Healing Each Other (Loki Fanfiction)

Chapter 29

My fist collides with the punching bag again, harder and harder each time. Each hit is a frustration, one I'm trying to cope with somehow. Bam. Bruce is gone. Bam. Loki's in a different realm. Bam. My parents are dead. Bam. Frigga is dead. Bam. The stupid Accords. Bam. Ross's comments about me. Bam. Steve just got his heart broken. Bam. The list goes on and on. I miss the bag and my knuckles collide the wall, shredding skin once again. I wince.

"Miss, you are extremely fatigued and dehydrated," FRIDAY informs me. I huff. It's not like I don't know that already. "I would suggest water and sleep before you hurt yourself."

"I'm well aware of myself, FRIDAY," I say angrily. "Maybe if you were a human, you'd get it. Maybe if your brother was missing and your fiancé was on a different planet and all of your friends are fighting and, maybe you would be doing this to yourself too!" I'm screaming by the end, but I clap a hand over my mouth. I literally just told FRIDAY my secret. "FRIDAY, that is classified information. Do not tell anyone here, especially Tony, any of it."

"Of course, Miss Banner." I breathe a sigh of relief and go back to the punching bag. It feels good, just hitting something that won't hit back.

My emotions are getting the best of me, I know it. But for now, I allow them to. The pain feels better than the idea of dealing with my situation.  I'm so close to a mental breakdown. There's too much going on and absolutely nothing I can do to stop it, or even slow it down.

"You should be asleep." I don't turn around, just keep doing my own thing, but my punches are harder now.

"So should you. Isn't your hand tired, Nat? From signing those damn papers?"

"Eliza, it's three in the morning. FRIDAY, how long's it been since she slept?"

"Almost eighty-six hours, Miss Romanoff."

"FRIDAY, stop ratting me out! It's like you've got a vendetta or something."

"Thanks, FRIDAY." Nat raises her eyebrows at me. "That's unhealthy, you know."

"I'm aware. I am a biologist, after all," I snap. "How's Steve?"

She softens at this, moving forward to still the punching bag. I wipe sweat from my forehead and accept a bottle of water from her. "He left a few hours ago for the funeral. I'm going to meet him there later."

"Good," I mumble. Then he won't be alone. I sigh. "Natasha, why'd you do it?"

"I know how governments work," she says slowly. "It's coming either way. I'd rather comply than have it be forced on us with less freedom."

"But this is about us. The team, our rights, our duty. Don't we have a responsibility to take a stand?"

"We always do, but it's difficult to when the world doesn't trust the heroes to save them." She pauses. "Do you think Loki is a bad person?"

"What? Of course not. I hope you don't, either," I hiss, protective instantly.

"What I think is irrelevant. Do you remember how the world looked at him a few years ago? Now, some look at us that way. We need that to change. You need to decide what side you're on."

I throw my hands up. "Why? Why does there have to be sides? Why can't we be the team we're supposed to be for a few minutes? United. Do you recall what Fury loves to say about us? The whole 'there was an idea' speech?" Shaking my head, I sigh once again. "Listen, I'm sorry. I know what you came here to ask me. I love you like a sister, but I can't do it. I can't sign my right to save others away to a government I don't trust to let me."