Nothing To Lose

2 - death by a thousand cuts

The field of yellow daffodils was a sight that Beam etched in his mind. He didn't want to take his eyes away from it, trying to memorize everything.

"It's been almost a year Kit but I don't think I could ever forget what happened to me." Beam couldn't avoid getting teary eyed.

"Then don't go home just yet." Kit suggested.

"I have to. You know I have to. I left a life there Kit. I can't run and hide here in England forever." Beam bent down and pluck a flower near his feet.

"We're just worried for you. I mean, you got married to Forth and.. a-and you almost died, Pha, Ming and I didn't even knew about it. Who know's what'll happen to you if you go back."

Beam sighed and smiled.

"Did you know that flowers had meaning?" Kit shook his head at the sudden random question.

"Yellow daffodils means new beginnings." Beam said.

"I have to start over Kit. I still wake up in the middle of the night. I'm still scared of what can happen if I see him again. I still hear his voice when I close my eyes too long. But I can't live with just fear. I want to live life like you, free, peaceful and happy. I want that Kit and I don't know if it's still possible or not but I have to try." Beam stared at the flower in his hand.

"Do you still remember when you called me that day when you woke up in the hospital? I d-don't want to see you like that again Beam. I c-can't. You can barely speak to me and Pha." Kit's voice was shaking as he recounts that unfateful day.

"P'Pha calm down." Wayo pleaded as he rubs Pha's back to soothe his nerves.

Kit was pacing back and forth the hospital room where Beam was currently confined.

Beam was seated on the bed, his head bowed, gripping the blanket on his lap. His left eye was swelling and bruised, his lips was busted. Beam's wrist was throbbing from the dark purple bruises around it. There were visible wound and cuts all over him.

"I'm going to kill that fvcker! I swear I'll kill him Kit!" Pha pounded on the wall in frustration.

When they received a call from Beam asking them to come and get him from the hospital, they immediately rushed to him in panic. It had been a while since they heard from him and so it shocked them to the core when they learned what happened to him.

"Now's not the time Pha. You need to calm down and think of something we can do to actually help our friend here." Kit was getting furious as well as minutes go by.

"I.. I'm s-sorry.." Beam was having a difficult time to speak. He felt like his throat was shattered and little movements of his lip was causing him intense pain.

Wayo, Pha and Kit immediately gathered near him. Kit held his hand.

"Hey.. You don't anything to apologize for. Just rest and we'll handle everything." Kit was trying his best to hold back his tears but when Beam suddenly burts out into a cry he was unable to control his tears anymore.

Hearts were being broken at the sight of Beam crying. It was like he was unbottling all the pain he had carried alone all this time. Kit could do nothing else but listen and watch his friend breakdown.

Pha excused himself and went out of the room with heavy footsteps.

"I'll get us something to eat." Wayo volunteered.

"We'll take care of you. Okay?" Kit gently hugged Beam.

Beam cried until there was nothing left to cry. When Wayo returned he was carrying food with both hands.

"P'Beam.. The doctor said it's okay for you to eat something. You should so you could regain your strenght." Wayo unboxed one of the take outs.

Beam nodded in agreement.

Pha entered the room and told them that he had came up with a plan for Beam's situation.

"I've spoken with this hospital's managing director and sorted everything out. An ambulance from one of my hospital will be here shortly to transfer Beam. That way, Wayo and I can keep an eye on him. When he's healed, he can go with you and Ming to England."

"Beam is this okay with you? If it's not, you can tell us." Kit asked softly.

"Y-yes.." Beam answered.

"What do we do with Forth?" Kit turned to Pha. And they saw Beam trembled at the mention of his husband's name.

"We'll file a case against him and put him behind bars. Blackmail, domestic abuse, that sh*thead kidnapped our friend here." Pha suggested.

"N-no.."

The three looked at Beam in confusion and disbelief.

"What do you mean Beam? Are we going to let that criminal get away after what he did to you?" Pha asked.

"H-he's n-not.. okay Pha.." Beam explained.

"I t-think it's b-because of me.." He added.

"No Beam. Don't blame yourself. This is just your head talking since you've been around him for too long. This happens to those who went through what you did. None of this is your fault." Kit said.

"I j-just want to g-go far away from here, far away f-from him.." Beam gripped on the blanket even tighter.

The first week on the new hospital was hard for Beam. He couldn't fall asleep without medication. He would lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours and hours. Wayo would read a book to him or talk to him so he could be entertained. Kit and Ming would visit him their son and he would play with him. The physical therapy was the hardest for Beam. Having two recovering broken ribs made breathing difficult for him and performing certain excercises was even more worse. Almost three months had passed before he was physically fit to walk on his own without a crutch or someone to assist him. Even then the nightmares hadn't stopped coming at him. There were times that he would just breakdown at the sight or sound of a motorbike. He would scream that Forth was going to hurt him. It would take hours before Pha and Wayo could calm him down.

Going to England with Ming, Kit and their son was one of the best things he did. He felt like this time, he was really far away from him. He found solace in their home for the last six months.

"I remember eveything Kit. I remember everything like it was yesterday." Beam answered.

"Promise me Beam.. Promise me that you'll call one of us when you need help. Promise me."

"I promise." Beam smiled and held up his right hand holding the flower between his thumb and palm.

"It's alright Kit. I'm going to be okay. I have to be."