It Must Have Been The Wind(Trixya)

Chapter 19:Trixie

Trixie's POV
Jinkx and Katya talked as I sat there pushing my food back and forth on my plate. I was never a talker but now it was worse. My brain was working overdrive, thinking about the conversion Katya and I had. It was out of nowhere but it was important to her because it kept her from sleeping. Why did she care about my happiness anyway? No one really ever did, it didn't matter. I looked at Katya as she spoke to Jinkx. She was laughing and smiling, she hadn't really done that with me lately. Maybe me telling her what happen and coming to her door that night ruined everything. How can you have a relationship of any kind with someone scared of almost everything that walks. I didn't want Katya to waste her time with me when she could be working on friends. Going out and having fun, I stop her from doing that..don't I? "Trixie, are you okay?" I lifted my head and looked at the two women who were now stating at me.

"Huh?" Katya looked concerned.

"I asked if you are okay? You're not really eating the cake."

"I am okay, just not that hungry sorry." Jinkx put her hand on my lower arm and smiled.

"No need to be sorry, dear. Maybe you should go rest." I nodded my head and stood up. I walked to my room and closed the door. I crawled in bed and pulled the covers over my head. I could hot tears swelling in my eyes. I really didn't want to cry anymore, it was so fucking stupid. I could feel myself panicking under the covers, my breathing was becoming harsh and my eyes burned. There was a knock at the door, a soft gentle knocked.

"Uh, come in." I heard the sound of the door followed by the sound of heels.

"Trixie, dear?" I slowly poked my head from under the covers and saw Jinkx. "Oh, you poor thing. Are you okay?" I shook my head without thinking. Jinkx softly smiled and walked over to me. She sat down a teacup and sat on the bed. She kicked off her heels and pulled her feet on the bed. "I'm gonna help you calm down okay?"

"Okay." She smiled and crawled right beside me. She laid my head on her shoulder and held my hand. She started to hum a song. She rocked us back and forth to the melody of the song she was humming. I could feel my body relax and the tears stop. 'Th...thank you."

"It is my pleasure."

"Jinkx?"

"Yes?"

"May I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"How do you stop being a burden?" Jinkx looked at me and sighed.

"Do you feel like a burden?"

"A little."

"Well, first you have to figure out why you think that. Then maybe, talk the person who you feel like you're a burden to."

"That seems hard."

"It can be, but how can you stop being a burden if you don't know how you are one? I cannot answer that question because I do not see you as a burden. And from what I've heard, Katya doesn't either."

"How..how'd you know I was talking about Katya?"

"I can tell that you care for her. The way you look at her says it all. I understand the feeling of wanting to make sure everything is right but you can't know if there is a problem if you don't talk to out. Give it a go."

"I guess I can."

"Good." Jinkx reached on the bedside table and grabbed the teacup she had sat down when she walked in. "Here, Katya let me make you some tea. It always calms me down when I am stressing. You seem like you need it. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can call me and I will come down to see you so we can talk."

"Thank you Jinkx. No one has ever really cared for me." Jinkx put her hand on my arm.

"Katya cares for you dear. She cares a lot. You should let her." Jinkx got up and slipped on her shoes. She walked to the door and smiled. "I hope you feel better." Jinkx walked out of my room and softly closed the door. I took a sip of the tea and let the warm liquid flow down my throat. I clicked off the lamp on the bedside table after finishing the tea. I sunk down in the bed and breathed a deep breathe as I thought about what all that had happen in my life so far. The pain and hurt caused by men who said they loved me, the love that I ran from because I was scared of it and now the people who wanted to care for me. I really didn't want to run anymore because running got me nowhere, I was stuck running in place. Never going toward but always somehow going backwards. I ran from home and into the arms of another who hurt me. I ran and never looked back, I ran without thinking. I wanted to take it slow this time. I wanted to give myself time to heal and to grow. Time to accept everything that happen and learn from it. I just needed time and Katya was okay with waiting and helping me along the way.