AN: I finally memorized the email addresses! To this point I've had to open old email chapters to remember. Also, "aota" means "All of the above", but it's more fun to type. Also, "nota", which is "none of the above". Is this something that's commonly known or is it just something people I know used?
FROM: isthisjustfantasy@gmail.com
TO: jetkelly813@gmail.com
DATE: Nov 11 at 11:45 PM
SUBJECT: RE: aota
Jet,
Okay, first of all, Baby Taters ABSOLUTELY qualify as a food group. Second of all, they are the ONLY food group that matters. My sisters and I actually made up this place called the TABY TATERS about ten years ago when we were staying at our aunt's. It's this place where everything is made up of some kind of baby tater, and the river is milkshake of any kind, and you sit on top of a massive baby tater and float on it. You get a whole sack of baby taters and you can fill a cup with milkshake whenever you want and dip in your taters. It's kinda like the scene in Willy Wonka with Augustus and the chocolate river. In our defense our aunt is orthodox, vegan, and hates fried food (is that even something that should work?), so basically everything tasted AWFUL. I don't even know what the hell we were thinking, but The Spoon did open that year. Even though we don't get to go down a milkshake river there, at least we get the taters. I feel like I'd get banned from The Spoon forever if I admitted it publicly, but I honestly like hash browns better sometimes.
Anyway, I forgive you for your ignorance. I know you didn't realize you were talking to the tater god.
- Lucas
FROM: jetkelly813@gmail.com
TO: isthisjustfantasy@gmail.com
DATE: Nov 12 at 5:37 PM
SUBJECT: RE: aota
Lucas,
It's true, I had no idea I was talking to such a Baby Tater connoisseur. I know this guy who really loves baby taters, you might hit it off so well. Anyways, the TABY TATER sounds like a magical place. So, Doctor, how many servings of taters are necessary for a balanced diet?
-Jet
FROM: isthisjustfantasy@gmail.com
TO: jetkelly813@gmail.com
DATE: Nov 13 at 7:55 PM
SUBJECT: Sweet tooth?
I can't imagine why you'd think that you weren't talking to a connoisseur, though I'm not exactly Cilan from the Black and White Anime. That guy you know sounds hella cool. We'll rule the Tater universe together.
All right- I have a sneaking suspicion that you're not 100% committed to your tater diet. The guidelines are really pretty basic. Breakfast is obviously hashed taters or chocolate covered hashed taters. No, they're not gross. Shut up. They're amazing. Lunch should be tater pizza with Oreo milkshake topped with vanilla ice cream, and for dinner and a drink, Deep Fried Taters and milk and taters blended together. No water. Only Tater Milk. Dessert can be just taters. Sound reasonable? It's for your health, Jet.
I swear, typing this is actually making me hungry. This totally used to happen to me when I was younger. Isn't it funny the way you used to fantasize about junk food as kids? It's really all consuming. I guess you have to obsess about something before you hit puberty.
- Dr. Lucas
FROM: jetkelly813@gmail.com
TO: isthisjustfantasy@gmail.com
DATE: Nov 14 at 10:57 PM
SUBJECT: RE: Sweet Tooth?
Lucas,
I really appreciate you looking out for my health. It will be hard, but I know my body will thank me. Seriously, I can't argue with the fact that Taters are extremely delicious, and the menu you described actually sounds amazing. Although, for me, I'll have to leave out the deep-fried Tater dinner. I'm not really a deep fried type of person, I type as I not-so-fondly remember my past.
It was the summer of '14... ten year old, impressionable Jet Kelly was as excited as can be going to his first carnival. His cousin, who we shall call Jacques for obvious reasons, convinced him to eat a deep fried Oreo just before going on the Tilt-A-Whirl.
I'll spare you the details, but let it be said that people who get nauseated easily have no business riding that thing. I haven't been able to look at anything deep-fried the same way since. Sorry to even have to tell you that. I know Taters are really important to you.
I have to admit I like to imagine you as a kid fantasizing about junk food and I will leave it there.
-Jet
YOU ARE READING
Cyrus v. the Homosapien Agenda
RomanceCyrus Goodman is just a typical drama club kid at Shadyside High School. He has three best friends, Jonah, Buffy, and Andi. They hang out at Waffle House together and do whatever normal teens do. But he has one huge ass secret: he's gay. And he inte...
