Nothing To Lose

6 - it hurts like hell

Forth leaned his back against the palm tree, glancing at Beam in every opportunity he gets. He noticed how Beam changed. He looked healthier, he was glowing. The longer he stares at him the harder he resists to run and swoop him up in his arms.

When Kit was nowhere in sight he planned on approaching Beam. He wanted to embrace him, to kiss him, to talk to him and to hold his hands. He would've have done all of that if it wasn't for what Beam had said to the ring when he was finally alone.

"I know.. I held on to you for the most obvious reason."

What reason? What's the reason Beam?

"But if I want to move forward with my life I have to let you go."

No. Please Beam. No. Don't let me go.

"Maybe.. maybe in my next life I'll get to have you around my finger again."

Beam I can change. I'll do anything. Please..

"Maybe even given by the same person who gave you to me."

Forth found himself trying to hold back his tears as he listens to Beam. Every word cuts deeper inside his chest. Forth felt hollowed.

And when he thought he couldn't feel his heart get any heavier, he heard Beam's cry.

The next thing he saw was the ring flying off from Beam's hand and into the water.

Forth felt his knees buckled. Beam didn't want to love him anymore.

His mind was racing. He wanted to punch himself. He wanted to drag Beam away and make him take back everything that he said.

Forth took several deep breaths to calm himself down. When he looked at where Beam was standing earlier, he wasn't there anymore.

He stared out in the ocean and glanced at the ring in his finger.

Forth looked around and he saw Beam's back, walking towards the hotel. He was so close yet so far away.

"Beam.. I'm still here.." He whispered.

The night had fallen and the place was becoming festive as it gets darker.

Forth stayed in his room. He was sitting on the chair with an unlit cigarette in his hands. He was conflicted on smoking it up or not. He tapped it on the arm rest of the chair. He hasn't smoked a stick since their wedding day.

"Beam wouldn't want me smoking." He said, finally deciding on smashing the cigarette in his palm.

Several floors below, Beam was having dinner with Ming, Kit and their son. They were laughing at the time when Ming was still chasing Kit back in college.

His phone rang with his mother's number on the call register.

"Excuse me, I'll just answer this." Beam stood up and went outside of the restaurant.

"Hello Ma.."

"Beam! How are you doing? When will you come home? Your brother misses you." His mom's voice were at her usual cheekiness.

"I'll be home soon. Say hi to pa and nong for me. I love you." Beam answered.

"I love you too Beam. Take care of yourself there okay? Don't starve yourself. Wear a jacket if it's too cold."

Beam chuckled. They spoke for a few more minutes before his mother bid goodbye and ended the call. There was still a smile on his lips when he turned around and spotted a familiar face near the entrance of the restaurant. A face he thought he would never see again.

Beam turned pale.

His breathing started picking up its pace in panic. Suddenly all the air stopped going through his lungs. Images of his assault flooded his mind. Sweat had formed on his forehead as his heart pounded on his chest. Beam couldn't move, he wanted to scream but he could no longer control his body. His hands turned numb and his knees gave out. Everything started spinning until it was all black.

"Beam? Beam? Beam wake up.."

Beam gasped and jolted out from his unconsciousness.

"I saw him! H-he's here!" Beam frantically scans the room that he was in.

"It's okay. We're at the hotel clinic." Kit rubs Beam's back to calm him down.

"I saw h-him!" Beam uncontrollably cried as he hugs Kit.

"Forth isn't here Beam. You're safe." Kit tried to pacify his friend.

"No. I s-saw him with my own e-eyes Kit. You have to believe me." Beam was stuttering, trying to say anything in between hiccups.

Kit remained quiet and continued on hugging a crying Beam.

Ming dialed the hotel's reception desk on his phone.

"Hi. This is Ming. Can you check if someone by the name of Forth is listed as one of our guest?" He asked the person on the other line.

Beam was wiping his tears, his attention locked on Ming.

"Okay. Yeah. Great.. Thanks." Ming ended the call.

Ming shakes his head.

"P'Forth isn't here P'Beam. I can assure you that.." Ming announced.

Beam closed his eyes and sighed in relief. He laid on the pillow and put his arms over his eyes to cover them.

I saw him..