The Magic in Your Song(Trixya)

Chapter 14: Trixie

Trixie's POV
As soon as I walked into my house, I laughed. My cats had a mountain of treats and I knew they hadn't gotten them on their own. I walked into my kitchen to the icebox and saw a note. 'Hi I wanted to steal your cats. They wanted me to but I couldn't so I gave then treats instead-xoxo The kitty Kat Klepto'. I left the note where it was and grabbed a bottle of wine. I abandoned my heels in the walk from the kitchen to the living room, I'd pick them up later. The only thing I wanted was to watch TV and drink a little. I turned on the television as I looked at my phone, '1:30am'. Today was only Wednesday and it felt like the week was going by so slow. I would normally hate long weeks like this, filled with nothing but paper work and an endless array of problems and tasks, but for some reason I didn't mind it this week. Ever since Katya started working for me, I looked forward to going into work. She was so different from other people I met. She caught my attention that first day I saw her. The way her blonde hair reflected the light, the way her smile lights up the room, the way her voice fills my ears. My world had become Katya.

I decided to turn off the television after thinking and put on music. I turned my stereo on and walked up the stairs to my room. I took off my makeup and pulled bobby pins out of my hair before undressing. I looked at myself in my full body mirror. I was never the thinnest girl and after a while, I was okay with that. I grew up and learned that guys liked my body and later on, girls liked it too. And now I was kind of hoping Katya was one of those girls. I know it is dumb to become so emotionally involved into something that wasn't but it gave me a reason to smile. Was this okay? Probably not. Was it healthy? Um I don't think it is. Does it make me crazy? Pretty sure it does. But I didn't care, I had a piece of happiness and I really didn't want to let it go. I turned away from the mirror and walked into the bathroom. I ran a bubble bath and dropped in a bath bomb. The hot water felt amazing on my skin and Katya felt amazing on my mind. I sighed and let the water come up to my chin, I was a mess and no one knew it.

It's one thing when you're a mess and others know but the thing is when you're a mess on the inside and the rest of the world sees you as together, complaining and being down isn't a choice. People could see you as a brat who is just complaining because it a just single raindrop that hit your face. When really that raindrop is just the start of the storm that visits you all the time in the dead of night and is slowly making its way into the daylight. That is the thing about wearing a fake smile, after a while the world forgets what your real smiles looks like. They don't know that the pain is slowly getting to you and that smile that has been a mask for so long, is cracking. You can only fix something with broken promises and false hope for so long before it needs to be thrown away. Katya gives me a break from all this. She sees past my mask but never pushes. She was just there when the mask came off, she held me and waited until I was ready to be a fraction of okay. I don't know why but I wanted to believe her when she said it was okay to be happy or why I opened up about my grandfather. Kim and Aja made me promise to go to therapy, which I kept that promise. After ten sessions that taught me nothing except how to build my walls thicker and higher, I gave up. They never said anything else about it and neither did I. I learned to smile and seem happy so no one would worry about me, I learned that from a young age. Keep a smile, laugh when needed, speak when spoken to, and cry when you're alone. It worked for years but as the darkness got darker, it got harder to know when I was truly alone.

After I spent another hour sitting in a mixture of water and my tears, I found myself laying on the floor. The fluffy carpet felt good on my skin, soft and warm. My phone had been buzzing ever since I got home, I knew it was the girls asking about Katya. I didn't want to disappoint them but there was nothing there, and there never would be. Even if part of me wished we could happen, that part was senseless and reckless. The silence of my night was ripped apart by my phone ringing. I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was 3am. The ringtone was generic so I knew it wasn't one of my close friends, which was weird because who would call me this time of night. I sighed and stood up to walk over to my bed. I looked at my phone and when I saw who it was, my heart almost stopped. 'Katya'. I rushed to answer so she wouldn't hang up. "Hello?" I didn't want to sound too interested in this call, it would give off the wrong message.