Reece's Haven

22

"All day and all night, I think of you."
– Nautica

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~ D O R O T H Y ~

November 1997

Hushed music is being played while I watch aimlessly at the passing view. Different sources of light flash by me as mother drives us back home. Mother tries to initiate small talk but, sensing my gloominess, she chooses to remain silent. I do not realise when we reach home until she places her hand on my right shoulder, causing me to jump a bit.

"Dorothy," she whispers.

I turn to face her and I can tell she is contemplating whether she should say what she actually wants to say.

"Let's go in."

I guess she decided to play safe. I nod my head, unbuckling my seatbelt.

We enter the house and part ways; I trudge to my bedroom while she goes to the kitchen. Once I close my door, I walk towards the windowsill and sit down on it with my knees up, staring at the view ahead of me in a daze. My mind is blank but my heart seems to grasp what's going on as I feel the heaviness in my chest. It feels heavier and heavier with each passing second. I don't know how much time passes, but eventually, I snap.

With a loud wail, I drop my head onto my knees. Years of hopelessness and anger. All for what? I used to believe that my reason for hating mother and Reece was justified. I believed that they did not care about me and that they abandoned me.

But I was wrong all this time.

Mother had always wanted me back home and Reece had loved me.

I hate to admit it, but I wish that they had actually neglected me on purpose because hating them feels so much easier than changing my mind about them and accepting them into my life. Just think about it; if you have hated someone for years because you believe that they wronged you, would it be easy for you to accept them back into your life once you realise that they never meant to wrong you? It would be bloody confusing!

Hot tears spill down my cheeks. I then cover my face with my hands, sobbing into them. My bedroom door swings open without warning, receiving no reaction from me.

"Dorothy!" mother says, concern thick in her voice.

In an instant, her arms wrap around me and her hands rub my back in an attempt to soothe me.

"What happened?"

I shake my head, choking on air. God, it's so difficult to breathe.

"Dorothy, you can talk to me. You know you can talk to me."

"He l-loved me," I burst.

Her hands freeze before they continue to rub my back. Now that I said it out loud, it feels even more real.

Oh god.

"Reece?" mother asks. I nod, sniffing.

I wish to believe that he lied to me back at the hospital, but the way he said everything, the way he looked at me while saying it, it's like I saw a glimpse of little Reece. The tough facade he usually had on just melted away, exposing a very vulnerable, true and remorseful Reece.

"He said he had loved me m-more than a-anything. I wish he h-hadn't. I wish he was the b-bad guy."

He even said that I was like his haven.

Haven.

I did not know that I actually meant a lot to him when we were younger. I did not know that he, like me, went through trauma.