Nothing To Lose

26 - running through rose thorns

"Where are you taking me?"

"On a date." Forth took off his engineering school uniform.

Beam laughed at his answer.

"Okay. But where, exactly? I might be underdressed."

Forth looked at him from the tip of his shoes to the top of his head. He noticed that Beam fidgeted awkwardly.

"It's not a five star restaurant, Doctor Fancy-" He snickered and handed Beam the spare helmet. "-and besides, you look good. You always look good."

He earned a punch on his shoulder from Beam.

It's been a couple of months since Forth decided to "chase after" Beam. They've been frequently going out together. Beam found Forth difficult to refuse. And now that their classes had ended earlier than usual, Forth drags him away to another one of his lunch dates.

It was either Beam walking out of their department building or Beam getting tricked into going to the engineering department building. Both always involved Forth leaning on the wall, waiting for him. And like today, Forth had managed to pull him away from Pha and Kit who seemed too eager to get rid of him lately.

The motorbike stopped at a street unfamiliar to Beam. He got off and removed the helmet the same time as Forth did. Beam looked around the area. A canopy of trees covered pretty much the entire street, giving shade to the few old shacks that lined up on the opposite side from where they parked. The sun, every now and then manages to peek through the thick layer of leaves whenever it sways against the wind.

Beam is still reluctant to believe that this place exists. It almost seemed like it had withstood time itself. It was like a secret hidden within the city. His eyes roamed around with an absent minded smile.

"..since 1989." Beam read one of the sinages atop on one of the restaurant.

Each small restaurant served mainly one dish based off it's names. Beam noticed that some of it have been built far longer than both of their ages combined.

"Forth? Why are we here?" He asked excitedly as he tugs on Forth's shirt repeatedly.

"Remember when you told me last week on Line that you wanted to eat authentic dimsum?"

Forth could see Beam's face slowly litting up just from his question alone. He grabbed Beam's hand, abruptly kissing his palm. It happened so fast that Beam wasn't able to respond. Forth couldn't help himself, not when Beam looks the way he does. He noticed Beam's cheeks turning pink from what he just did.

Beam cleared his throat. He pulled his hand back and crossed his arms.

"Yes. I remember." Beam answered nonchalantly as if he couldn't feel his face burning.

"You see that one right next to the teashop?"

His eyes followed where Forth was pointing.

"Yongheng De Ai? Huh." Beam slowly read the chinese sign hanging on the roof of the restaurant with his brows slightly twisted in confusion.

"You can read that?"

Beam nodded.

"What does it mean?"

"Nevermind that. Let's go. I'm starving." Beam held Forth by the wrist and dragged him.

"Table for two please!" Beam eagerly announced when they walked in. A group of six people were just about to exit. All of whom noticed Beam and Forth's hand, now intertwined. Beam remained oblivious.

A lady, fanning herself with a paper made into a fan sat near the kitchen door.

"Sit wherever you like young man." She answered Beam with a smile.

Beam immediately sat on the nearest chair. The restaurant was smaller than he expected. It was adorned with old paintings of various dimsum. It felt cozy and homey for Beam. He couldn't expressed his joy but he was ecstatic that they were the only ones inside now.

"Forth?-" Beam leaned closer to Forth across their table and whispered. "-I want a plate of xiao long bao."

"Of course." Forth had to restrain himself. Right there and then, he wanted to grab Beam by the nape, pull him closer for a kiss.

The wait wasn't too long when the plates of dimsum arrived. Forth watched as Beam ate wholeheartedly.

"Why aren't you eating?" Beam asked after gulping down the food in his mouth.

"I'm already full just looking at you."

Beam just glared at Forth playfully.

"No! No! No!"

The screaming was followed by an aggressive shaking of his head in refusal.

"Forth- Please listen to me."

"No! I d-don't want to! I fvcking don't want to!"

Forth stormed out of the living room and into the kitchen. Beam followed suit, his chest-beating at a rapid pace. He walked in on Forth leaning his forehead on the wall. His fist closed tightly, his knuckles were turning white.

"You don't l-love me anymore." He stuttered.

Beam froze from the accusation he just heard. His heart ached and felt like it was about to burst from his chest. A puddle of water formed where he stood caused by his jacket that has been dripping from the rain.

"You know that's not true," Beam uttered softly. A pang of hurt washed across him.

"I don't want this more than you do. But do you think there is a better choice?" His voice faltering towards the end.

They both fell silent. The sound of the  ticking clock from the living room filled the entire house. The rain outside only got stronger. A clap of thunder roared in between their silence. It was followed by lightning that Beam vaguely saw just outside the kitchen window.

"P-please. Baby. Don't do this." Forth turned to face Beam. His tears already falling, from the frustration, from the guilt. He walked towards Beam and held both his hands. He placed it on his lips and kissed both his palms. A smile of desperation hanged on his lips.

"I- I s-swear I can change. I'll be good. I promise. I-" Forth bargained.

With a weakening resolve, Beam managed to shake his head. He wanted to take back what he just told Forth before he started screaming 'no'. He held on to their hands. He wanted to take it all back..