Monster: A Werewolf Romance

68. THIS IS HARD, MAN

KYLE

No one ever told me that holding myself back was going to be the most difficult thing to do. When I said I won't stop her, I meant it. When I thought she wanted space, I gave it. I refrained from acting like a jealous, psycho caveman cause I knew she hated it.

I didn't kiss her, or touch her, or ask her out, because she would think I am manipulating her. So I sat like a dumb fucking doll, and I said nothing about what I wanted to say, because there was no one greater than me in this world who could fuck things up just by opening his mouth.

So I was as normal as I could be. I didn't pretend it had not happened. But I didn't bring it up either.

I meant what I said. I didn't even know when it happened, or how had I realised it but I saw her standing next to her car, and the thought of her going away... I needed to tell her. Just once.

And then she broke my nose. It had hurt like a bitch, and I definitely deserved it but when she said what she said, it hurt even more.

I had tried to put it out of my mind.

But that kiss just kept looping inside my head. I couldn't have what was mine and there was no one to blame but myself.

Mason had texted me that the rest of the rides had been dismantled, only the Giant Wheel remained. Since everyone was so tired, they decided to do it on the day after tomorrow, taking tomorrow off. That was fine with me, the man was going to arrive later that day anyway.

I sighed.

Mason throwing parties at his pool was as normal for me, as Kaea hating me. I was certainly in my element.

Or I was, until Kaea came in, a cropped shirt, and booty shorts. Her bathing piece visible under the shirt, pinkish under her shirt. I wondered why was the universe hell-bent on testing every bit of self-control I had. Then she went inside, and came out, a little shy, the pink suiting her light brown skin like they were made for each other.

I groaned inwardly, trying to tear my eyes away from her.

She looked at me and gave me a small smile. I nodded a hello, and gulped, my mouth dry.

Abigail and Andrew stood at the far end, waving at her, and making their way towards her as she stood there amused. I decided this was not something I should miss. Abigail had just smirked at me when I had raised my eyebrows in question. She had then pulled Andrew towards her and surprisingly not tried to eat his face.

Good on her.

I stood by their side, and Kaea smelled amazing... I tried to concentrate somewhere else.

"Sorry for ditching on you that night." Abigail smiled at her, an actual one with something like...warmth? Those were rare. Maybe I was in a fever dream.

Kaea raised her eyebrows. She looked from Abigail to Andrew. "I still cannot believe it."

"I can't either." Abigail rolled her eyes and was that... was that giddiness?

"Fuck me." I whispered, suddenly not at all feeling in my element anymore. A thousand things could change but I counted on Abigail staying a little bit of a bitch, and not in a bad way.

"Oh but Kyle, but you and I both have mates now." Abigail said with the smuggest smile. There it was.

I shook my head. "How did you 'ditch' her?" I asked, amused, taking a sip from my beer bottle.

Abigail blushed. "I..."

"She got a little nervous, that's all." Andrew interjected, a little sharply.

"How did you convince her to stop?" Kaea asked, genuinely curious.

Andrew blushed, and Abigail grinned. "I don't think you need to know everything, Kaea." She placed her arm on her shoulder and started pulling her towards the bar, where Lee and Sarah stood, talking.

What was this? An episode of Love Island?

I looked to Andrew, and he let out a laugh. I guess to ease the very present awkwardness between us. I looked at him. All my feelings aside, he seemed like a good dude. As an Alpha I had learned to keep my personal feelings away when judging a person. Kaea liked him, which made me hate him. But he didn't seem like a bad dude. At the same time, I wasn't sure he was equipped to deal with the firecracker that is Abigail.

"Do you like her?" I blurted out. I wondered if I could have worded that better, but too late.

"Of course." He looked at me very confused, like I had grown two horns, and then realised my position. He twisted his mouth, in thought. "Yes. She is sweet and kind, somewhere inside. And so very strong. She treats her life as a gift, and tries to spend it well. She cares for her friends." He looked at me and gave me a lopsided smile. "Even if that is hard to believe. What is not to like?"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You gathered that in a day?"

"I don't think I would have without her and me being mates. It lets you see things no one else can."

I furrowed my eyebrows, and looked at Kaea. Could I see something in her that no one else could? Not  Andrew, who she dated. Not her parents. Not even Lee.

Could she see something like that in me?

Maybe he could see the question on my face. "Do you not... feel that is true?"

"I would like for it to be true. I don't really know." I stopped before I could say more. There were hundreds of mates around me, all with their unique experiences, but there were similarities they shared that I couldn't exactly relate to. Moreover, Andrew would be the last person I wanted to say anything to.

"She is really nice." He cocked his head towards Kaea, and I suddenly remembered they dated. Jealousy burned inside me.

"Right." I said in a hard voice.

He gulped. And then spotted Mason. "Hey! Thank you so much for inviting me." His voice disappeared as he went away, and I looked at Kaea, and my throat burned.

I looked away. She was happy and laughing with her friends. But she was also confused. Sad.

I wish I could make her happy. But I couldn't. I didn't know how. I didn't trust myself to do the right thing at all.

Kaea suddenly looked to me, and her smile vanished, a sort of dazed look in her eyes. I was hungry for her touch. For her kisses. For the slightest bit of indication that she felt something real. Anything. She gave me something when I asked, but it always hurt her in the end. I didn't want her to fuck up her life because she pitied me.

I had been the monster in her life enough.

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