Nothing To Lose

7 - soon you'll get better

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Klein asked Beam.

"I'm okay, I think.. You really didn't have to go all the way here. I'm not even a paying client yet." Beam answered.

"I know. This is just something I feel very personal about." The doctor smiled at Beam.

It was almost midnight when Dr. Klein had arrived at the resort having been called by Kit in panic when Beam had passed out earlier. Ming and Kit had already gone to their room to give him and Dr. Klein some time to go over things.

"Your friend told me that you thought you saw your ex husband. Is that right?"

Beam had already calmed down and is now unsure of what he saw at the restaurant. He looked at Dr. Kleins gray hairs in an attempt to avoid his gaze.

"I don't know. I'm s-sure it wasn't him. I guess I was just tired. I haven't been getting enough sleep." Beam brushes up his hair away from his eyes.

"And why is that?" Dr. Klein followed up.

"Are we on session right now?" Beam chuckled.

"No. You're not my client so I'm not really your doctor." Dr. Klein smiled at Beam.

"Will you walk an old man on the beach? It's been a long time since I have been in a resort. I heard the light display on the shore is spectacular." Dr. Klein stood up not even waiting for Beam to answer.

"Sure." Beam responded willingly. He walked alongside the doctor out from the clinic and towards the shore.

Beam unlaced his shoes and removed it so he could feel the cold sand. He used his shoes to sit on and Dr. Klein did the same.

There was a moment of silence, a music from a distant restaurant along with the howling wind can be heard. The lights entangled along the rows of palm trees was indeed beautiful. Beam could get lost just staring at it.

"You've been dreaming about him, your husband." Dr. Klein broke the silence between them.

Beam froze from what he just heard.

"H-how did you-" Beam couldn't find the words.

"Is he still hurting you in your dreams?" Dr. Klein proceeded to ask.

Beam stood up and stepped away from the doctor.

"How did y-you know all this?" Beam was starting to get alarmed.

"I'm a psychologist Beam. It's my job to know these things." He smiled sadly.

"Do you want to know what's happening to your husband? It may hold some answer to stop your night terrors but if you don't want to, you can tell me and I'll leave." Dr. Klein added.

"What do you know about him?" Beam asked, torn between running away and wanting to hear what the doctor knows.

"Forth came to me a few months ago." Dr. Klein removed his glasses and wiped it on the hem of his shirt.

"He was going through a lot. We often talk about you in our sessions, how you were the only reason he had to go on living. People like him always have that thinking, clinging to one reason to live." He continued.

Beam slowly sat down again and listened to what he was saying.

"People like him?" Beam asked.

"Your husband has an Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Beam. Usually, a behavior disorder of that magnitude is triggered by life threatening physical and emotional injury. It doesn't happen overnight, it builds up over the years."

To say that he was confused was an understatement, Beam was lost.

"W-why are you telling me this?" He uttered.

Dr. Klein took out his wallet and handed Beam a photo. It was him, only younger, with a woman at his side.

"Her name was Sarah. She was kind and had the warmest smile I have ever seen. We lost our son in her womb a few weeks after that photo was taken. Just like your husband she developed IED. And just like him, she used to hurt me whenever she gets outburst of emotions. I distanced myself from her. I couldn't recognize her anymore. I couldn't see her as my wife, she became a monster in my eyes. And the nights that followed haunted me in my dreams." Dr. Klein's voice was shaky but it was obvious that he was trying his best not to tear up as he recounts what happened.

Beam could feel the sadness and a hint of guilt. He clutched a handful of sand and pour it down then repeats it all over again.

"Where is she now?" Beam asked curiously.

"She took her own life." Dr. Klein responded.

Beam held on to the remaining sand in his hands. Stunned at the doctor's answer.

"Since then I dedicated my entire life helping people who are going through the same thing she did. And I know I'm not supposed to tell you all this. But back then I wished someone could have told me. Maybe I could have done things differently."