Vasanthika

Vanamadevi

Her son and his well being only wish and prayer for Vanamadevi. Life was not very fair for her. She was married at a tender age, before learning the gentle fabric of marriage, she was deprived of her husband. Since then, Vanamadevi lived only for her son Kulasekaran. Her only brother Kodandam was her support till his last breath. Later she began to look after his daughter as her own. Her viewpoints on life are very rigid and old fashioned. She finds difficult in accepting the changing ways of life. Vanamadevi succumbed to her thinking, she always draws a line separating good and bad. The distinction is not always easy to identify. Poor she, it is beyond her reasoning to appreciate the goodness in all.

That day, Vanamadevi was sitting with her niece Nappinai in the main hall of their modest dwelling. They were reliving childhood memories of her son , Kulasekaran. There was a loud squeak at the entrance. Kulasekaran came rushing inside with his hands rubbing over a mark in his forehead. It took no time for his mother to notice a swelling.

"Kulasekara!"Vanamadevi almost yelled seeing a bruise mark over his forehead.

"You are hurt", Turning to her niece, "Nappinai fetch some turmeric and oil."

"Amma, I am fine." resisted Kulasekaran

"No... It is not fine. You have been hurt." Vanamadevi persisted.

Nappinai brought in the tray containing medicine. Vanamadevi applied on his forehead. 

"Amma, please.." He shoved her hand.

His reluctance made her pain. Nappinai looked alternatively at both of them. Ever since Kulasekaran returned from Kanchi, they had not spoken beyond bare minimal. There remained a room of secret beneath his layers of heart, no one including his mother could read. Hurriedly Vanamadevi asked her son

"Did you engage in a fight?" 

" Yes, amma."

Quietly Skimming at Nappinai Vannamadevi gently inquired "Was she the reason?"

" I fought for someone's dignity. " , crisply answered Kulasekaran with his hand crossed against his broad chest.

"Was it without a cause or consequence dear son?" Seeing him being quiet "What madness is this? For a girl who does not know the very name of father and whereabouts of her brother? forget lineage for the moment."

"So does it mean, she can toy around? Her dignity can it fly into high sky?"

" You mean dignity for those who seldom care?"

" Who created them amma? Why is it like this? When Nappinai and others are treated with respect why should she be treated like dirt?"

"So my son, you are seeing both Nappinai and that witch in the same scale."

"What do you failed to see is, that girl is a complex product of the tangled web created by our forefathers without hindsight about the future."

"Then blame her fate. Those girls ."

"Let us stop Atai." Vanamadevi and Kulasekaran looked at Nappinai who stood with folded hands. She was standing earnestly with tears brimming in her eyes. Her pleading brought an unusual silence in that house. Vanamadevi knew this silence is something that comes before a storm.

They dined quietly with the help of the lamp. Later Vanamadevi pacified her son. She tried her level best to be cordial with him. He too felt remorseful for raising his voice against a loving mother like her.

                                                 **********

Kulasekaran closed his eyes tight, at the sight of the silhouette. It must be his mother Vanamadevi. She must have come to glance over to assure Kulasekaran is asleep. 

She peeked at Kulasekaran, who lay still with his eyes closed.She took in  a deep breath" My son, I cannot let you slip into the abscess of hell." She closed the door carefully not to wake her son. Silently glided down in the stairs.  With a deep breathe she settled in her seat to open a book of hymns in Tamil. She saw the bookmark opening to a page on a Pasuram(hymn by Namalawar)

puviyum iru visumbum ninnakatta * nI en

seviyin vazhi pugundu en uLLAi – avivu inRi
yAn periyan nI periyai enbadanai yAr aRivAr?

Unparugu nEmiyAi! 

Oh! Lord! You hold a discus which is capable of devouring all flesh; this

world and Moksha are contained in you; thus, you are the Lord of both the worlds. How come, while this being so, you chose to enter me through my ears and you became contained in me and that too permanently? Having you contained in me irretrievably, who can say which one is greater than the other? You OR Me? If you know, you may yourself explain this conundrum (and admit your defeat!)(Srirangasri archive courtesy)

She gazed out of the window at something in the distance. She could see the various colored houses accommodating the dancing girls serving the temple. For a moment, her brain stopped thinking. 

And then, looking at room upstairs, she began reciting her recollection of events as narrated by her niece Nappinai. Vanamadevi was astonished to hear her say. She cannot completely ignore the pieces of information presented to her. In fact, Nappinai was not the first to utter them. There were few more pieces of evidence found by Vanamadevi to assume something is changed with respect to her son.