Nothing To Lose

15 - im a little unsteady

"P'Beam? P'Beam?" Wayo called Beam's attention.

"P'Beam.." Wayo gently pats his shoulders. It was enough to bring back Beam to his senses.

"Y-yo.. How long have been standing there?" Beam asked as he tries to regain composure.

"Long enough to know that you need a break." Wayo smiled sympathetically.

"Sorry.. I was just.. thinking." Beam responded.

"I can tell. Go outside and get some air. Breathe P'Beam." Wayo suggested, grinning at Beam.

Beam only smiled and looked away into the falling leaves outside the window glass.

Wayo sighed.

"You've been spacing out for a week now. You're not okay P'Beam. You have to face it and deal with it the best way you know how. There's no shame in that." Wayo looked at where Beam was staring. It was cold outside and the leaves were being blown by the wind even Wayo somehow felt melancholic.

"You haven't seen your family in a while P'Beam. Maybe you should pay them a visit today. I'll take care of everything here for you." Wayo sat on the swivel chair.

"I rely on you too much, little Yo." Beam pats Wayo's hair.

"As you should. I'm being paid handsomely here. And this is also the one place where I can read my One Piece manga in peace, away from P'Pha. So rely on me for as long as you can." Wayo chuckled and it made Beam smile, a little bit genuine this time.

Beam, for the past week has been walking empty. He drags himself to work every morning and he would sleep or often cry in the darkness of his own room.

When Beam reached his parent's home he checked his reflection first and forced a smile.

"Beam, you haven't been sleeping. I can see dark circles under your eyes. Oh look at you. You are stick thin. You haven't been eating too. I'll pack food containers for you to take home." His mother scurried off to the kitchen and prepared the food she will be giving Beam.

"Son? Is everything alright?" His father asked. His younger brother waits for him to answer.

"Yeah. Everything's okay. It's just work has been keeping me up lately." Beam shrugged the questions off.

"How is Forth?" His father asked again.

"He's.." Beam could see images of Forth. His smile, his lips, his eyes, his touch, his kiss, all racing in his mind.

"..happy." Beam smiled.

"What about you P'? Are you happy?" His younger brother asked cautiously.

Beam was stunned. He nodded as a response. His mother appeared and placed a tote bag containing five food containers.

"Beamiee here is the food. Have dinner with us before you go home. Okay? We haven't seen you in such a long time. I cooked beef curry, your favorite." His mother pinches his cheeks.

Beam looked at her. He wanted to tell her. He so badly wanted to tell them everything. But some burden is for him to carry alone. Before Beam could say anything, he embraced his mom. His heart swelling as his tears started falling.

"Oh.. Beamiee.." She was his mother and she knew all too well that Beam was not doing okay.

"I just missed you guys so much." Beam sniffles.

"GROUP HUG!" His younger brother shouted and he joined their embrace along with his father.

Between his younger brother's joke and his mother's gossips, his mood during dinner was lighter. He hoped it would last until he goes home, just so he won't cry himself to sleep tonight. But it wasnt meant to last. Beam was back to feeling like there are heavy stones against his chest as he drives home.

He was walking on the driveway and was gazing at the stars, trying to count some of them so he could distract his thoughts away. When his eyes fell to the path ahead of him, Beam froze. A familiar back wearing a disheveled suit with its coat hanged on his shoulders was knocking on his doors.

"F-forth?"

The man turned around, surprised by his presence.

Beam could only see half of his face in the night light. How long has it been since he last saw him? For Beam it felt like an eternity. He wonders if Forth feels the exact same way. If it hurts him to see the distance between them just as much as it hurts Beam. Does he also count the minutes when they are far apart just like what Beam has been doing for the past week?

"Hi.." Forth smiled.

Beam's heart pounded painfully the moment he heard his voice.

"What are you doing here?" Beam asked softly.

"Oh.. Uhhm.. I went here to return this." Forth hands Beam a handkerchief. Beam looked at it but made no move to receive it.

"You must have dropped it on the couch in my office." Forth was still waiting for Beam to reach out his hand.

Beam took it and with his right hand. There was a slight tug as Forth lets go of the cloth.

"Thanks.." Beam slides the handkerchief in his back pocket.

Forth nods in response.

"Well I.. better go."

Forth looked at him. His adam's apple bobbed up and down.

Beam watched as Forth drove away until he could no longer see his car in the distance.

He went inside his house and immediately drank a glass of water to soothe his nerves down. He leaned on the counter top. Beam once more turned his gaze to the ceiling just so he could fight off the tears that's been building up slowly.

A loud knock startled him. He went to the front door and opened it.

His heart skipped a beat.

Forth..

In the bright light, Beam could see Forth ckearly. His hair was messy and his eyes were red from crying. His chest was heaving. Three of his buttons were undone and sweat seeps through his suit. Forth's lips were quivering as he kept his tears at bay.

Forth looked at Beam straight in the eyes like he was begging for the pain to stop.

"Beam.."

Saying his name was enough for Forth to finally breakdown.

Beam immediately throws himself at Forth before his tears could even start to fall. His arms wrapped around his neck.

Forth embraces Beam as tight as he could. His arms around Beam's waist, clutching on his skin, afraid that he'll slip away again.

As he mewl, Forth was also trembling from the numbing ache he endured for weeks. His shoulders heaves as he cries. Beam kisses his forehead repeatedly, something he had been dying to do since he last saw him. Unable to sleep for days, Forth's knees buckled. He finally gave out and Beam carried his weight against his chest.

"It's okay.. W-we're g-going to b-be okay.." With tears in his eyes, Beam held on to Forth even tighter.