Nothing To Lose

10 - dreams and warm conversation

Beam shakes Forth's shoulder in an attempt to wake him up. He noticed his shirt was still wet.

"F-forth.. Get up."

He was only answered by shallow breathing and grunts.

Beam sighed in defeat. He glance around and rummaged through the kitchen and restrooms to look for a medicine kit but he couldn't find any.

"Forth? Wake up. Where's the-" Beam spotted an orange bottle of medicine on the table.

It was still sealed and unopened. Beam examines the medication on his palm.

Painkiller? Why would he need this?

He looks at Forth and the orange bottle before securing it in his back pocket.

"F-forth?" Beam could see the sweat and the rain mixed on Forth's skin.

Beam thought of wrapping Forth in a blanket to warm him up but he was still soaked and so was the couch he had been sleeping on.

With every courage that Beam has, he held Forth's hand and pulled him up. He managed to brought him inside the bedroom on the second floor. Forth was heavier than he remembers him to be.

Beam removed Forth's wet shirt off alonh with his other clothing. A mixture of fear, sympathy and worry swirls inside Beam. There was a scar on Forth's chest, like it was a cut from a glass or a knife. Beam couldn't help himself but to run his thumb across it. For a brief moment he felt Forth's beating heart. He stared at his face and he noticed a tear escaping from his husband's closed eyes. Beam felt his heart lodged in his throat, like his chest burns in an ache that's been kept at bay for so long.

The bedroom window blasted open and a gush of wind with a drizzle of rain had entered the room. Forth's body coiled from the cold. Beam rushed to close it. He proceeded to get a warm water and rapidly but gently, he washed Forth's upper body. At the back of his mind, Beam knew that there was a still a hint of admiration for Forth, he was even more ripped and handsome since the last time he saw him.

And there it was again, that painful twist in his chest, the sensation of having his heart twisted in different direction when he recalls the night Forth lost control.

Beam squeezed the washcloth and pats it around Forth's hand. There was a moment of hesitation. This was the same hand who held his own hands when he needed him. This was the same hand that hurt him and chained him in the dark.

He shut his eyes and shook the thought away. Forth was sick and he needed help. He would do the same regardless of who it was or so Beam tells himself.

When he finished and changed Forth's clothes, Beam stopped for a few seconds to stare at Forth. He looked a lot comfortable than he was lying on the floor with wet clothes on.

Forth turned to his side, facing Beam. He was shaking. Beam pulled over the blanket to warm him up. Beam stood up to pick up Forth's clothes on the floor. Forth opened his eyes slowly. His eyes although halfhooded and his vision although hazy weren't able to stop him from reaching out to softly hold Beam's hand.

Beam was caught offguard. He was stunned.

"Beam don't go.. Beam.. Don't leave me.." Forth pleaded in a low voice, almost crying. His throat was dry and coarse.

Beam slowly sat down on the bed. His gaze fixed on Forth.

Forth's hand remained around Beam's wrist. Surprisingly, he felt no fear nor dread. He looked at Forth and he had his eyes closed again.

You never looked so gentle until now. Beam though to himself.

A tear drops from Forth's shut eyes, one after the other. His breathing started racing.

"Beam.." Forth calls out his name like he was begging.

Beam had to swallow the stabbing pain inside him.

"B-beam.. P-please.. Don't go.. Help me.." Forth mumbles.

Beam felt his heart drop. Tears started swelling up in his eyes.

In all the years that he had been with Forth, not once did he ever saw him cry, or beg for anything to anyone. But for Beam, he did, twice.

The grip on Beam's wrist tightens as Forth starts to toss and turn. He was crying and calling Beam.

Beam could no longer hold back and he instinctively hugged Forth to keep him in place. His head rested against Forth's chest. Beam could hear his heart pounding away.

"It's okay Forth.. I'm here. I'm right here." Beam says with a shaky voice as he rubs Forth's chest to calm him down.

He could feel Forth's arm wraps around his back. Forth's breathing slowly steadied.

"Beam.. Don't go.." Forth whispered in his sleep state.

How long has it been since he was within Forth's arm? Too long for Beam to remember, too painful to recall.

He stared up at Forth from where his face was resting. An overwhelming storm of emotion brews up within him. Perhaps even stronger than the one outside.

With a mind on its own, his hand brushes up the hair that almost covered Forth's closed eyes. Forth leaned in to his touch like he remembers it.

Maybe just for tonight I can forget our past.

Beam moved closer. With tears running down his cheek, he closed the distance between their lips.