Driving Out Darkness

Chapter 11

Season: 6

Episode: Like a Virgin

Warnings: This episode line contains mentions of major depression and mental disorders such as eating disorders, paranoia etc. if this is a problem for you, please skip to when the intro displays another episode. A non-triggering summary will be included for you.

***

"Dean." I hear a voice say, causing me to shoot up straight from my sleeping position on the couch. I freeze, staring at my twin. The righteous angel side of me itching to knock him out again but ever since Sam's soul came back, the human side of me has become strong enough to crush that part of me down. I want to hug him. Hold him, tell him I've missed him. And yet there is a third side of me that's terrified he'll try strangling me to death again but this time succeed.

"Sam?" Dean says as he slams his glass down in shock, turning to stare at him. I'm still frozen in place. I don't even know if Sam has seen me yet. The two walk to each other, hugging each other in the brotherly way they have since we were young. Sam pulls away, walking right past me and hugging Bobby.

"Good to see you." Bobby says as he pats Sam's back. Sam pulls back and from the way his shoulders tense, I can tell he is frowning.
"Wait, I saw- I felt- Lucifer snap your neck."

"Well, Cas kind of-"

"Wait, Cas is alive?"

"Mhm. So am I, thanks for noticing." I mumble, not expecting to be heard.

"Cas is fine." Dean says, giving me a concerned look before glancing back to Sam. "Sam, are you okay?"

"Actually... I'm starving." He says, causing me to clap my hands.

"Great," I say, spinning on my heals to face the kitchen. "Let's go get you some food then." With that I walk into the kitchen and start pulling out the ingredients to make him a sandwich. I may be a little upset that he didn't even acknowledge me but I'm not gonna let him starve.

"Mia..." I hear his soft voice say from behind me as I place the last of the fillings on the bread. I sigh, placing the second slice on top, cutting it in half and turning around, handing the fresh sandwich to my brother. "I'm okay. Really. Just eat." I say, practically pushing him to the table as I sit down across from him, Dean and Bobby following behind.

"What's the last thing you remember?" I ask, trying my best not to look afraid or angry or anything other than happy to have my twin back. It's hard. Really hard.

"The field. And then I fell." Sam replies and I frown. He doesn't remember what he did to me. There goes my leading theory as to why he completely ignored me earlier. Was it me? Did I do something? Was he mad that I 'sided' with Lucifer back when he said yes? I was so engrossed in my own thoughts that I don't even realise the conversation going on around me.

"I had leverage." I hear Dean say, snapping me from my thoughts. "It's done."

Was it though? Sam doesn't remember a thing from being soulless. Sure, it might be good that he doesn't feel the guilt of almost killing me or Bobby or that he doesn't remember seeing how off the rails I became. How far away from human I became. But if anything means anything, I know that there are going to be repercussions for him not knowing. Repercussions that I don't want a part of.

"Is it?" Sam and I ask, both with similar but different tones. Sam was as always suspicious just in general. But I was worried. And sceptical, and annoyed. Pretty much every negative emotion ever is surging through me. It's not all because of the current family circumstances but it is mostly.

"It's over." Dean urges, giving me a hard look. "The slate is wiped."

"Well, isn't that just neat and clear." Bobby says, obviously as skeptical as me

"Yeah, it is for once." Dean urges again, looking at both me and Bobby to shut up and keep quiet.

"Is there anything else I should know?" Sam asks and I clench my fist, ready to break whatever it comes in contact with. I get up quickly, ignoring the worried look Sam gives me because of it, and excuse myself before I accidentally break down the wall that is saving my brother from literal hell.

-

Dean and I are packing for a hunt. I'm not saying a thing. The main reason because I'm mad at Dean and giving him the silent treatment. The other because I have a strong feeling of paranoia that I'm being watched and I'm trying to focus on who's watching me and why. Of course, I already know, it's Raphael making sure I stay out of the angel business. They know Bobby, they know his place. They know shit went down here by process of elimination, they know I'm here. And it pisses me off greatly.

"What's wrong?" Dean finally breaks, most likely having enough of my resting bitch face.

"Other than you lying to Sam?" I say as I check another gun. "The angels."

"What? What do you mean?" Big brother mode surprisingly switches on. I'm taken aback for a moment before continuing.

"They want me. Dead I think. But Raphael didn't kill me when he had an open shot and now I'm sure angels are watching me. Nothing good can come of this." I shake my head. "I should have just stayed with my troupe and none of this would be happening right now."

"Or you'd be dead." Dean points out. "Did it ever occur to you that the dick just wanted it to be a fair fight?"

"He doesn't do fair. He killed my angels. Some of which were too injured to fight back."

"Then he didn't kill you because he needs you alive. So no need to worry."

"I don't like it Dean..." I sigh, going to continue but Bobby shows up, cutting the conversation short.

"Sam still asleep?"

"Yeah, let him rest." Dean replies before I can get a word in. "We'll call him later"

"Call me from where?" Sam asks as he shows up from freaking nowhere. I watch his tired figure carefully.

"A hunt." I jump in, not giving the location like I know Dean would have. It should give me a few hours on the angels so I can change my appearance and get a jump on the stalker angel. My grace is minimal enough to not be seen angelically unless they're trying so... yup. That's the plan. Probably stupid and definitely set on the basis of paranoia but I'm desperate. I'll probably call Cas to help me locate the bitch when I get a free moment.

"Great. I'm in." Sam says, snapping me from my plans. I've been zoning out a lot recently.

"What? No, you just woke up. You need to rest."

"Did you rest when you came back to life?"

"I was with Lucifer, I had no choice." I obviously strike a nerve because Sam flinches. I sigh and jerk my head to the inside of the car. "Fine. Get in. Four people on a hunt, sounds necessary."

"Oh no, you go on ahead." Bobby says quickly. I sense worry in his voice. I frown. "I forgot I promised Rufus I'd work the phones for him so..."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, yeah, you three have some catching up to do anyways." He says, waving us off before walking back in the house.

"What was that about?" Sam asks suspiciously and I frown, getting in the car to avoid questions.

"One part age, three parts liquor." I hear Dean comment before they get in the car with me.