Driving Out Darkness

Chapter 12

Season: 6

Episode: Like a Virgin

Warnings: This episode line contains mentions of major depression and mental disorders such as eating disorders, paranoia etc. if this is a problem for you, please skip to when the intro displays another episode. A non-triggering summary will be included for you.

***

"So, neither of you tried?" I hear Sam ask as I fake being asleep. I was trying earlier but gave up and just faked. I wouldn't get questioned if I was asleep.

"Tried?" Dean questions

"To live a life... after. You promised, remember? Both of you did."

"Yeah Sam, I remember."

"So... why didn't you?"

"What makes you think we didn't?"

"Cause look at you. You're exactly the same." Something tells me he was using a single 'you' rather than plural for that. I can tell there's something else he's itching to get out.

"I was with them for a year - Lisa and Ben." Wait, he was? He never told me...

"A year?" There's silence. I'm assuming dean gave a nonverbal indication. "So then what?"

"Didn't work out." Silence fills the car for a long time.

"And Mia?"

There's a light chuckle from Dean, but not an amused one. "We didn't speak. For about fifteen months."

"What? Why?"

"She went off the rails. Far off, Sam. I thought I lost her, when I found her again." There's a pause, I'm assuming Sam gave a confused look because that's what I would have gave. "I mean, she was her. But she wasn't... her. She doesn't use her nicknames anymore, she's shut off and - Cas said she was getting power. Kinda like how you were with the blood..." Dean trails off and I tense, holding my breath. He knew, he knew he knew he knew.

"But she's... she's fine now?" Sam doesn't even believe his own words.

"I'm not so sure. You leaving messed her up in a way I'm not sure I can even explain."

Silence fills the car for the rest of the trip.

-

We arrive at the hotel a few hours later, I'm anxiously searching for nearby angels to kill. Luckily, there are none in the general area which means... I can do what I need to do to change my appearance. And then kill a few angels as a message to Raphael. Easy enough. I jump out of the car before Dean has even switched it to park. "You two start with the questioning. I'll get unpacked." I say from Dean's open window, pulling out the duffels, leaving their suits in there for them to change.

"What? Aren't you coming?" Sam asks and I look at Dean momentarily before looking around. "And miss the breakfast specials? Not a hope." I say simply before flying into the only vacant room in the place. I drop the bags and sigh, pulling out the spray paint. I wasn't going to risk them finding me before I was done.

With two whole cans of paint later, I'm sitting in the bathroom with a dagger and a bottle of peroxide. This was stupid. It wasn't me. But that's the point Amelia. It isn't you. I grumble, grabbing my long-ass hair in one hand and dragging the dagger through it with the other. I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. I stare into the mirror. It's short. Shoulder length. It's wavy. But it's still most definitely my hair. That's where the bottle of peroxide steps in...

-

I stand in the bathroom, many many hours later, regretting my decision immensely. I wasn't me. And if I wasn't me, who was I? I looked nothing like my twin now, and if not like my twin, who? Well, that one was an obvious question... Mum. Everything about me screamed her. Which was stupid. I should have gone for red, or black, or heck, even blue! Not blonde!

"Hey!" I hear a very angry voice sound. It's either Sam or Dean but either way, they have a gun pointed at me. I place my hands up, not daring to turn around or look in the mirror. I can't let the guys see me like this. I can't let me see me like this. "Who are you!" It was Dean, upon closer inspection, he was the more stupid, less observant of the two.

"It's me, Dean." I say, staying where I am, my hands shaking. I'm pulled around with a rough hand on my arm and I can see Dean's shocked expression as he stares into my eyes. I remind him of Mum, I can tell. I've never met her and I can see the resemblance. I can only imagine what Dean is feeling. I close my eyes and take a deep shaky breath. "I know I said I'd help you on the hunt, and I will... but first I really need to kill a few angels."

"But Sam-"

"Will be fine. Say I went out or something. Please... I need this."

"Uh, yeah... but you're sitting your ass down and telling us what's going on after that." He demands and I frown but nod. Fucking hypocrite, making me talk about my feelings when he won't talk about his own.

-

I fly off, back to my place on the hill, a place I know angels will be positioned to look for me. The perfect place to send my message.

I land with ease, slightly dizzy from my lack of angelic strength but sill reality rly okay and prepared to kick butt. I stop short when I see who is in front of me.

"Cas?" I ask with a slight head tilt. It still feels weird not having the weight of my hair follow through with my movements.

"Amelia." He says, turning to look at me, his eyes landing on my hair. "You... changed your hair?" He didn't seem to understand how I did it, or why most likely.

"Yeah... long story."

"I've been looking for you." He says, still focusing on my new blonde locks. I should have gone for a wig. Stupid, stupid stupid!

"W-why?" I stammer, my eyes searching his. "I was at Bobby's, surely you knew that... Was if you following me?"

"I didn't want to face Dean." He responds to the first part. Makes sense, if Sam wasn't there I would have left too. "But no, it wasn't me. That was Raphael's group. They want you. They want your power."

Deciding to focus on the bomb shell later, I focus on the tiny details first. "Was?"

"I killed them."

"Why?"

"Would you have preferred to become a slave to heaven? To Raphael?"

"No, but I didn't think you cared..."

"Amelia, I don't think you understand how powerful you truly are."

"But I'm not-"

"Xephan was assigned to create hell itself. Before Lucifer was cast down, God had assigned him to create the perfect place of torment. The place that could corrupt souls enough to turn them into demons. That power - that duty - was passed to you when you were delivered his grace. You, in Raphael's hands, will be forced to destroy earth, the same way Xephan destroyed God's second paradise in order to punish the devil."

"Huh..." is all I manage to get out, sitting myself down on one of my lounge chairs.

"Why are you telling me this?" I continue after a moment, staring into his eyes.

"Because, soon you'll have to choose." He says before flying off, leaving me with a massive fucking migraine.