I Found a Man

Kabanata 33

I stifled a sob when I saw my brother sleeping on the hospital bed. He has a cast on his arm and he looked really fragile right now. Sa sobrang panghihina ay umupo ako sa upuan na nasa tabi ng kama. My baby brother... ano ba ang pwede kong gawin para matulungan siya? I can't think of anything anymore. But I know I have to do something for me not to loose him.

He started to slowly open his eyes and I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and gave him a smile.

"Ate Kriseng." Hinaplos ko ang buhok niya.

"Kiko, kumusta ang pakiramdam mo." My voice was hoarse from all the crying. He just stared at me and I recognized the look he's giving me. I've seen them years ago... and I'm seeing it again. I hate seeing this in him. The guilt. His guilt.

"I'm sorry, ate." Agad akong umiling at niyakap siya.

"Wala kang kasalanan, Kiko." I tried to tell him. I want him to realize that he has no control over the things that happened. I want him to know that he doesn't have to bear all the pain alone. Wala siyang kasalanan.

Wala ngayon.

At lalong wala noon.

"I don't want you to cry." I hugged him tighter. I don't want to cry, too. But I can't help it. All this emotional roller coaster that was built up are now crashing like a water on the seashore. "Stop crying, ate Kriseng." I shook my head.

"I'm not crying." But he knows it's a lie, especially when my voice broke. Matalino si Kiko, bata pa lang kami para na siyang matanda mag isip. He knows when I'm lying, the same as I know when he is.

Hindi man kami magka dugo, magka dugtong naman ang mga puso namin bilang isang pamilya.

"Did you saw him?" He asked after a moment when he saw that I'm done crying. Wala siyang binanggit na pangalan pero alam ko na kaagad kung sino ang tinutukoy niya.

"Hindi ka ba galit sa kanya?" Napaisip siya bago umiling. Ngumiti ako.

"Galit ka pa rin ba sa kanya?" He asked me back. Ako naman ang napa isip. Galit pa ba ako? I know I was, but right now I can't feel any anger towards him. When I looked at Kiko, I know that he's expecting an answer. I smiled at him and I shook my head. "Buti na lang... Ate, I dreamt of lola Puring. She said that you're so hardheaded."

Napa tingin ako sa itaas at sumimangot. Ako pa talaga lola?! Tignan mo nga kung sino sa aming apo mo ang nakahiga ngayon sa hospital bed!

"She also told us not to miss her so much, it makes her sad." My eyes started to swell up again but Kiko remained smiling at me. He cupped my face and started to wipe my tears. "Simula ngayon ate, hindi ko na papasakitin ang ulo mo."

"Thank you, Lord!" Pagbibiro ko na ikinatawa lang ni Kiko.

Kiko was advised to stay for a week dahil sa arm fracture niya, at palitan kami ni Dad sa pagbantay. Meg and I had a video call and she told me that the hospital's blessing celebration was a success. The ceremony was held at the garden. She sent me videos and pictures of the event and I saw photos the employees enjoying the party, including the ones I've recruited.

"Ate Kriseng, gusto ko nang umuwi." Pangungulit ni Kiko pero inirapan ko lang siya. He groaned and I chuckled. Then it reminded me of his schooling so I put down the Ipad that I was holding and looked at him.

"Next month pasukan niyo na ulit." I said and he nodded. He was bored at home since it's summer kaya naisipan niyang mag drag race kaya ayan nakahiga siya ngayon sa hospital bed dahil lang naman di  sa kalokohan niya. Tumahimik siya bigla kaya lumapit ako at umupo sa tabi niya. "Gusto mo pa rin ba sa school kung saan ka ngayon?"

"I told you I want to go to a public school."

"Why?"

"I don't want anything to do with those fucking assholes in that rich people's school." Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig ang sinabi ni Kiko. He pursed his lips as he realized what he just said. "Sorry."

Napabuntong hininga ako at napahilot sa sentido ko.

"Alright. Pagbibigyan kita pero kapag hindi ka pa nagtino ikukulong kita sa bahay at mag homeschooling ka lang!" He rolled his eyes so I pinched his ear.

"Opo, Ate Kriseng! Tigil na!" Binitawan ko na siya at nakasimangot naman siya na hinihilot ang namumula niyang tenga.

We both turned to the door when it opened after three knocks. My heart started to beat wildly inside my chest and my breath hitch as I saw Zec walking towards us.

"Kuya Zec!" Kiko exclaimed that made Zec smile. Agad siyang lumapit at niyakap ang kapatid ko.

"Kiko? Ang laki mo na!" Sabi niya habang ginugulo ang buhok ni Kiko. "How are you? Okay na ba ang pakiramdam mo? Are you getting better?"

"Kunwari ka pa, Kuya. Alam ko naman na hindi ako ang pinunta mo dito." Nginuso ako ni Kiko kaya napalingon sa akin si Zec. Saka ko lang napagtanto na nakatulala na pala ako habang pinapanood silang dalawa kaya agad akong nag iwas ng tingin, umupo ng maayos sa sofa, at itinaas ang Ipad na hawak ko. "Gusto niya ba lumabas na muna ako para maiwan kayo dito sa kwarto?"

I looked at Kiko and he was wiggling his eyebrows at Zec! Sira ulo talaga itong kapatid ko. Anong iniisip niya? Wag niyang sabihin na kabastusan yan dahil ang bata pa niya! Pinitik naman ni Zec ang noo ni Kiko kaya napa aray at haplos siya sa noo niya.

"Kuya naman, eh!" Tinawanan lang namin siya ni Zec at tinignan niya kami ng masama.

"Actually, I want to talk to you first. Alone." Nahihiyang sabi ni Zec sa kapatid ko. Kiko's eyebrow raised and he suddenly looked at me.

"Ate, narinig mo? Layas ka na muna daw." I raised my fist at him and he just laughed at me. I made an l'm-watching-you sign before I went out the door that made him laugh harder before I closed the door.

Pagkatapos kong isara ang pinto agad kong idinikit ang tenga ko sa pinto upang pakinggan ang pag uusapan nila pero wala akong marinig kaya mas idinikit ko pa ang katawan ko.

"Excuse me maam, you won't hear anything because your brother's in the suite room and it's soundproof." Agad na napaangat ang ulo ko at tumingin sa babaeng naka soot ng nurse uniform at nakatayo sa harap ko. She was smiling at me like she's amused at what I was doing. Lumingon ako sa paligid at nakita ko na pinagtitinginan na pala ako ng mga tao. Agad akong tumayo ng tuwid at inayos ang damit ko.

"Alam ko, miss, nagbabakasakali lang." Sabi ko habang nagtatapang tapangan at kunwari hindi nahihiya.

"Pardon?" I shook my head.

"Nothing." I smiled at her and she smiled back before she left.

Nakaupo lang ako sa sofa na nasa waiting area habang umiinom ng hot choco. Ang tagal naman mag usap ng dalawa nababagot na ako. Dapat pala dinala ko yung phone or Ipad ko. Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa armrest ng sofa at hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako kung hindi ko pa naramdaman na may umupo sa tabi ko. I quickly opened my eyes and saw Zec sitting beside me and staring.

"I missed you, Krisandra." He said as he smiled and I realized how much I missed him, too. And I thought to myself, maybe it's time to set everything right.