Chapter XXX

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It's much more snow here than it was in Phoenix, and I don't know if that's because we're in a different place or because we're deeper into winter now

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It's much more snow here than it was in Phoenix, and I don't know if that's because we're in a different place or because we're deeper into winter now.

We're just walking around in the park, and I'm really glad we got out of the hostel. I've been there most of the time. He's gone out a few times to get stuff or visit the guy who drove us whose name I've forgotten, and I've been watching Netflix the whole day.

I've tried to for each day work on my relationship with him, and I've come a long way, honestly. I mean I told him to shut up, and even if I'm still embarrassed about that, I did it. I've pushed myself over my limits, and it's been hard, really hard, but I knew I had to do it.

I look up at him and see him smiling. I follow his gaze and see a pretty big, circular platform to our right. It's got a small roof formed like a cone and people are dancing on it. Jingle bells is playing and they're all jumping left and right. It looks kinda fun, but it means touch, and touch is No!

Why not? Didn't you try to push your limits? You trust him, just try.

"It....," I start, and when I pause I quickly add, "looks fun", to make it less suspicious.

"Yeah, it is."

"Come on."

I grab his hand and start pulling him with me towards the platform, screaming at the inner voice that's telling me No!

"Hayden, Hayden what are you doing?"

He grabs my hands and holds me in front of him, and I keep my mask up.

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything. Don't you wanna dance?"

"No."

He says it without any kind of hesitation, and I almost start blushing, but that's until I realize he's saying no because of me.

"You don't think I wanna do this."

"It's not that, I-"

"Listen."

I let go of his hand and put on my serious face. "I really wanna move on from everything, I wanna forget it all and start my life, and I need you to do it. I didn't think I did, but I do, and if you really wanna help me, help me with getting over it. Help me with acting normal and having fun and forgetting it. Help me change myself. I need change to get over it, and if you don't wanna change how you treat me, I'll always stay in my scared bubble, in fear of Noah."

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