Healing Each Other (Loki Fanfiction)

Chapter 26

"Do you ever consider leaving?" I ask Loki one day. No missions, so we're strolling hand-in-hand outside of the upstate compound. Clint finally went home to his kids, but I miss him. I'm still hoping to be invited one of these days. Tony is doing something for the September Foundation. The rest of the team except Thor is in Lagos. I didn't have clearance to know, but Steve told me it was to stop a guy named Rumlow from stealing biological weapons. I tried to go, but Steve refused, considering I broke my leg the other day on a mission. Loki healed me just fine, but I'm a little slower than usual. I tried arguing, but it's hard to argue with the Avengers, so I wished them luck and spent the days with Loki.

I really do love it here, especially the surrounding trees. It feels homier than Stark Tower. Small piles of snow melt around early sprigs of grass. I'm glad we're living here now.

"Leaving?"

"Leaving the compound, I mean. Still being part of the team, but having a place to be away from it all. You know, like Clint's house. A real home."

Loki ponders this, staring off with that thoughtful look I love. "Do you think about that often?"

"I think I would like to, someday. Maybe a small cottage or farmhouse, with lots of books and a fireplace and a garden. Something peaceful."

"That sounds nice," Loki murmurs, absentmindedly nodding along.

"What about you?" I ask, playfully nudging him.

"My plan is you," he says. "Home is you. Maybe we can get that someday. Just try to be... normal." I'm entranced by what he has to say, but his pause makes me look over at him.

"Loki, are you okay?" He blinks rapidly a few times, trying to clear his head. For a moment I worry he's having a flashback. Luckily, his eyes are still green, not blue. It's a cruel way to have him relieve those horrible memories. But when I take his hand, he's not scared. He's confused. "Loki, tell me what's going on."

"Love, I'll be back in a moment. Trust me," he says when I try to protest. "I'll be right back. Stay here." He moves away, staring at the sky. I play with a string on my shirt nervously, watching for him to betray any sign of terror or nerves. He does nothing. He just stands there. I reach out, trying to get a gage on his feelings. Loki's only instructed me on it once or twice, because it takes more energy than human contact, but the golden light appears and flows towards him in my mind.

Shock. And sadness. Tremendous sadness. Loss.

When he doesn't come back for twenty minutes or so, I really start to worry and tentatively make my way over. He doesn't react at all. "Lokes?" I say softly, so as to not startle him. He won't meet my eyes, so I run around him, trying to position myself in his line of sight. "Loki, love, what's wrong?"

Without warning, he envelopes me in one of the tightest hugs I've ever felt. He's shaking. I make the instant decision to stay out of his head. He'll tell me when he's ready. There's wetness on my shoulder. With a pang I realize he's crying. Loki never cries. He's an expert at concealing true emotions, terrified of vulnerability. I hold him closer and stroke his hair, mumbling comforting nonsense. He grips me harder, and my heart breaks for my broken love who somehow has been shattered again. Ice blue spreads up his hands every once in a while, which only makes it worse because I know he has really lost control of everything, even the mask he's scared to take off. Thanks to my jacket, he doesn't burn me.

When his tears have finally subsided, I give him the faintest kiss on the cheek and say, "whatever happened, I promise that it will be okay. It might not be now, but it will be okay in the end. I've got you. I've got you."

He holds onto my gaze for a long time before letting out a shuddering breath. "Mother is dead."

I put my hand to my mouth. No. Frigga. The Allmother. One who always treated me like a daughter of her own, who loved that I was always there for Loki, who was there for him before I was, and who never gave up on her son when everyone else did.

Who is dead now.

"How- how do you know?" I whisper. I tell myself to stay strong. I can't break down now. Loki needs me.

"Heimdall contacted me, in my mind," he says slowly, eyes never leaving mine. "Asgard is in disarray. There is someone claiming a right to the throne. I don't know who, he didn't have time to go into the details. My father is missing, my mother slain, and he fears he will have to close the Bifrost soon. He wishes for Thor and me to return before this."

"Does Thor know?"

"Yes. Heimdall had already spoken to him." His voice is emotionless, like a void. Dull. It hurts my ears. I would trade emotions with him but I have no good one to give.

"You have to go, then," I say, wide-eyed. Asgard, the beautiful golden city that saved my life, is in the hands of someone who killed Frigga. "I'll come too. We'll find Thor and we can-"

"Eliza, no. You are needed here, and this is far too dangerous," he argues. "To kill my mother and possibly my father would require great power. Your magic is mainly meant to help others, and your skills in combat lie in acting as an assassin, not a warrior."

"Loki, please. I can't stay here without any contact and just hope you aren't getting hurt. Not when I could heal you." He must know that isn't an option. I'd go insane without guilt.

"Loki!" Thor walks toward us, step and eyes heavy with grief. He knows. "I assume you've heard from Heimdall?" Loki nods stiffly and the brothers share a look of sadness. I give Thor a hug, but his thoughts are elsewhere.

"We need to go. I've already informed Stark's AI of our departure."

"Loki, wait!" I say, trying to reason with him.

"They need you here," he says firmly, gripping my hands. "And I promise, I will be back for you as soon as I'm able."

While Thor is generally clueless about situations like this, he has enough tact to tell Loki he has to get something inside and gives us five minutes. Loki's right. I hate to admit that he's right, but protecting me would only make him vulnerable, something he cannot afford.

"I love you, my little sol," he mumbles, sorrow fresh in his eyes. He seems to be making a decision. "And I have something for you."

I raise my eyebrows. "What is it?" I ask curiously, despite everything that is happening.

"I wasn't going to give it to you for a while, but with my leaving, I want you to have this," he says, pulling off his ring. It's the one he always wears, golden with an emerald. My eyes widen. "Asgardian tradition dictates that princes wear their signet rings until they find the one they love. Then, it becomes theirs."

"Loki, are you- are you proposing to me?"

"Yes and no. I meant it when I said your future is my future. I'm with you through it all, my love. I just won't be here for a long time, and I thought you might need a reminder of my love for you. So, for all intents and purposes, will you be my forever, my little sol?"

I get all choked up. His mother is dead and he still thinks of me. "Yes," I breathe. "Without a doubt, yes."

Loki conjures a chain to slip the ring on, then fastens it around my neck. "If you don't mind, I'd rather keep this a secret for now. It would be safer for both of us." I nod. He creates an illusion over his hand so it looks like the ring is still on.

"I wish you didn't have to go. Try not to take long, okay?" I whisper, a tear sliding down my cheek. Loki gives me a kiss, one full of pain and sadness and love. He's scared he might never see me again. So am I.

"I love you too."

The brothers step away. Thor raises his hammer to the sky, and they are transported to Asgard. Me, I just sit down and cry.

Hey hey hey! This chapter's sad but sweet, too. For anyone who thinks they got "engaged" too fast, they're only sort-of engaged, and they have known each other for about eight months, so it's not too short. Anyway, Loki and Thor are headed back to Asgard, and Eliza's waiting for the team to get back from Lagos. That's kind of important.