Monster: A Werewolf Romance

26. BUT HE DOESN'T

"This lasagna is delicious. Your mom is a great cook." Andrew said, reaching for another bite. I tried to smile, still feeling the burn in my eyes.

He had asked me if he could pick me, but I never told my mom about him, and instead asked him if we could meet at the local park. He had promised me he would take me somewhere beautiful- he had kept his promise.

The night was gorgeous. Andrew was playing 'Shelter by The xx' on his Bluetooth speakers. We were sitting at the top of an abandoned (but stable, Thank Goddess) tower, looking out over the whole city as it twinkled and glittered underneath the sky. I wondered where Kyle was- what would he have told my mother. Did he tell her about Andrew out of spite?

Maybe the worry was showing on my face, because Andrew tucked my hair back and asked, "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

He was so sweet, so perfect. But I felt nothing. I felt nothing compared to the enormous amount of feelings that I felt for Kyle. The bad, the good. I didn't even know how I had any good feelings about him.

But he had kissed my tears- he had said sorry. And while nothing excused his behavior, it turned out he wasn't an absolute psychopath after all. And that was all my wolf needed to nudge me to death about it.

See, he is nice?

I told you he was worth it.

Let's go to him.

Nuh-uh. Not happening. He said sorry once. Once. Because I made him feel the pain. How could I ever like someone like that, let alone love?

Why was I thinking about him now? It was such a beautiful, perfect date. Andrew was perfect, but monsters roamed my mind. Andrew was kind and sweet, and he deserved to know. He deserved to know that I had a mate, I had found him, and the rejection had never happened.

"Andrew?"

"Yeah?" He looked up, smiling as the city lights shone in his eyes. This guy agreed to go out with me more than once, and even came today- when both of our past dates had been absolute disasters.

Should I make this one too? God why was I doing this to him?

But it was better than any sort of prolonged torture. Just rip the band-aid out.

"I need to tell you something." I told him. He tilted his head in question.

"I... have a mate."

He froze, the slight smile disappearing from his lips. Those words had been so hard to get out. Lee was one thing. She knew everything about me. But saying this to someone else, somehow, made those real. My heart thumped.

"Is it you breaking up with me?" He was both serious and confused.

"What? No. No. That would be up to you to decide."

He laughed nervously. "I don't...understand."

"Kyle...Kyle is my mate."

I thought he would say, 'Wtf? But that makes sense. He hated you so much. He rejected you huh?' But instead he said, even more confused now-

"That makes sense. I always thought he was half in love with you."

I wanted to laugh like a madwoman. Why would anybody get that idea?

"That is certainly not true. He hates me."

"No, Kaea." He looked at me uncertainly. "He doesn't."

"Then kindly explain to me why would he keep on bullying me like that. Why would he keep on torturing me like that?" Fuck, fuck. I could feel the tears churning inside my eye sockets again. I took a deep breath, and got a control over my emotions. "I am sorry. I shouldn't be lashing out on you."

He looked at me, still unconvinced. "We were drinking once, just chilling. His father had thrown a party, I don't know if you remember. It was a couple years ago. I was getting bored so I asked him once who did he think could make the best Luna in his pack- he said Kaea. Who looked the most beautiful? He said you. I asked him who was the one girl he wasn't able to get- he said Kaea. And then I asked who is this Kaea? He pointed at you, standing alone, a glass in your hands, people-watching. And that's when I though- oh that girl? The girl your eyes keep following wherever she goes?

"He just looked at me as if I had made a joke, and didn't reply. I thought it was because he was going to be the Alpha, he was probably waiting till he got his Luna. But- why would he -?"

I didn't believe him. I couldn'tbelieve him. I wanted to, and I didn't. I knew I was not the most beautiful by any stretch of the words. I was average, slightly above if I tried. But for Kyle I must have been the rotten potato in a sack full of barbies. Abigail was drop-dead gorgeous.

I wouldn't have made a good Luna because I didn't care for anyone in the pack. They laughed at my suffering.

He never tried to get me, so why would he say that?

Didn't he?

My wolf suddenly whispered. Think again.

But that doesn't count! We were so little. Kids about nine to ten years old.

But he tried.

He tried to be my friend, once. He tried hard, but I couldn't look past my jealousy of him being stronger. Of him being better at fighting. Better at leading. Better at making friends.

Of making my parents be prouder of him than they were of me.

Look at Kyle, look at him go. He is faster than Kaea. Stronger than Kaea.

And once someone had said, 'He is simply better than you.'

I had been petty, and I had been jealous. And I had been a kid. I was not proud of it.

Kyle had tried to include me everywhere he went, he would invite me over. Smile at me. Talk to me.

I always declined, maybe not perfectly polite but I tried. Even then, was that enough to warrant a decade of bullying and hatred? Was he always so twisted?

Was he twisted, or was I? Could I be the wrong one?

"Kaea?" Andrew asked, again. "Say something."

"I-I-" I needed to know what was going on. I couldn't live with even the thought that somehow I was wrong. Maybe a little, but not entirely. I couldn't have been, right?

Later. One thing at a time.

"Andrew, our difference are too large to do anything about it. We can't be together, but we haven't rejected each other."

"What? Why not?"

"He... he wouldn't let me." I turned away, hoping he would get the signal and not prod any further. He just nodded thoughtfully.

"What does that mean for us?"

"I was hoping you could tell me that. If you want this to end, I would totally understand."

"You would need to reject him, Kaea. It's not about me. If you want to move on with your life, you need to do that."

"I know, I know. I am working on that. Does that mean...?"

"You are one of the most wonderful people I have met. It would be a travesty to let you go."

I smiled, truly smiled. I wish some other people felt that way, or maybe they once did and I let them go.

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