Love in making🎬🎥

Chapter 22

Love or Let Go

I woke up to a knock on my bedroom door. "Vani?" Anna called. I get up and check the time. It is 2 am. "What's the matter?" I ask opening the door. "Mill.." she gasped and horror strikes me. "What happened to Mill?" I ask switching on the lights. "I don't know. Fatty called me because Matt called her and told her that Mill is missing" she said sitting on my bed. I told Anna and Fatty about our little stint and they were shocked. None of us expected him to do such thing. But they supported my stance. I take time to put things together, my sleep completely gone by now. Since the argument we had on Tuesday, I haven't seen Mill. He did not come to work and I had to manage with other cameramen myself.Today was Friday. "Should we look for him?" I ask with an unsettling feeling. "Fatty and Matt looked for him everywhere already" she said getting up. She is right, if Matt, Mill's brother could not find him, then I don't think we have much chance either. Irrespective of the issues I have with him, I still care for him and it will always be there. I cant be sitting here, doing nothing while Mill is there, somewhere out, God knows where and in what condition. I wear a V- neck on my cotton shots and move out, calling Matt. "Hi Nirvana" Matt picks up in the second ring. "Hhuh.. Hi Matt. I came to know about Mill now" I said bringing my car's engine to life. "Yes Nirvana. He has not come home today" Matt said, his voice straining at the end. "Today? Where was he on other days?" I asked. "To work? I thought he was with you guys working there" Matt said, confusion clear in his tone. "No Matt. He did not come to work. I didn't see him since Tuesday" I said. My heart aching to all the ways, this thing can turn to. "I don't know about that. He was out everyday and came back by evening until today" Matt said uneasily. "Did he take his car?" I asked. "Yes he did" Matt replied. "Ok let me see what can I do" I said before hanging up. I think of places, Mill can possibly go. I check the gaming arcade, the nearby bars and cafes before turning towards the set. No way he could be there. He will be kicked out by the guards. Then where could he be?
As much as I know him, Mill is the kind of guy, who would dance and drink his ass off than sitting all alone in a corner. I don't remember him telling about any place other than...the park. The park !! where he used to go, whenever he said he wanted to clear his mind which was not often. Did Fatty and Matt check there? Anyway I should take a look myself. I drive to the park far away from his home and in completely opposite direction. When I reach there, I park my car away from the gate. I am not scared of dark and I don't watch horror movies at all but this park, and the darkness and silence around it is creeping in. I take my bag, checking the pepper spray and turn on the torch in my phone while entering the park. I don't see his car anywhere around. But this is the last place I can think of, so I might as well go and look inside. I enter the park and walk on the pathway. I walk deeper in the dark, when my eye falls on a apparition of someone sitting on a wooden bench . I walk towards the man, keeping my index finger ready to press the nozzle of my ultimate weapon. As I move towards it, my breathing relaxes looking at Mill. He has his back facing me but I know its him. "Mill?" I call him, but he doesn't respond. "Mill?" I take another step towards him and stand in front of him. He looks up and his expression changes frantically. "Vani? Vani what are you doing here?" He asked taken aback. "I was looking for you" I said keeping my pepper spray in bag. "You were?" He asked. His eyes blood shot red and I know he is drunk from the bitter smell of alcohol in the air. "Yes. Everyone was. Matt is worried" I said taking a seat beside him. "Hmmmm" he said keeping his head on my shoulder. "Mill I am here to take you home. Its 3 am" I looked at my phone. "Ummmm" he closed his eyes. "Where have you been these days? You didn't come to work" I looked at him. "I don't know. I was just driving around" he said making himself comfortable on the bench. I don't know what to say. It didn't feel awkward when I thought about looking for him, but now when I have found him, I don't know what exactly to say. "Vani?" Mill breaks my thoughts. "Yeah?" I asked. "I am sorry" he said looking up at me. "It is okay Mill. We don't need to talk about it right now. Let us go" I said standing up. "No! please" he said pulling my hand back. "We need to talk. Can we please just talk?" He pleaded. "What exactly do you wanna talk about?" I asked crossing my hand on my chest. I am not sure about forgiving Mill. I came here, because I care for him, not that I am done with what he did. "Please just sit" he said patting the space next to him. I sat on the bench keeping distance and turned towards him to be able to look at him. "How did you find me?" he asked. He seems to be sobering up now. "I said everyone was looking for you" I already told him that a minute ago. "But how did you find me?" He asked me again. "I went to every place I could think of, the gaming arcade, bars, cafes and then I came here because I know you like this place" I said. Why is it a big deal for him, that I found him?
