Chapter 5: What Ifs

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Weeks had gone past in the Shadow Court, and everyone seemed to be opening up to Kato

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Weeks had gone past in the Shadow Court, and everyone seemed to be opening up to Kato. The gremlin children, though disgusting, seemed to be quite fond of him. I laughed at the scene of them chasing him in the court yard. My bedroom window gave me perfect access to watch and not be seen. Secrecy has now become a way of life to me. It's beginning to feel right. And it shouldn't.

The door to my bedroom swung open unexpectedly. Thana lingered in the doorway. Her cat eyes studying too long for comfort. If I didn't know her, I'd mistake her for flirting with me. Her stare continued and I was at a standstill. It was as if I was a child getting caught by her parents.

"Oh Thana, isn't it a lovely day?" I asked confidently. She swayed lightly and peered out the window with a feline like grin spread across her face.

"Hmm... Yes my Queen, what a lovely view," she said dubiously. She knows, I thought. She's known me the longest, she must have known for a while. But yet she's said nothing. To anyone. She may be one of the most trustworthy beings I've ever met. Nevertheless, sarcasm annoys me.

I rolled my eyes, and I looked back at Kato. If only things could be different. Maybe we could be lovers. Or dare I say, even friends. In another world, I wouldn't be Queen. I would just be... Morina. I would be human. Mortal. And Kato could be mine.

The thought of this possibility sent a wave of emotion over me, and I could feel myself begin to cry. I felt Thana's hand wipe a tear from my face. As I swatted towards her, my hand only struck the cold and desperate air around me. I'm not a baby, I don't wish to be tended to. My emotions should never be seen. I must be strong. For my council. For my people. For myself. I must show no weakness.

It was then that Thana began to speak. And what she said only made things worse. "Queen Morina I know I'm over stepping but as your oldest and most trusted friend, don't be so careless. Your Court is doubting you. Even your Royal Coven can see your soft spot for the human. I can see it. But we both now how this could end. And you know more than anyone... I can't have another person I care for exiled," the words fell from her lips with fear. She started to choke up, but she wouldn't let herself even begin to shed a tear.

I knew she was overstepping. And part of me didn't care. Her honesty and courage are two things I've always admired. But I could feel the dark Morina I was a month ago rising. Ripping and tearing at what was taking over.

Trying to destroy what was left of my fractured humanity. I felt bad for Thana. I wanted to hug her and rip her heart out at the same time for even saying she cared for me out loud. But that's her courage at work. And her truth. True acceptance and nobility, she truly was the most devoted to me. And I to her. But she must never hear me say the words aloud.

"Thana old friend, I cherish our friendship, but I'm your Queen. Your concern for me shows great weakness. This is a matter I must deal with, and deal with alone. We will not discuss this subject again. Ever," I said painfully trying to keep my composure.

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