Chapter 6:Trixie

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Trixie's POV
I was awoken by the smell of beer and that cheap perfume. I felt a weight on me and then a sloppy kiss. Mike was home. He grabbed my face and made me kiss him back. I could taste the beer on his lips and it made me want to vomit. I knew what was to come next and I was happy he never lasted longer than five minutes. I turned my head to face my clock on the bedside table, 5:30am. I waited until he was finished and never took my eyes off of the clock, 5:35 on the dot. He rolled off of me and kissed my cheek. I waited until he fell asleep and went to shower. I washed him off of me and whoever he was with, the hot water burning my skin and burning away him. After an hour in the shower, I walked to wake Mike. "Michael I am going to the store. We are out of coffee." He opened his eyes and groaned before rolling on his side and going back to sleep. I walked to the kitchen and poured the coffee in the trash. I didn't want him to know I was lying but I needed to get out of the house. I knew he wouldn't say no to coffee. I grabbed my keys and the trash then made my way out of the door. The cool morning air hit my face and it was like a tiny drop of peace.

I had an hour to waste. Mike left for work at seven and I didn't want to be around him right now. Usually I could handle him in the morning, grouchy and moody. But today, I felt more fragile than usual. I got in my car and took the long drive to the other side of town, just to get coffee. I turned on music and jammed to "Jolene." I made sure to hit all the notes and sing the right words. I wish I could say I relate to song, but I didn't at all. I wanted another woman to take Mike away from me so I didn't have to deal with him. That sounded amazing to me, but I had no hope it would happen. Yeah Mike was handsome, but he didn't have the personality to match it at all. He was loud and gross. The thing is, he wasn't always like this. We met when I was in 10th grade in high school and he was in the 11th. Star football player who couldn't get anyone else because he was an asshole.

It all started one day after school. I was bleeding from having my head slammed against a locker. Getting bullied was a day to day thing for me, at home and at school. I was safe no where really. Mike walked over to me and handed me a tissue. "You look like you could use this." I looked up and was surprised to see who was talking to me. I took it and wiped the blood away.

"Thanks"

"No problem I'm Michael Ramble. You're Trixie right?" He sat next to me and I was shocked he knew my name.

"Yeah Trixie Mattel, and I know who you are. You are a grade above me. And you're also in my math class." He smiled nervously.

"Yeah that's me. Hey I know this is random but would you wanna I don't know, go see a movie or something? If not that's totally cool. I just you know wanted to ask." He looked at me and at that moment I saw how handsome he was. Strong jawline, nice shaggy brown hair, nice lips and hazel eyes.

"You want to go out with me?" I laughed in disbelief, he looked confused and smiled. "Okay I guess that would be cool." The weeks following that day were amazing. Mike took me on random dates that were fun and just awesome. He bought me flowers, candy, and teddy bears. The bullying at school stopped and I finally had a safe place. After two months of going out, Mike asked me to be his girlfriend and of course I said yes. Even though my friends told me not to. They said he had some type of reason for being nice that he wasn't saying. I didn't care at the time though, I was safe at school. No one dared to touch me or say anything bad about me. But life at home wasn't the best. One night after my step father came home drunk and beat me in another fit of rage, I called Mike. He rushed over to get me and took me to his house. It was my last year of high school and he wanted to protect me. Every day after school I went to his house and then after I was done with high school, he asked me to move with him. I wanted to get away from my family so I said yes. We packed up our lives and moved twelve hours away from the city we knew.

That was all three years ago. When we moved, it all went down hill. He started to tell me if I loved him, I would sleep with him. After three months of him pushing, I gave in. After that, it got worse. He started to yell and tell me I needed to lose weight. I needed to do more around the house and stop being lazy. Each day I lost a piece of myself, of who I thought I was. I wish I could leave but who would want me now? I shook my head and locked the past back away in a box. Rain started to fall and so did my tears. God, I cried so much it seemed. After another ten minutes of driving, I pulled into the parking lot of the store. I sat looking at the entrance of the store, I hated going in public. It wasn't that I hated people or anything, I just thought that maybe they saw all my imperfections because I had so many. I finally stepped out of my car after five more minutes of regretting all decisions that lead up to this point. I entered the store and began to get things I knew I would need later on this week. As I walked down and looked through the coffee selection, I heard a familiar voice that made my heart beat faster.

"Hey Vi. I wanted to call and tell you about the job babe." It was Katya, she was here. Shit, I hadn't talked to her since I ran out of her house for no freaking reason. She sounded as if she was a row away, which I was thankful for. I continued to look at the coffee while listening. "Yeah I got the job. I start this upcoming Monday." Katya laughed and I could hear the smile on her face. She wasn't missing me, but then again why would she? I still tuned back in to see if she would say anything about me. "No she hasn't but it's okay," there was a bit of sadness in her voice. "No no I am okay I promise. Yeah I miss you too Violet, you have no idea." My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, I held onto the display of different coffees. I heard Katya say goodbye to the person on the phone as I made my way to pay for my stuff, I had to leave now. I stood in line and looked down at my phone to check the time. It seemed like the world was falling apart and I was just waiting for it all to just crush on me. I heard steps behind me and then someone say my name. "Trixie?"  I turned around to see blue eyes staring at me.

"Hi Katya." I looked down at my feet as I played with the basket in my hands.

"How are you feeling?" She smiled and I kicked myself in my head. She was so beautiful and kind to me for no reason.

"Oh I'm okay. How are you?" I wasn't okay, I was fully lying through my crooked teeth.

"I'm really good actually. I had an interview today and got the job so that made my day." She smiled even bigger and I swear my heart was trying to give out. Just as I was about to say something, her phone rang. She held up her finger and stepped out of line. I moved up in line and waited until this all was over, I wanted to sleep the rest of my life away. She walked over and gave the cashier her basket of things. "Hi can you put this up for me? I really have to go." She looked over at me,"I am glad to hear you are doing okay Trixie. Catch ya later." She touched my shoulder and walked out of the door to her car. She called me Trixie, not Trix one time. I wanted to full on breakdown but I held it together long enough to pay for my things. I speed walked out of the store and to my car. I threw the things I bought in the backseat, started the car, and sped home. I didn't want to see the light of day for a while. I just wanted to lay in bed and cry.

After 40 minutes, I pulled into my apartment complex and ran into the building. The wait for the elevator was too long so I took the stairs, I opened the door to the apartment. As soon as I made it into the door, I fell to the ground. Why was I like this? She was so nice to me and yet here I am, still crying? I hated that I was like this, Mike was right, my step dad was right. All I did was cry and make problems for myself. I stormed into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I hated seeing myself, I hated seeing what everyone else saw. But it was all my fault anyway.

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