Nothing To Lose

3 - when the feeling sinks in

"Sir? Sir?"

There was a gentle shake that woke Forth up. He must have fallen asleep in the office again. He looked around and it was already morning.

"What time is it?"

"It's 8 in the morning. There's a car waiting on the parking lot ready to take you home." His secretary told him.

He headed towards the door but his secretary had called him before he could exit the room.

"Sir, I found a buyer for the house. I've already sent the details in your email."

Forth nodded and left.

This was the 9th time that he stayed the night to overwork himself. He knew that it was his own way of trying to keep his mind busy. But Forth knew that even just for a second of rest, he would think about Beam.
I hope he's okay.

I miss him..

I miss him so much it hurts.

He took off his coat and loosen up his necktie.

When he got to the parking lot, his driver was waiting for him. He entered the car with the intention to head home and just sleep all day but for whatever reason, he felt the urge to see the beach.

"Drive to Pattaya. I'll sleep on the way, do not disturb me, not until we get there."

"Yes Sir." His driver answered.

Forth closed his eyes drifting off to sleep hoping he'll see Beam even if it's just in his wildest dream.

"If you don't stop that I'll kiss you." Forth theatened Beam to make him stop from pinching his cheeks.

"Go ahead. Kiss me then." Beam responded playfully with a grin and Forth couldn't help but smile.

The afternoon sun was soothing against their skin. Taking a beach trip on their anniversary was the right decision Forth made, away from all the chaos and trouble that was brewing in their life in the city. They sat on the shore watching the waves and the sand play together.

"Can you believe it? One year. Wow." Beam said in wonderment.

"Why? Are you getting tired of seeing my handsome face?" Forth wiggled his brows.

"Handsome my ass. I'm more handsome than you are." Beam punched Forth's shoulder jokingly.

"Okay. Whatever you say." Forth chuckled.

A moment of silence passed between them. They would just stare out in the open sea, taking in the beautiful scenery.

"How long do you think we'll last Forth?" Beam turned to face Forth.

"For as long as we shall live." Forth answered.

"Do you really think so?" Beam asked.

"Don't you?" Forth took a deep breath.

"I'd love that. Forever and always." Beam leaned closer and rested his head on Forth's shoulder. He felt his lover's arms on his shoulder pulling him even closer.

"Beam?" Forth softly whispered.

"Hmm?" Beam hummed in response.

"No matter what happens. I want you to know that I love you so much." Forth kissed the top of Beam's head.

"I know. I feel the same way." Beam snuggled against Forth.

When the car stopped it awakened Forth.

"Are we here?" He asked.

"Yes Sir. Shall I book you a room?"

"No. I'll do it. Just bring me a change of clothes. I'll be staying here for two days. Tell Nina to take care of everything while I'm away." Forth put on his glasses.

He checked in the hotel. This was the same hotel that Beam stayed in when he took him away before, when he kidnapped him. And this was the same resort where they spent their anniversary when they were nothing but college students.

After an hour or two, a bellman delivered his things that was left by his driver in the reception desk. He changed into something comfortable and headed to the shore. It was surprisingly empty which he preferred. He sat on the sand and watched the waves.

How long do you think we'll last Forth?

He can still hear Beam's voice.

"I'm tired Beam. I'm so tired. I need you here. Come back to me." Forth whispered hoping the ocean breeze will somehow deliver his message to Beam.

The truth is, Beam was the best thing that ever happened to him. And when he left, all the colors in life has been drained away and everything turned to ashes in his mouth.

Forth looked up and watched the sky change it's colors into an orange hue. The golden hour.

"Beam would love to see that again."

He heard footsteps on the sand and a couple of voices approaching the shore.

"Okay. Fine. I'll take care of your son so you and your husband can go all out tonight, you freaks." A laugh soon followed.

It was a familiar voice that made Forth's heart stopped beating. His breathing hitched. His mind was racing with a hundred thoughts. Every muscle in his body was tensed. He stood up slowly to find where the voice was coming from.

Beam?