Adhura Alviida

in sickness and health

FYI: Xanax is a type of drug that is used to calm people down, but can be extremely harmful if not prescribed by a doctor. Many people overdose on it and die.

Aditya trembled as he lay down across the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. He had been shivering, trembling and crying there for what felt like hours. He was so scared. It had been a week since his he was released for the hospital but ever since then it had been an uphill battle within himself. Sometimes he had nightmares about being unable to live until Zoya got there in time, some nights he had weird nightmares of Pooja accusing him of being an incompetent husband, some nights he dreamt of holding a baby and smiling only to have the baby slowly disappear from his hold and being unable to do anything to save the child, some nights remembered how Rajveer killed his father, some nights he remembered being unable to save his mother. He had bottled up his emotions. It was something he became used to. Ever since he was a child and saw his parents fight over an unknown woman, he took it upon himself to cover his ears and pretend the trauma didn't exist. Escaping became his coping mechanism. If his dad wanted him to be a lawyer, he rebelled and became a pilot, burdening his little brother with the entire responsibility of being the picture-perfect son. When he found out what a horrible husband he had been to Pooja, his easiest way of releasing himself of the burden was to take a flight out of the country to a place where his memories wouldn't haunt her. He remembered when he fell in love with Zoya, it was all so scary. He needed Pooja's approval to love her because he felt unworthy of her, and God knows he really was. He didn't deserve nice things but God was still kind enough to grant him a real-life angel in the form of his Zoya. She was as bright as the blue sky and fresh as the childhood memories he wishes he had. Everything about her was colorful, beautiful and bright...the exact opposite of him. If he saw life from the pessimistic side, she was the optimist. Yet he was unable to cherish his gift. He threw her out of his life to be hurt by vultures. Yet he found her again only to hurt her again by misunderstanding her.

He wanted to blame his traumatic childhood for his insecurities. He wanted to blame Pooja for hurting him, he wanted to blame his dad for destroying his trust in the institution of marriage, he wanted to blame his mom for doing something despicable. But he realized, in the end...he was the root cause of all of the issues in his life. He was truly the misery of everything. Zoya's love seemed to save him every time, but he knew it was only a matter of time before she began getting irritated with him too, just like everyone else did. His heart knew her love was unconditional and limitless...because it really took bepannaah love to put up with him the way she did, but sometimes the demons in his head made him feel as if his one wrong move with her could shatter their perfect little world. What if she too got tired of his anxiety and depression that overcame his mind?

Aditya got up and quickly began shaking his mind out of those thoughts. He would never lose Zoya, he was going to be the perfect husband. He wasn't going to let his stupid anxiety get in the way of their marriage. He couldn't make the mistake of telling her either, she had already dealt with so much of her own trauma and his issues that he was not dare going to overburden her with the pain of his mental health. He stepped into the shower and began scrubbing his skin as if it were physically possible to peel off the depression from his skin. He would try anything but not let his lady love be burdened with his issues ever again.

**

Zoya came home to the smell of spices filling the aroma of her home. She looked into the kitchen and was taken aback to see Aditya stirring something in the pot. His hand was still in the caste and he wasn't supposed to be using at all. She gasped as she dropped her bag and reached out to him.

"Aditya! What are you doing...baby, you should be resting!" She said taking his bandaged hand into her own.

"Zoya...you're home! Look...I made your favorite biryani. You like it, na?" He said, as if he was child asking for their parents' approval.