Awakened

Thirty-Nine

I am stirred from my slumber by the sound of the waves against the shore, and when my eyes begin to slowly blink open the bright sun beams down. I shift a little, and the memories of the night before flood my mind.

"You're finally up." Beau's voice is sleepy.

I roll over so that our foreheads are touching. "Why didn't you wake me?"

He smiles, and my heart swells. It shouldn't be possible to be so affected by a person. "You looked so peaceful. How do you feel?"

"Different." I answer, honestly.

"Is that a bad thing?" I can sense the unease in his words. It surprises me that he is so worried that I will regret it. I could never regret what we did. It was perfect.

I shake my head, "No, of course not. I'm happy, I feel alive."

I do feel alive. More so than I ever had before. He had the ability to awaken something from deep within me that I never thought was possible. I had always been so reserved, so afraid to step even a toe out of line. Now, here I was- lying on a beach in the early hours of the morning, wrapped in the arms of the man I'd just given my virginity to. A man that I was pretty sure I'd fallen head over heels in love for. I wouldn't admit that just yet though, I'm not sure I'm ready to say those words out loud.

I also can't deny my fear over how he would react to my admission. He has been quite clear with how he feels about love. Not to mention, this has all happened so fast. Is it even possible to be in love with someone this quickly? What happens in two weeks?

"What's going on in that head of yours?" He asks, tipping my head up with his finger.

I shrug, "I don't know, a lot." I answer honestly, hoping that this could finally be the right opening to ask about the future.

"Talk to me." He says, and I take a deep breath.

"I'm just thinking about what's going to happen in two weeks. I have to go home, and then I'm leaving for college. You're leaving too, probably sailing off on some great new adventure. I'm trying not to focus on it, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore. What happens when we are in different area codes? Do we just go our separate ways? Do we try to make things work? I just don't know where we go from here." The words fly out of my mouth much too quickly, and I can sense his discomfort over the topic. "I'm sorry, I know you don't want to talk about it. I have to, though. Especially now, after last night."

Beau exhales a deep breath. "I don't know the answer to any of those questions." He reaches for my hand, and pulls it into his. "All I know is that you're incredible, and you make me really fucking happy. Beyond that, I don't know what is going to happen. This is new territory for me too."

"I know that, and I hate feeling like I'm backing you into a corner. I'm not trying to force you into making a commitment you can't keep, but I'm also not sure I'm going to be able to just walk away from this. Not unscathed, anyways." I am so scared that my honesty is going to backfire, and that he will just end up getting spooked.

"I don't feel backed into a corner, so stop. We're just going to take it day by day and see what happens. You don't need to worry about anything. We're happy, aren't we?"

I think about his question. The answer is yes, we are happy. For now, anyways. But how long will that last? The here an now isn't the problem. The problem is how murky the future is.

"Yes, we're happy." I answer, deciding against pressing the issue any further.

He smiles, "Good. We should probably head up, I'm sure your aunt isn't going to be thrilled that I kept you out all night."

Holy shit. Shelly.

How the hell had I completely forgotten to tell her I wasn't coming home? I could have told her I was staying with Sam, I could have come up with something. Anything would have been better than just not showing up.

"Oh my God, she's probably freaking out." I say, jumping up and sprinting towards the house.

Beau follows close behind me, though there isn't anywhere close to the urgency that I am clearly feeling. "Just calm down, I'm sure everything is fine."

Easy for him to say.

When the houses come into view I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I turn to face Beau, and hold up my hand. "Let me go in alone. I'll come over in a bit."

She's sitting on the couch, arms crossed.

"What the hell, Katherine?" Shelly exclaims when I come to a halt a few feet from her. "What the hell were you thinking?"

I take a step forward, "I wasn't thinking, I'm so sorry. We just-" I was about to try and explain that time just got away from us, that we fell asleep. The look in her eyes lets me know that there is no use.

"Of course you weren't thinking. It seems that has become a common theme around here. You don't just disappear like that. You can't just not come home." Shelly shakes her head, "I get that I'm not your mom, but I am responsible for you this summer. If something had happened-"

"I know, I'm so sorry. I don't know how I fell asleep." I can feel the disappointment radiating off of her.

"I know you aren't a child, Katherine, but I was worried. All you had to do was communicate with me. It's not okay for you to stay out all night and not tell me where you are." Shelly reaches for me, and I lean into her body. Her embrace calms the ball of anxiety building inside me. I am not used to disappointing the people in my life, and to be honest it's a horrible feeling.

"It won't happen again, I promise." I say into her shoulder.

The couch shifts under my weight as I lean into her. My aunt lets out a deep breath. "It isn't like you to be reckless, I'm just- I'm just worried about you. I'm glad you're finally letting loose, but there is also a fine line between having fun and just being stupid. I know what it's like to have a boy become your whole world, but I also know all too well what it feels like when that world comes crashing down around you."

I let my gaze meet hers, and from deep within me it almost seems like she knows what happened last night. It's like I can see the thoughts behind her glassy eyes.

"You are just getting so caught up in this whirlwind of emotions and I don't want to see you get hurt. I know you must have thought about the fact that you are leaving in two weeks." She continues, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.

Of course I've thought about it. Every moment of every day.

"We will figure it out." I say, but the shakiness in my voice gives away the uncertainty.

Her hold on me tightens. "Oh, Katherine."

"We have to. I don't know what I will do if we don't." I admit, feeling like a weight has been lifted from my chest. "If things just end- if I leave in two weeks and it's just over... I don't know how to prepare for that. It hurts too much."

Finally saying out loud the thoughts that have been consuming me leads to the exact reaction I had been trying to avoid. Tears fall onto my cheeks, slowly at first, but the tighter she holds on to me the easier it becomes to open the floodgates.

"I think I love him." I whisper, the admission feeling strange on my lips.

Shelly nods, "Love is a strange beast, sweetie. It doesn't seem right that the very thing that brings us so much joy can also bring so much pain." She swipes her finger over the tears, wiping them away. "Only time will tell if this is really love, but for now? Enjoy the bliss, and enjoy the rest of your time together. Just don't make any more stupid decisions, okay?"

I let out a strained laugh, "Okay. I promise."

We stay like that for a while. I just let her hold me, all while trying not to think about the what-ifs.