Awakened

Twenty

Sam calls twice once I am home from my date with Thomas, but I don't answer. I head to the bathroom and walk over to the giant claw-foot bathtub. I turn on the hot water, and put the stopper in the drain. On a shelf above the tub there is a jar of bath salts, and I use the tiny scoop to throw some into the water. I take some bubble bath from the shelf and add that in as well. As the water runs, I make my way down the stairs quickly. My aunt is asleep on the couch, and I don't think she will be getting up any time soon. I open a few cabinets until I see the bottle of vodka she had give us the night before. I grab the bottle, and return to the bathroom locking the bedroom door behind me. The tub fills, and once the bubbles are close to overflowing I turn off the water. The scalding hot water burns my legs as I slowly lower my body into the tub. I groan, but once I am totally submerged the heat feels incredible. I unscrew the top from the bottle, and press the rim to my lips. The clear liquor burns my throat, but I know after a few more sips that sensation will subside.

I am not sure how long I have been in the water, but the tips of my fingers are wrinkled like tiny raisins. I have drank quite a bit of the vodka, and my skin tingles with every movement. The water is no longer hot. I run my hand across the bottom of the tub and feel for the stopper. I finally feel the chain, and tug it out of place. I remain laying there until there is no water left to cover my body. I rise, and wrap a towel around myself. I hear my phone vibrate against the counter, and I see Sam's name flash across the screen. I answer, and before she can speak I blurt out a string of words.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer earlier because I am really overwhelmed and I needed to just breathe for a minute." She pauses, and then exhales into the phone.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to come over?" I consider this for a moment, but tell her that I will be okay for tonight.

"Can you come over tomorrow though?" She says of course. I tell her about the date, and about how wonderful Thomas was.

"Have you been drinking Katherine? You are slurring a little." she asks quietly. I groan.

"Yeah, I got into Shelly's vodka when I got home. I was just really overwhelmed. I am done now though." I lie while staring at the bottle. "Hey Sam," i say. "I get to mark another thing off my list now." We laugh in unison, and say goodnight.

I take another sip of the vodka, and find myself walking downstairs. I am wearing a white nightgown and my soft pink robe over it. Shelly is still asleep on the couch, and I pull a blanket over her. I promise myself that I will ask her what is going on tomorrow. I walk out onto the back porch and see that most of the lights in the Dalton home are off for the night, including Beau's. I wonder if he is even home, and figure that he is more than likely finding company elsewhere. I imagine the blonde with long legs from the party, or the beautiful redhead from the beach when I first arrived. Thinking of him with another woman makes me feel sick to my stomach. Well, its either that or the vodka. I'm not entirely sure at this point.

I walk down the wooden walkway, and I wish I would have worn shoes. There are a few places where the wood is ragged, and I really don't want to be pulling out splinters tonight. I left my phone in my room, and I am looking forward to sitting by the water and just listening to the waves rush in and out. The cool sand on my bare feet feels amazing, and I walk towards the water; bottle of vodka in hand. I sit down, and allow the robe to slide off my shoulders. I take another swig, and notice it no longer burns at all.

I don't even hear him walk up behind me, and it isn't until he is seated at my side that I do. "What are you doing?" his voice is low, and I can hear the concern in his words. I don't have to look at him to see that he is eyeing the bottle in my hands.

"I'm fine." I say.

"One thing I do know, a women never means it when she says those words." he answers me flatly. I turn to face him, and he is eyeing me curiously.

"Why are you down here? And why the hell are you drinking alone?" he asks me.

"I think I am overwhelmed." I answer softly.

"So the date was that bad?" He raises an eyebrow and waits for my response.

"No, the opposite actually. I think that is why I am overwhelmed."

I try to read his expression when the words leave my mouth, but he does not give much away.

"I am not sure I understand." his voice seems barely a whisper.

"I have gone from zero men in my life to more than I can handle in a matter of days. I meet these two brothers that couldn't be more different, and somehow have connected with each of them in completely different ways. There is Thomas, who is the kindest and most sincere person I have ever met. He opens doors for me, takes me to dinner, and goes out of his way to make me feel special. He is everything that I pictured when I would close my eyes and imagine my future. Then there is you. You are crass, conceited and obnoxious. You have a different woman in your arms each time I see you, and you make no point to hide your playboy ways. You have yelled at me, and made me feel worse than anyone else ever has. I should hate you, but then you touched me... and kissed me. You were gentle, and tender with me. Now all I can think about is you touching me. It isn't fair. You shouldn't have done that." I go to raise the bottle to my lips again but he puts his hand on mine, stopping me.

We sit in silence for a moment. He seems to be at war with himself on whether or not he should speak.

"I know I shouldn't have. I just-" he pauses, "I just couldn't stay away from you. You are not like any other girl I've ever been around. You are so untouched by all the negative things in the world. You still think everything is just like the novels. I know you aren't a child, that isn't what I mean. You still see the beauty in the world, and you still believe that there are happy endings. Your innocence is intoxicating." his hand is holding my face as he speaks to me.

"When I saw Marcus touching you it made me so fucking angry. I know exactly what he sees when he looks at you, and I know exactly what he wants. He can sense that innocence, and he wants to take it away." his voice is pained, and these realizations confuse me even more.

"And you? Isn't that exactly what you wanted? Isn't that why when you found out I'd never kissed anyone before... why you made sure it was you?" I cry back at him.

He lowers his face, "Yes, if I am being honest the thought of you being so... pure. It drove me crazy. That isn't why I kissed you though. I told you, I am drawn to you in a way that I can't explain. That just added to it." I bury my face into my hands.

"You aren't just some conquest, Katherine." he says as he takes my face in his hands and kisses me deeply. I pull away.

"Would you take me to dinner? Pull my chair out for me? Would you touch me in public? Could you be with only one woman? Would you ever be able to do any of those normal things that two people do in a relationship?" I ask. The look in his eyes when I mention the word relationship gives away his answer. He says nothing, and I nod.

"I will never be okay with not having those things. I do believe that it can be like the novels, and I am sorry that you don't." I stand.

"You are not good for me, Beau." He is now the one with his hands covering his face, and I walk away. I leave him there, and I don't look back.