I Missed You (Bucky x Reader)

~Chapter 16~

I just revised this and realized that there's so much crying and angst in this chapter... oh well, hope you enjoy xx

"Bucky!" you scream as he falls. Steve comes up behind you and soon realizes what happened. The tears don't take long to rush to your eyes as you're stuck holding on to another railing in complete shock. "No no no no." you mumble. "I have to jump, I have to go after him!" you say, and actually get ready to jump.

"Y/n, you can't!" Steve yells, since the strong air was drowning out your voices. "You'll die!"

"I won't!" you say in tears.

"I know you don't want to accept it but no one could survive that fall!" he says, insinuating Bucky's death, which only makes you angrier.

"I have to try, okay?!" you say before getting ready to jump. But right before you jump, you feel two strong arms wrapping around you and pulling you inside the train. "No! No! Let me go, Steve!" you say, trying to break free from his strong grasp, but your strength was failing you. "He's our best friend!" you cry.

"I'm sorry, y/n. But I can't lose you too." he says before you feel a sharp object being injected in your arm. Seconds later, you start feeling dizzy and eventually everything goes black.

-

A bright light hits your face, making you scrunch your nose in discomfort. You slowly start gaining consciousness and you become more and more aware of your surroundings. You open your eyes slowly, trying to get used to the light, and once the memories have come back to you, you sit up quickly as your chest starts rising and falling. You look around and see that you're in a hospital room. Once the memory of Bucky's fall makes its way back into your brain, you feel your heart shatter all over again.

"Oh my God..." you whisper as you bring your hand shakily to cover your mouth. You don't waste any time and stand up to find out what the hell is happening. The second you open the door, however, you find Peggy.

"Y/n, you're awake." she smiles, but there's something in her smile, a pinch of sadness, meaning that she already knows what happened.

"Where's Steve?" you ask with no expression on your face.

"I think he's back at the headquarters now. I actually just came back from talking to him. he's not okay." she says, looking down and you frown.

"I need to find him." you say, trying to push past her but she stops you.

"Y/n, you need to rest." she says.

"Rest?" you scoff. "You don't understand, Bucky may still be alive, we just need to find him."

"Y/n... not even you or Steve would have survived that fall." she says.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?!" you say, starting to get more and more anxious by the second.

"We tried to see if we could send a team to Bucky's location, but not even our best team could get to where he fell." Peggy says.

"So what am I supposed to do? Give up?" you say and your voice starts to break. Peggy doesn't answer and looks down. "I have to go." you say before rushing out of the hospital with tears in your eyes. You keep walking with no direction through the destroyed area of London because of the bombs, until you reach the bar you went to on your first night in London.... right after you rescued Bucky...

You enter and it hits you how quiet and empty it is. Suddenly, your knees fail you and you fall to the ground as a loud cry leaves your lips. Your lips tremble as more tears fall down your cheeks. It feels like your heart is being ripped into a million pieces and like you'll never be able to put it back together. You feel your soul leave your body as you realize what happened. Bucky was dead, and you blamed yourself. You slowly stand up, trying to regain some strength. You then look down and see the heart necklace around your neck. This only breaks your heart further and without thinking you put your fist through a wall, making a big hole in it and leaving your knuckles slightly bloody. You realize this feels good, and you start to destroy more things around you. First you throw all glasses and empty bottles near you to the floor and watch as the glass shatters. You then break a few chairs as more tears fall, trying to channel all your pain on something, until you fall down again in exhaustion. Uneven cries leave your lips as you try to catch your breath. Looking around you, you see all the destruction you caused but you don't care about it at all.