Awakened

Twenty-Four

"Honey? You alright in there?" his mother sweetly calls through the door. I can't breathe, and I know what she is going to think when she finds me in his room.

"Yeah, mom." His response is quick.

"Can you come downstairs for a moment? I bought a new planter when I was out, and I can't get it out of the car." Her request is simple, and I am relieved that she did not hear the commotion from before.

"Uh, yeah. I'll be right there." He says back to her, and then turns to face me.

"Just wait up here for a minute or two after I leave. You'll be able to make it out without her seeing you. I'm sure you don't want her to know you were in here." He almost sounds hurt.

"I just don't want her to think anything happened, you know." He nods, and I know he understands.

"Can we talk later? After dinner?" His voice is soft, and I nod. He leaves the room, closing the door behind him. I pace for a moment and try to count down from two minutes in my mind. The buzzing of his phone against the desk distracts me. I shouldn't look, but the temptation is overwhelming. I do not touch it, only catching the preview of the messages coming in that flash across the screen. And the few from earlier that he has not opened.

Kristy: Hey handsome, still on for ton.....

Kristy: I'm wearing that thing you lik.....

Kristy: Don't you dare ignore me Be.....

Kristy: I need more after last nigh.....

I am glad that the preview cuts off what is left of the last message. I feel nauseous, and want nothing more than to be out of this damn room.

You can't be upset Katherine. I think to myself. He has no obligations to you. He is a single man, and you just went out with his brother. I keep giving myself this internal scolding as I leave the house. You comforted Beau when he needed someone to be there for him. That doesn't mean anything. I push open the door to my aunts, and walk right past her and up the stairs.

I am the girl who comforts you when you are sad, but Kristy is the girl you fuck.

Just like the red-head on the beach, and the blonde from the party. They may not know you, who you truly are, but you don't care. Me learning the inner turmoil that is Beau Dalton's life doesn't change anything. Now, if not more than before, I know that it will not change. He will never want the same things that I do. He doesn't believe that two people can be together without destroying one other.

He will let me comfort him, and be there for him. He may even care for me. He likes my company. He will never want to be with me though, not the way I need him to. He would never love me.

"Katherine?" Shelly's voice calls from outside my closed door. "Is everything alright? Has something happened?"

"I'm fine," I lie.

"It's about time to head next door. You're still coming right?" Her tone is cautious.

"Yeah. Sam is coming too. You can go ahead. I'll wait on her." I reply, and hope she agrees.

"Okay, that's fine. You sure you're alright?" She is only being a good aunt, but I need her to back off this time.

"Yes." My response is clipped and direct. Without another word I hear her footsteps going down the stairs, and I am grateful that she understood.

When Sam arrives I have to fight the urge to spill the intimate details of my time with Beau. I can't though. I can't tell her about the family secret that he'd entrusted me with. I give her a shorter, less detailed version of what happened.

"So, you like Thomas but you also like Beau. You know that the only shot at an actual relationship is with Thomas, but whatever you have going on with Beau is...  better?" She tries to understand my dilemma, but without the details there is no way she could possibly understand.

"Not better per say, just different. It's not easy to explain." I sigh.

"I mean, I get that. But like how? What could there be with Beau that is better than a real relationship?" If only it were as simple as Sam made it out to be.

"With Thomas things are simple, and he treats me the way any girl would want to be treated. He would be the perfect first boyfriend, honestly. He checks off every single box that has been on my theoretical boyfriend material checklist." I giggle. "But with Beau, I don't know. It's like I am not in control of my own body when I am near him. He is so rough around the edges, but when you look past that... he's tender. He can't offer me what I want, but there is a small part of me that wonders if it would be worth giving up those things just to have whatever amount of time with him is possible." It is the first time I've said that out loud.

"I'm just going to be honest with you, because I care about you. You are really inexperienced when it comes to this stuff Katherine. Guys like Beau... this is what they do. They tempt the nice girls with desire and the idea that they could be the one to tame the beast. This is his MO. I can't tell you what to do, and I don't know what it's like for you two when you're alone, but I do know him. I know how he is, and I've seen him do this a thousand times. I just don't want to see you get hurt. I don't think there is any scenario where this ends good for you girl." There is nothing but sincerity in her words, but that doesn't make them sting any less. She is right, and I know that.

"Let's just go. They are probably wondering where we ran off to." I say, attempting to lighten the mood. She nods, and gives me a reassuring smile.

When we step onto the porch, both Thomas and Beau rise to their feet. I try to ignore the confused looks on our families faces, and the pounding heart in my chest. Dinner is pretty uneventful, other than the pang of guilt I feel every time I look and Cynthia and her husband interact. I wonder if she would leave him if she knew what he had done, or if he would be the one to leave. I wonder how Frederick explained the broken nose to his wife, and if she thought it was a coincidence that it happened on the same day that her son sailed off into the sunset on a sailboat.

"Katherine, that's so nice of them... isn't it?" Shelly's voice brings me back to reality.

"I'm sorry, I zoned out for a moment. What were you saying?" I ask, and my cheeks flush red.

"The fundraiser, it is next weekend! Each summer we hold one and there is a different theme each time. This time we are doing the Roarin 20's!" Cynthia claps excitedly as she shares the details. "Think dapper suits and flapper dresses! You know, The Great Gatsby. It will be fabulous!" I smile at how happy she seems talking about this event. "Anyways dear, we would love for you to come! Sam, you too of course. I could use the help planning, if you are up to the challenge. The women can be hard to handle." she jokes.

"Of course, I would love to." I say, and smile .

"Absolutely! It sounds like it will be great." Sam adds.

"Perfect! Thomas, you can escort Katherine. She won't know anyone else well enough yet."Cynthia says quickly. Sam raises an eyebrow at me, and I look over to Thomas and he is not even trying to hide his smile. My eyes find Beau, and he is looking off into the distance.

He doesn't even care.  The voice in my head is getting to me.

"I would like that, thank you." I say.

"Sam, we can go as a trio if you want." Thomas' words are sweet, and I smile at him for offering. There is no denying his genuine good nature. He nods to me as if to say 'you're welcome'.

Beau's eyes don't meet mine for the remainder of the time we are seating outside together. I try to act like this doesn't bother me, but it just isn't that easy. I rise from the table, and when everyone looks at me I smile apologetically.

"I am not feeling well. I think I need to go lie down, but please don't let me ruin your night." I push my chair in and take a step back from the table.

"Do I need to walk back with you?" Shelly's voice is concerned.

"No, please. Stay and enjoy yourself. You too, Sam. I'm just going to head to bed.  I was up late last night, and it's just catching up to me." I am thankful when Shelly and Sam nod. I make my way towards the condo I now call home.