You know that My subconscious mind mocked me.
"I told everyone about this place but only you came here" he said looking at his feet. "Mill don't take it to-" I was saying but he cuts me off "I am not taking it anywhere. I am just saying that when everyone was looking for me, only you found me." I was fumbling for words but didn't find any. "Nirvana we have been friends for what 6 years now? But I can't say the same for myself because I don't know when I fell for you but it's been very long. Longer than you think" he said taking off his beanie and running hand through his hair. A trait I know, he does when he is nervous or just frustrated. "Why do you think I didn't tell you before? I wanted to tell you every single day but I knew this will happen. The moment you will come to know, I will loose our friendship and you completely." He said sternly. "We can be friends. You won't loose me as a friend" I assured. "And you think that will be easy for me?" He asked looking straight into my eyes. "Being around you but still not being able to be with you. Pull your cheek but not being able to kiss your lips. Seeing you but with someone else. You think I can take that?" He asked and I could sense the pain in his words. "You... you have been around me without telling me for long" I said looking away. His gaze is burning me and the air around, making me breathe harder. "It doesn't change anything. It doesn't make it any easier. Why do you think I did what I did? Didn't I know I was hurting you? I saw your pale face and worn eyes everyday. I knew about the way you were suffering inside" his voice cracking. "And still you continued" I said brushing my own tear away. Those pictures of Hero and Jo are still fresh in my mind with the messages. "Because it hurts. It hurts seeing you with someone else. Seeing you happy with him, when I want to make you happier. Seeing your hands in his, when I want to hold you close to me" he said, his voice straining towards the end. "I like him Mill. You know that" I sighed. "I know. I know how obsessed you were of him. Reading every single fashion magazine, looking for his pictures. Saving them in your folder and all. I know all of that. But I never thought that you will ever meet him or your simple fan crush would turn into something more" he said smiling lightly. "Me too" I smiled back remembering how much I troubled him to get me Wonderland, the one with Hero's cover on it. I never thought that either. I wanted to meet Hero and shoot him but never in my wildest dreams, did I thought that my crush will be crushing back on me. I am the luckiest fangirl ever. "It's not his fault. It is hard to be with you and feel nothing more" Mill said. "I am sorry Mill" I said before I could think. I don't know why I am feeling sorry or what I have done to say so but it just came out and I don't want to take it back. "You don't have to be. You did nothing wrong" Mill scoffed. I looked at him and he looked away to hide his face, his eyes maybe. "I don't want to loose you" I said hugging him. Mill is indispensable in my life. He has been in my good and in my bad. I love him, not in the way he feels for me but in a way where I want him to be with me forever. "I don't want to loose you either Vani Nanny" he said hugging me tight and rubbing my back. I chucked and he let out a breath which he was holding back. "Plus you will never loose me" he added.
"How much did you drink?" I asked getting on my feet. "Not much because I am sober now, but more than usual because I don't remember exactly how much I gulped down" he said standing up. I laughed and he shook his head joining in. "We will have to go and get my car from Gally's" he said walking out of the park. "Wait !! You walked from that bar, to all the way here?" I asked out of shock or surprise, I don't know. Mill hates walking and gets grumpy even in set, while shooting. "Alcohol makes you do things" he laughed as we got in my car. "No wonder" I rolled my eyes.
Now, I understand why Hero was pushing me to sort this out with Mill. He said "I don't want you to miss out on anything Nirvana." He knew, more than me what I will be missing out without Mill. This joyous friendship. "The sense of security and calm, friends give you is insurmountable" He told me. I smile thinking about his care towards me and the people around me, whether they like him or not.
Can I love Hero more?
Yes. Every second.