I'm never gonna be as perfect as her, as beautiful as her, as smart as her, as good as her, as lovable as her.
She's my popular bestfriend, without her i'll be just invisible trash. A useless human being, a burden to all.
"Hey Jennie, are you okay? You're always spacing out lately." My bestfriend Jisoo ask me, she's looking at me with concern in her eyes. I just stare at her blankly, telling myself that I'm nothing compared to her.
"Yeah I'm fine, just thinking about the performance task that our Science teacher have given to us." I assured her even though my reply is a total lie. I fake a smile, for her not to worry.
"Don't think too much about it." She said with a sweet voice. I adjust my glasses that's slowly slipping down my nose. Then a group of boys and a few girls went to us and in a flash they surround Jisoo. They are all chatting and laughing with her, leaving me alone and making me feel invisible. All of them are our classmate last year and they only remember Jisoo since she's so smart, pretty, and kind.
Feeling that I'm no longer needed, I packed my lunch box and went out to the cafeteria leaving Jisoo with them. I know it's rude but I couldn't stand the aching pain in my chest and the negative thoughts running through my mind. I don't know where am I going, my feet take me into the school back garden.
Students all think that this place is creepy but I think this place is beautiful. The green grass, white daisies are dancing with the wind while my hair slightly pulled back. Feeling the comforting wind on my skin, my tears stream down on my face. I'm hearing voice on my head, telling me all my imperfections I have. The place i'm in is so peaceful and cheery but I couldn't help to feel pain in my heart.
I'm worthless, disgusting, a burden, useless, a trash and ugly! I can never be as smart as her, beautiful as her, kind as her, lovely as her, full of worth as her and perfect as her! I'm always gonna be a worthless to my family, no matter how many times I try to proved them wrong. They only gonna see my mistakes and nothing else. I'm better if i'm dead, the worlds doesn't need a trash like me to exist. I should just be dead.
This thought run through my head as I drop to my knees. All I can feel is the pain on my heart. Not because of heart break, it's because of stupid insecurities that my idiot self have.
"Why the heck are you crying?" My breath hitch as I heard a voice. I immediately recognize it. I wipe away some tears before replying.
"G-go away Lisa." I said trying to sound annoyed but instead my voice crack making me sound like a stupid cry baby.
I heard her sigh, footsteps coming to my side. In the corner of my eyes, I could see her black converse and the hem of her black jeans. Luckily, my hair is covering my face so she couldn't see my broken expression.
"I'm not going anywhere." She said then sit beside me. I shakily sigh sitting on the grass, hugging my knees and burying my face as tears tries to stream down again.
"I-it's none of your business." As those words slip down on my lips, tears started streaming down on my face again. I suddenly felt arms around my waist and a head rest on mine, pulling my body close to the person.
Lisa..
"I'm not leaving unless you give me a proper answer." She said sternly but softly. My heart pounds against my chest and my face heat up. But, the pain is still there.
Stop..
"It's a dumb reason." I mumbled but I know she heard it. Tears are slowly stopping even though I still feel painful, at the same time numb.
I'm not worth in your time..
"Tell me, I wouldn't laugh." She said pulling my body closer to her even more. I let go of my knees and lean my body to her chest, making her see my tear stained face and red colored eyes and nose from crying.
Why are you doing this to me..
"Like I said, It's a dumb reason." Instead of replying to me, she stayed quiet. "Back at the canteen, my old classmates approach us and they only notice Jisoo, but not me.. I got all insecure and run off crying here." I said quietly and softly, tears are threatening to fall again. I shift my position to make me burry my face at the crook of her neck.
I want you to leave me alone..
"It is a dumb reason." She said emotionless, I just stay quiet. "But if it's making you cry, it's not as dumb as it is." She continued.
Why did you choose to stay..
"Now you have your answer, you can now leave." I said, moving away from her. When I was about to stand up and walk to another part of the garden, far away from her. She grab my wrist, she make me sit down again. The next thing I knew, I am envelope with a warm embrace.
Why do you care? I'm just a trash..
"I'm still staying." She whisper to my ears, making me have a goosebumps. My stomach flip, my heart pounder against my chest even harder. That time, all the pain was away and was replace with pure bliss. The feeling of home, a very safe home.
"With me, you won't feel insecure at all Jennie.."
