Awakened

Twenty-Six

"Tell me a secret." he says as he brushes the hair from in front of my eyes. "I feel like in the short time since we met you've learned all of mine, but I still know very little about you." his voice is soft. We are seated next to each other on my bed, and I just want to soak up every single moment that he is here. 

I rise, and find my way to the desk where the folded list stays. "Sam made this, it's a bucket list of sorts." I hold it out so that he can take it, and watch closely as he scans each item. "It's just things I've never done, and she thought this would be a fun little... summer project. I guess it's not really a secret." I shrug. 

His fingers trace over the two items that have been crossed off with a black marker. "First Base, huh?" he eyes me mischievously. "That better have been me." 

I simply nod, and the smile tugging at my lips breaks free. He frowns a bit at the other crossed off item. "Go on a date." he says flatly. He looks up at me, "My brother." It isn't a question, but I nod again. He sighs, and goes back to looking over the list.

"Can I hold on to this for a bit?" He is already sliding the paper into his back pocket. I laugh. What was the point of asking if we was just going to take it anyway? "Sure, if you want." I answer. 

The next hour is spent answering all of his questions about me. He asks about my family, my friends, school, and little details like my favorite foods. He listens intently as I speak, and my hopelessly romantic heart is soaring. This is how it happens in the novels and in the movies. Boy meets girl, girl likes boy, insert situational conflict and obstacles. Then, you get the moment when each of them realize they just want to make it work - and roll the credits. If only real life were that simple. 

Beau stands up from the bed, and says he needs to get going. I imagine the look on my face is quite pathetic, and he smiles. "I want to get out of your bedroom before someone walks in. They might think I am taking advantage of you, or corrupting your innocence." I can tell he is trying to be respectful, and I know he is right. Only a few hours ago was Sam warning me to stay away from him. 

"I know how he is, and I've seem him do this a thousand times."

"I don't think there is any scenario where this ends good for you girl."

I hop off the bed, "I understand." My plan is to play it cool and let him leave. To prove to him that I can handle this, whatever this is. Once again though, my mind and mouth are on two different pages. "Will you go to her? The girl from the messages, Kristy?" I want to bang my head into the wall. Why the hell did I just say that. 

"No, I don't feel like seeing her now." he winks at me, and I should be satisfied with his answer. Nope, I can feel the word vomit rising. 

"But will you feel like it tomorrow? I just- I don't know where we stand." I have no control over the words coming out of my mouth. I can see the reality of what is happening flash over his eyes. He has just realized that now I expect more. "Just don't answer that." I say quickly, and his face seems to relax again. He kisses me softly, and then he is gone.

"Katherine?" I hear my name being whispered. My eyes slowly flutter open, and I see Sam by my side. I must have dozed off after he left.

"How are you feeling? Any better?" She is concerned, and I feel guilty for lying to her. 

"Yes, I think I was just tired." I answer, and she smiles. 

"No kidding, I would imagine you are pretty drained. You've pretty much been going nonstop since you got here." She is right. When I consider that I have been in Florida for less than a week, everything that has happened seems crazy. How is it possible to experience so many intense things in such a short amount of time? 

I sit up, and stretch my arms above my head. "What time is it?" I ask. 

"Just after midnight, I'm going to head home. I just wanted to check on you first. I was worried you left because of Beau, or the fundraiser thing." Sam's voice is quiet, like she doesn't want anyone to hear whats she is saying. I am in awe of how quickly our friendship has developed. There is something about this place, this summer... everything is happening so fast. 

"To be honest, I think both of those things played a part in it. I was just emotionally exhausted and needed to step away." she nods as I speak. 

"I can't even imagine, girl. This is a lot for anyone to handle, especially someone who has been literally thrown in the deep end. You will get over this shit with Beau, I promise. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but one day we will look back and laugh." Her words make my heart stop, and my face falls instantly. 

"Shit with Beau?" I ask quietly.

She grabs my hands in hers. "Oh, Katherine I'm sorry. That was so insensitive. I just meant- Shit. I'm sorry." I know she didn't mean to hurt me, but after everything that has happened tonight it feels like all my feelings are being invalidated. She wasn't here, she doesn't see how we are together... how he is with me. 

"He isn't like that with me... It's different." It comes out of my mouth barely a whisper. It has to be different. He is nothing like how they describe him when we're together. Sam is looking at me with what looks like pity. Her eyes tell me there is more she wants to say.

"It is, I can't explain it. Something is different... with us. He came here. After I left, he came here to check on me." I say, and I start to wonder if it is Sam I am really trying to convince. She looks down, and shakes her head.

"That son of a bitch. I'm so sorry, Katherine. He is so fucked up. You didn't- you know... You didn't let him-" She has a hard time saying it.

"No, of course not. He hasn't even tried to do that!" I exclaim. Relief washes over her face. Why is it so hard for her to believe that he could actually like me? "Am I really that awful? Is it really SO unbelievable that someone like him could be interested in someone like me?" The tears prick my eyes.

"God no, the opposite. YOU are too good for HIM. I just don't want to see you get hurt! I don't understand why he is toying with you like this. You are so much better than this shit, Katherine. He may have come here, but where do you think he went after he left?" her question hangs in the air. "He showed back up, claimed he forgot something and left again. Thomas mentioned some girl named Kristy." I feel like I am going to vomit. "Look, I don't know what he is doing. In his own fucked up way he may care, but he is not capable of being serious with ANYONE. I'm glad he hasn't tried to sleep with you, but that doesn't mean he won't. Just don't okay? Don't fall for it."

"He went to her? After leaving me?" I manage to get the words out. Sam nods.

The wave of emotion comes over me fast and hard. I knew better. I am not a stupid girl, but tonight I have behaved like one. He never promised me anything. He never said it could be something more. I did this to myself.

The harsh reality of what a relationship with Beau would be like weighs heavily on my mind. I guess you would consider this a relationship of some sorts, just not a conventional one. There would be no exclusivity. I would have to be okay with the fact that his view on love is warped, and that what he is offering is my only option - if I want to have anything with him.