Cyrus v. the Homosapien Agenda

1/28/22

A.N: My favorite chapter yet! Hint: I wrote a very important piece of dialogue the day the finale was released. Also the same night I decided to change a huge part of the book.

Interesting fact: Before the finale, I had TJ's name in the story as Thomas Jefferson Kippen. Following the whole thing like how Bram was Abraham (like Lincoln), and a time where it was Cyrus who was supposed to be outed.

Today's a nervous wreck kind of a day, and I'm glad I'm not playing Fagin tonight. Amber came to surprise me for my final performance as Fagin last night, and she's staying the weekend. Apparently her classes are too boring on Mondays this semester so she's flying back tomorrow afternoon.

All the kids are heading to the Mack residence after the show, including myself. I would never admit this to Marty but Mack parties have honestly been way cooler than Marty parties. It helps that her parents are so chill.

And... I spiraled again. Ever since I read the emails, old feelings came back. I'd brushed them aside after learning who Jet was because having to balance being the cool friend I am to TJ and being this possibly romantic confidante to Jet was a challenge. I logged off the emails after that night, but one fact continued to grow.

I have crazy feelings for TJ Kippen. And if he's at the party tonight, I'm going to tell him I'm Lucas, and that I have feelings for him.

I go to school trying not to think of it, but I'm extremely nervous. I put on my costume backwards, and I spend ten minutes looking for my contacts before I realize that I don't even need them. I've achieved Reed levels of twitchiness - I'm scolded by Libby for not holding still while she does my makeup multiple times. I grow a greater appreciation for her due to her ability to sign while holding makeup. All through the performance my mind is stuck on TJ TJ TJ. No matter what, tonight I'm telling TJ the true truth.

I don't really remember the performance. But I do know it was the perfect senior send off.

Afterward, there's this big goopy scene onstage of people hugging and thanking the audience and thanking the crew and thanking the orchestra. Allthe seniors get roses, and Gus gets a bouquet of them, and Ms. Albright's bouquet is off the freaking charts. My dad calls it the Sunday Evening Tearfest, which quickly inspired the Sunday Afternoon Unavoidable Golf Conflict. I don't even blame him. But then I think about Ms. Albright making it her life's mission to get those guys who wrecked the cast list and were crude to TJ suspended. And how pissed off and determined she looked, slapping the handbook down on that chair backstage. I wish I had brought her another bouquet or a card or a freaking tiara. I don't know. Something just from me. Simon and Bram told me she did the same when someone did that to Simon, and that woman's unwavering dedication to being there for her students is astonishingly admirable.

Then we have to get dressed again. And we have to strike the set. Everything takes forever. I never wear a watch, but I pull my phone out again and again and again to check the time. 5:24. 5:31. 5:40. Every part of me twists and flips and screams with anticipation.

At six, I leave. I just walk out the door. And it's so warm outside. I mean, it's warm for January, though with Shadyside, the weather is extremely unpredictable. I want to be less excited, because who the hell knows what TJ is thinking, and who the hell knows what I'm setting myself up for. But I can't help it. I just have a good feeling.

It gets cooler around the time I get out of the car at home, so I quickly change into a red plaid shirt, a nice sweater, and black jeans. I take extra care to make my hair look right, and in a spur of the moment choice, I keep my makeup on. It's been giving me a lot of confidence this week.

Since all three of us Goodmans are going to the party, I drive us. Kira's wearing a black blouse and jeans, and Amber, in her worldly college party knowledge, is wearing a purple dress that kinda reminds me of a flapper dress.