19. HATE

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"Woo!" Several people shouted, that didn't include me or Kyle or Abigail. Even Andrew looked a little uncomfortable with the intense hatred with which we looked at each other.

Kyle was starring at me, his face a replica of stone. Not betraying any emotion. But I could see it in his eyes- he enjoyed torturing me so much... so much that he was willing to lose himself if it meant I lost too.

"Kaea... you don't need to do this." Andrew came over a little closer, holding my hand. "If you-"

"I think she can take decisions for herself, Andrew." He told him, not even looking at him. No, his eyes were on me. Full of hate, full of all black things I don't want to name.

"No, no- it's okay. It's just a kiss in a closet."

I would run away if I could, but that would mean that I lost. And, I didn't want to lose, not again. Maybe I could use this to my advantage, I could tell him he doesn't affect me. Take the instrument away from the player, take it far away and throw it and smash it and never give it to him. Take away his only weapon- his belief that I want him.

Tell him that I was not afraid anymore.

"Come on." Hannah pushed me, giggling. "Go on, you both."

I knew why everyone else was so excited. The bully and the victim. The hot guy and the average girl. The destroyer and the survivor. People often think what such a pairing would result in.

Only disasters.

Kyle was already standing by the door, and as I went near him he pulled me inside the closet and someone else locked the door from outside, casting both of us into a darker room. Pale blue light came in from a corner painting us both, and the heat from his body was so much more apparent now. His scent overwhelmed me, and I had to keep myself from going crazy.

This might not be easy.

"30 minutes." Someone said from outside. I was pretty sure that there was no time limit. They just made it up. All I wanted was to put some poison into the drinks, so they died like Joffrey Baratheon.

Yes, I hated them that much currently.

The space was small, and I could feel his body, touching mine. Hips and chest and shoulders. I was getting dizzy.

Nope, this wasn't going to be easy at all.

"Tell them no." I murmured softly. They wouldn't listen to me but they would to him.

"What?" He traced his fingers form my ears to my collarbone, light as a feather, almost like a dream. I wanted to tell him to not touch me, to go away but even that little contact made me sigh.

"Thirty minutes is..." I bit my lip as he nuzzled his nose into my neck softly, craving more. "...too much."

What was happening?

"Why?" He whispered, dropping kisses on my neck- exactly where his fingers were before. I felt euphoric, my body buzzing with every kiss, every touch. How could he do so much with so little?

"Because..." A flick of tongue on my skin. I shuddered "Because...I hate you."

Kyle groaned, turning me to him so that we were facing each other. I looked into his eyes, dark with lust. And, I knew mine were the same.

I didn't know if I was afraid anymore.

So, when he bent down, I took his lips into mine, and opened my mouth just a little. Our tongues danced, and I groaned. His hips thrust into mine, and stumbling and falling and not giving a damn, he pushed me against the wall.

The hard wall bit into my back, and he bit my lip. I pulled my head back, breathless. "But I hate you." I whispered, knowing I meant it, not sure if I wanted to.

"I know." He kissed me again, darker and deeper. My hands tangled into his hair, fingers sliding through his soft hair, hands touching his hard stomach. He was so handsome, so very handsome. He moaned into my mouth, squeezing my ass in response.

I wanted to care about what was happening, but I couldn't bring myself to. It felt too good. It was all him and all me. The feel of his hands on my body, of his mouth on mine.

I could feel his erection on my stomach and that turned me on but it also made me pause. If I go there, and I won't- I won't- there would be no turning back.

His hand roamed near my breasts, not quite touching- and it made me consider again. This was heading nowhere good. If he wasn't touching me there, it only meant that it would mean more.

Not just for me, for him too. And I wanted it mean less. And here he was, doing these things to me, stirring feelings I never knew I possessed.

I finally pulled my lips away, stopping when every fiber of my body wanted to go on. But I couldn't.

"What? What? Did I hurt you?" And for the first time, I saw concern in his eyes. And it came because he was kissing me, not because he cared. He never cared.

I shook my head slightly, trying to get out of his grip, but he held my hand against the wall, pressing his chest onto mine. I looked up at him.

"Let me go." My lips still burned and my body was still thrumming. I wanted to be in his arms again, kissing him, touching him, but I didn't.

"No." He didn't try to kiss me again, but he wouldn't let me go. He wouldn't let me go, and that was the root of this problem.

"Why?"

He gritted his teeth, knowing what I meant. His jaw flexed, and he looked into my eyes, pinning me with his gaze, but he didn't answer.

"I hate you so much." I whispered, looking over his shoulders. "What did I ever do to you?"

He flinched, letting go of one of my hands, and I was surprised to realize that I had never asked him this question.

"I could have lived happily, Kyle. If you were not there."

Rage burned inside his eyes, and he took my chin in his hands, turning my face up. "Now say it."

"Don't do this." It would only hurt us both, but I guess, he didn't care.

"Say it."

I looked into his eyes, and I remembered every damn thing he has ever done to me. He was my poison. When I thought about it, it was so easy to hate him. "I. Hate. You."

I gritted out the words but I couldn't stand to see the look on his face, as if my words meant anything to him, as if I meant anything.

"Don't look at me like that. You hate me as much, if not more." I wanted him to know that I knew. That I wasn't harboring any fantasies about us. That I wasn't-

A click sounded and the door swung open. Abigail stood, shocked at our position. Surprised to find us standing so close.

But Kyle didn't even move. He grabbed my chin and pulled me and kissed me again. It was tender and soft and loving and caring- everything that he wasn't.

Someone said something but it didn't matter. He was warm and soft and everything about him made my head spin. I didn't want him, I always thought that but I was seriously starting to doubt that.

He pulled away only when we had no more air, and rested his forehead against mine, panting. "I don't think you do."

He turned, and without looking back, walked away, leaving an angry Abigail and a flustered me behind.

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In the media box, you'll find "Not Afraid Anymore- Halsey." Say what you will of FSoG, the soundtrack is absolutely amazing.
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