Crash And Burn

Chapter 20

Wednesday rolled around, and Jordyn wasn't quite sure what to do.

Ryan needed to leave the following morning for Daytona. Under normal circumstances, Jordyn would be going with him, as she did for every race. However, there was no way she was going to leave Mel. Ryan would just have to go without her. As much as she hated it, unless...

"Mel, Do you want to go to Daytona?" Jordyn asked.

Mel hesitated "I don't think so. I don't want to face anyone. I don't want anyone to see me like this."

Jordyn's heart went out to her best friend. She decided to try another tactic. Mel had not even walked outside in days.

"You and I could stay in Ryan's bus. No one would even know you were there."

"I don't think so Jor."

Jordyn sighed. "Well, I'm not going either."

"You don't have to stay behind just for me. Go on. Watch your man race. I know you want to go and I know he wants you there."

Jordyn shook her head. "Nope. I'm not leaving you alone. Ryan got along just fine without me for all those years, he can manage one weekend. Besides, there is no way I can go to Daytona without my bestie. That's the place where Ryan and I began and I became a fan, and I have you to thank for that."

Mel gave a slight smile. "That really was the best week. But seriously Jor, I will be fine by myself. I can catch up on Netflix and do some reading without you and Ryan hovering over me."

Jordyn faked a pout of indignation. "We do not hover."

Mel bit back a smile. "Yes you do. Both of y'all do. Y'all are ridiculously sweet. So sweet, I might be getting a cavity."

"Well, you're stuck with me, because I'm not going."

Mel sighed and rolled her eyes. "You're going, and I'm going. No one knows I'm there and I'm not leaving the bus, but I'm going. Are you happy now?"

Jordyn grinned "Yes I am."

********

Ryan was happy that Jordyn had been able to talk Mel into coming to the race. He was actually surprised. He thought for sure he would be going alone.

Today seemed to be a better day for Mel. She was starting to get some of her spunk back.

Jordyn however, had not been herself. It had been rough for her to see her best friend going through something so traumatic.

Jordyn had been very withdrawn since Mel's attack. He had been worried about her.

Mel had opened up to both he and Jordyn about that night. He was a little surprised that she told him, but he was glad that she trusted him and felt comfortable enough to confide in him. It meant a lot to him because she was so important in Jordyn's life.

Two days ago, the police called. Her rapist had been caught and was in jail. Because he had a prior arrest record, he was denied bail and was currently awaiting trial.

They told Mel she was free to return to her apartment. She got scared when that was brought up. She had no desire to return there.

She would be looking for a new apartment the following week. Ryan and Jordyn had invited her to stay for as long as she needed.

********

Later, after Jordyn and Ryan had finished getting their things together to leave in the morning, they both climbed into bed.

Ryan pulled Jordyn closer, and began placing soft, open mouth kisses along her neck.

It had been several days since they were intimate. He did not notice her body stiffen.

He slowly dragged his hand from her stomach to cup her breast, his finger lazily drawing circles around her nipple.

"Ry, Stop." She pushed his hand away, and squirmed out of his grasp.

"Jordyn, What's wrong." He asked.

"I'm just...I'm just not in the mood tonight."

He tried to pull her closer to him, but she flinched at his touch.

"I said no Ryan." She snapped.

Suddenly, she realized how those words sounded, and the memories came rushing back. Memories of what she should have said, but didn't say. How could she have forgotten this? She had had flashbacks over the last couple of days, but this was a full fledged memory, and it made her want to throw up. She remembered all the times she had said no and stop to Ryan, and he stopped. All the times he could have taken advantage of her but he didn't. He respected her. She had never had that in her life.

Why did she keep seeing his face? She tried to focus on Ryan, but his face, not Ryan's invaded her mind. His touch made her skin crawl. She let it happen.

She was hit with an overpowering wave of nausea that had her running to the bathroom. As she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

Ryan was there. He held her hair back with one hand and rubbed her back soothingly with the other.

After she was finished, he sat down on the floor and held her. A few moments later, he got up for a minute, then returned.

A cool washcloth was placed on the back of her neck, her forehead. He softly stroked her hair, her face. His touch was so tender, so loving.

"It could've been me. It kind of was me, but then it wasn't." She began rambling. She wasn't making much sense, but she obviously had something weighing on her that she needed to get out. "I tried to forget it. I thought I did. But now I remember everything. He tasted like cigarettes and cheap beer. I wanted to throw up. His cologne made me want to throw, but I didn't. I let him. I didn't say no. I don't know if he would have stopped anyway, but I never said no." She was leaning against him, sobbing.

"Did someone hurt you Jordyn?" He asked, afraid of the answer. To his relief, she shook her head.

"It wasn't forced. I let it happen. Oh God! Why did I let it happen?" She wailed.

"Did you say yes?" He asked. She shook her head again.

"I never said yes, but I didn't say no either. I didn't want it, but I did nothing to stop it."

He was relieved to hear that she had not been raped, but this encounter traumatized her enough that she had repressed the memory of it. However, Mel's rape brought the memories back to the surface. She was talking to him about it, so at least she was letting it out.

"Who was he baby?" He asked softly. She sobbed again.

"I don't even know his name. How awful is that? I was so wasted. I don't even remember. I don't know if he even told me."

She was shivering. He realized they were still sitting on the cool, hard bathroom floor. He gathered her in his arms, stood up and carried her to the bed. He wrapped the blankets around her and pulled her close to him. This time, she didn't flinch.

"How can someone like you love someone like me? The things I've done. The choices I made.." she trailed off. It was hurting his heart to see her like this. So fragile and vulnerable.

"I love you regardless of what happened in your past. I will never judge you for that. I love you for who you are. The girl who saw it in herself to make a change. The girl who made me wait. The girl who was worth waiting for. I know I said your past doesn't matter, but actually it does because it shaped you into who you are now, and I do love you. I love you so much. I don't care about the past. I'm only concerned about the present and the future."

She turned to face him, and kissed him softly. "Thank you for loving me. You are my present and my future. Please keep holding me Ryan. I need you."

"I'm never letting you go." He kissed her softly. "Get some rest. I'll be here."