I want it with you! | A #Vicley Fanfic story | Station 19

together- ch. 39

Sometimes you need more than just your family. It's not easy to see that maybe the trauma you've gone through is taking away you. It's not easy to take help. As firefighter we try to be strong. We carry it all. We carry it until we can't. 

If you want to get through each day you take the losses and pack it away and leave it there 

but sometimes that just isn't possible. 

sometimes it follows. 

Luke got into bed with me. He held my hand until I woke up " hey... we need to talk..." I looked at him " ya..." He looked at me " I love you Victoria... but lately you haven't been you. I miss the girl i fell in love with. I miss you." She looked at me " i didn't try to change..." He looked at me " i know... no you haven't changed. everything that's happened it's not on you. your still in there i know it..." 

We went to a specialist. We talked to a firefighter councilor. 

She asked " so tell me just so I have some background... how long have you been married?" Luke held my hand " 8 months now..." She looked at us " well how did you two meet?" I looked at her " i don't know what this has to do with our losses... but... we met i guess at peer interviews... i yelled at him... actually i did that on a few occasions." 

I laughed " I can't believe I yelled at you twice..." Luke laughed " looking back it's what makes me love you most." I looked at him " our meeting was complicated..." She interrupted " well what brought you together..." 

Luke looked at me " She was one of the first people to get me... for me and the job and everything..." I looked at him " and when I knew I knew... we fell in love secretly and for some people that might not work but for us it did..." 

I looked at him " we weren't trying to get pregnant. it just happened. we talked about a few years down the line when my career was more established but it just makes me think we lost the baby because... because we were selfish we weren't ready..." 

The Dr looked at us " this isn't anyones fault. you went through a trauma...." I looked at Luke with tears filling my eyes " we never got to hear the baby's heartbeat or see it's face or find out the sex..... i feel like we lost everything for what." 

Luke looked at me " it's ok we can try again..." I looked at him " I loved this baby" Luke held me " I know...."