Awakened

Thirty-Two

The sleek design of the boat in front of me takes my breath away. She is a pearly white color and encircled by vast windows adding to her elegant appearance. I can tell that the cabin is spacious, and that many people could comfortably embark on adventures aboard her. I imagine him alone, sailing around the sea on this massive vessel.

It must have been lonely.

"Wow, Beau. It's amazing." wonder and awe drip from my words, and he is beaming with pride.

"Yeah, she's my prized possession. There is no place on Earth I'd rather be than right there, sailing on the open sea." he gestures to the steering wheel. "Want to come on board?" he asks, and I can tell he is anticipating my response with excitement. When I nod, a wide boyish grin takes over his face.

He steps onto the wooden deck of the boat, and extends his hand out for me to take. He gently pulls me onto the boat. Once both my feet are safely planted onboard I know I can let go of his grasp, but I don't. I allow him to lead me around the perimeter and show me all of her glorious features.

"What color are the sails?" I asked, staring up at the bare metal pole that shot up from the center of the boat. He followed my gaze and smiled.

"They are white too, I like the minimalist style."

That made sense, but a small part of me was a tiny bit disappointed. "I think you missed out on a major opportunity there, Mr. Dalton." I joked, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Really now, and what is that?"

I giggled, "Pirate sails? Come on, you totally strike me as the Jack Sparrow type." Beau lets out a deep laugh, and I join him.

He heads for the cabin door and holds out his hand again for me to take, and I do. The inside is just as breathtaking as the exterior. It is complete with a kitchen and small dining area, a sofa and television, and a bedroom. I explore the cabin while he grabs a water from the fridge. The bed is large, and there are storage compartments surrounding it. There is also a private bathroom accessible only from the bedroom. I am shocked to see the massive shower surrounded by glass walls.

"Okay, this place is nicer than my house." I say not even attempting to hide my envy.

Beau laughs again and joins me in the bedroom. "It makes long journeys bearable, that's for sure. I can't wait to set sail again."

The thought of him leaving suddenly brings me out of the little bubble we'd entered since stepping onto the boat. "You are leaving? When?" I asked, not making eye contact.

"Oh, I haven't decided for sure yet. I won't stick around forever though. I have places I want to see before I have to give up my explorer days. There are a ton of tropical islands to check out. I'll probably ride out the rest of the summer and then set sail when the season ends."

That bubble had been popped though. We needed to talk, and here in private was the perfect place to do it. There was no chance of us being interrupted by my aunt, or Thomas, or Sam. I wasn't sure where to start, but I had to say something.

"Beau, you said you were trying to back off. This doesn't feel like you trying to back off, in fact it feels like the opposite. You showing up in my bedroom doesn't feel like you backing off, and you causing a scene at the ball didn't feel like you backing off. I can't put all the blame on you, because I am just as guilty. I have tried to be honest from the beginning though."

He sucked in a breath and sat down on the bed. "I know, I told myself I would do it. That I would just leave you alone, especially after we talked in your room. I am just a very selfish man, Katherine. I wish I had a better excuse." His admission takes me by surprise.

"What?" I ask, and he looks away.

"I know he is better for you than me, but I don't care. I know you said he made you happy, but Kat I don't care. I'm sorry, but I don't. I tried to do the whole self sacrifice bullshit because I really don't want to hurt you, but at the end of he day I am inherently selfish. I want you."

I stilled, and took a step back. I want you. He had just said those words to me, out loud.

"And you want me too." his voice was low, and he stood. He took a step towards me. "Katherine, you do. You want me so much you can't even function when we're near each other. It's not just you, I feel the same way. We are drawn to each other, and I don't want to play games anymore."

I had to stay strong, I refused to turn to putty from his words. "Beau, that doesn't change the very real conversations we have had in the past. Here, in this moment it would be easy. But what about tomorrow? If I told Thomas that the reason I couldn't be with him is because I have feelings for you? Or Shelly and your parents? Sam? How would you feel if they knew what was happening between us?"

I was the one leading this conversation now, and he was going to listen.

"At the next party, when some bimbo throws herself at you would you be okay with shoving her off? For me? Would you be okay with everyone KNOWING you turned her down because you wanted something with me?"

I took a step forward, confidence building within me like a firework waiting to explode into the sky. I place my palm against his chest. "I like this Beau, the one I have when it's just you and me. This is who I want, not the guy you turn into in front of other people."

The silence filling the room is deafening, and I wait for him to say something.

"I told you once that I was no Romeo, but that I was willing to try just that once. Just long enough to give you what you deserved. Kissing you that night felt right. I can't stand here and promise you the moon and stars because I don't know if I can give them to you, but again... I am willing to try. For you."

My heart is racing. "I am scared as hell to want you, but here I am. We are either going to do this... really give this a shot- Or you need to let me walk away."

He answers me with the sweetest kiss. It is innocent. I wrap my arms around his neck and welcome him to deepen it. He places both hands on my hips and squeezes. So much for not falling to putty. I let my hands explore the hard lines of his body, taking my time and appreciating every inch.

"Katherine," he whispers slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savor them like a decadent treat. I run my fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between us. His breathing becomes heavier as he drinks me in. I feel his hardness pressing into me, and the smallest moan escapes my lips. "Oh God-" he says, pulling me onto the bed.

Things are heating up quickly, and I know I am not ready for what comes next. "Beau, I'm not-" he stops abruptly as if he is reading my mind.

"Of course you aren't, I'm sorry. God, Kat. You are intoxicating. I almost lost myself." His words cause me to swell with validation. This gorgeous man was saying that I, Katherine Wilder, was capable of making him lose himself.

"It's okay... I'm just not ready for what I think comes next after that." I hate how small and naive I sound.

"I don't want you to ever feel pressured. I am not expecting anything from you, only what you want to give me." I nod, and he kisses me lightly.

"Is this real, Beau? I am so scared that when we leave here it will-" he stops me.

"Don't. It's real, okay?" What other option do I have but to trust him? I want this. I want it so badly, on a cellular level.

I was giving myself to him, and praying to whatever Gods are out there listening that he wouldn't shatter my heart.