sabrina, don't think about sad things, there's no need to cry in front of the kids.
"There you go! One for you and the other one is for you" I say with fake enthusiasm as I leave the mugs in front of them
"But I don't like it!" Harry replies with a grimace
"But it's good for you Harry" I kiss his head
"I don't like it too!" Okay, I'm starting to lose my patience
"What if I sing you a song later?" they hesitate for a moment but then agree with me, meaning that they'll drink the tisane.
"Good boys, you are my angels" After they're done drinking I bring them back to bed
"'Night" I whisper but as I'm about to get out of the room they stop me
"The song! You promised!" I smile, trying to hide how tired I am
"Of course" I grab the guitar and sing them a lullaby until I'm sure that they're both asleep. When I go back to my room I find an angry Shawn sitting on the mattress
"Hey, is everything okay?" he rolls his eyes in annoyance
"Oh I don't know, I was peacefully sleeping until you woke me up with that stupid guitar"
"Hey, no need to be mad. I was trying to make the twins fall asleep since you weren't there to help me"
"I'm sorry if I'm too tired after work to help you but I'm really stressed right now!" I try to calm things down, I don't wanna fight
"Listen, if you need to relax then you can hang out with your friends. I'm sure that some fun will help you"
"Are you saying that I'm boring?!" I frown, where the hell did he get that from?
"No I wasn't saying that!" I sigh in attempt to calm myself down
"God Sabrina, you're so hard to talk to!" Is he serious right now?
"Okay, first of all, you're the hard one to talk to here. I can't even ask you how you're feeling without being yelled at! When I ask you for just a little bit of help with the house work you refuse to listen to me and do other stuff instead!"
"I'm too tired after work!"
"I don't think that picking up a fucking plate is that much of a problem!"
"Why don't you try to work and raise two kids at the same time?!"
"I did! I did it Shawn! For almost two years! And I managed to do that because of your help!"
"Then why can't you help me?!"
"Shawn! I'm literally doing everything at this point! I can't take it anymore! I miss having someone by my side! Right now I feel lonely and I'm scared as fuck! What if something happens to the kids? What if I can't prevent it from happening? What if I can't do anything about it?! I need to know if you'll be by my side, helping me in case something goes wrong!" I sit on the mattress and start crying silently. I think that he might've noticed because his tone softens immediately
"Of which kid are you talking about? Alex, Harry or little Emma?" Emma, what a beautiful name we have chosen. 'Universal', that's the meaning of her name, universal, because that's how we feel about our family, it's a universe, a universe that might fade someday if we don't fix some things here.
I don't reply to Shawn, instead I push away the hand that he was rubbing against my abdomen
"You're scared about having another abortion?" I sigh and turn off the light
"Goodnight Shawn" I lay my back down on the mattress
"Sab, we need to talk about it" I groan
"Yes, Shawn, I'm scared about doing something stupid like falling and putting the baby's life in danger, and if that happens, I wanna have the security that you'll be there to help us!"
"That won't happen"
"You can't be sure about it! You know how clumsy I am! And you know it Shawn!" I take a deep breath
"I'm not asking you to be beside me 24/7, I just want you to spend some time with your family and interact with us without being moody and annoyed all the time"
"I'm sorry for being an asshole"
"I get it, you're scared too"
"I am" we hug
"Shawn?"
"Yeah?"
"I feel empty" he tries to lighten up the mood
"How can you feel empty? There's a baby inside of you"
"You know what I mean"
"Yes, of course"
"It's like I don't have a purpose anymore"
"You'll find it soon, I'm sure"
"I hope so" And with that our dialogue ends because we both fall asleep.

*the next morning, Shawn's POV*

Sabrina was right yesterday, I'm really being an asshole, I better start helping her, she might not be working anymore but she's pregnant and I can't let her do everything.
I'm still laying on the bed and when I notice that Sabrina is not beside me I get up to find her in the living with a plate of pancakes
"Good morning Sab" she looks at me with a smile
"I've finally found my purpose"
"Really? What is it?" I sit next to her on the couch. She's watching a documentary about Africa and its habitants, weird, she never watches documentaries
"I wanna go to Africa and help to build a school"
What?