My famous brothers

13. The sketchbook

Lucy's POV
I don't want to see anyone yet alone talk to anyone. But I'm too scared to leave my room. I don't want to risk being told off yet again by anyone else. So I walk over to my bag which I still haven't really bothered to unpack and after yesterday I don't think I'm really ready just yet to call either of these houses my 'home' just yet. I grab my sketchbook out of my bag along with my headphones and my phone. I play my music as loud as I can and soon get lost in my drawing. I don't want to even be in this room so I draw where I'd rather be. MY bedroom in MY house with my mum.

A lot of my drawings are like that. I've had this sketchbook even before my brothers left so at the beginning there's quite a few drawings of me and them from my favourite memories of the day with them. Then they disappear from the book and it's just me on the pages. And recently I've gone on to add mum in my drawings. Me and her together in our small little house. Though my brothers never seem to appear again in my book. At this rate I don't think they ever will.

In the corner of my eye I can just about make out the door to this room slowly opening. I look up and see Jake and then quickly look back down at my drawing. I don't want to talk to him. But it doesn't stop him. He walks over and sit down gently in front of me and waits for me to look up. I stay focused on my drawing as best I can but it's starting to bother me that he's there. He then gently taps me on the knee and I give in and look up at him. I pull one headphone out and glare at him.
"Hey bud." He says trying to be all playful and friendly in an attempt to win me over. It fails and I roll my eyes and look back down at my drawing. He sighs gently.
"Look I'm sorry about yesterday but you have to understand it was scary. I didn't know where you were or if you were safe or anything. And if I could I'd stay and spend the rest of the day trying to make it up to you but-" I cut him off I know what's coming. It's always the same thing.
"You have to go to set to film." I say bitterly. His work is more important to him than I am. He and Luke have both made that pretty clear.
"Lucy come on its-" I've had enough. I drop my sketchbook and storm out the room without saying another word.

Jakes POV
This is impossible. I can't keep her happy for more then a day. How do I keep messing this up? I'm about to get up and leave her room when I notice her sketchbook is wide open on the page she was drawing on.

I'd known she liked drawing but I had no idea that she was this good. I can make out the picture immediately. It's her and mum sat in her room on her bed hugging. I pick up the book out of curiosity and start to slowly flick through it. I go all the way to the front where I see all of the drawings of us and days we had together and even a few I'd forgotten about. Then as I move on it's suddenly only.... her. Sad and alone. She draws her fights and her tears in her eyes and how she would stand looking at the two doors.

Then there's a little folded up note that falls out. It looks quite old from its crumpled appearance. I gently unfolded it and started to read what it said. Though I wish I hadn't.

They left. They actually left. What did I do? Why am I not enough? What's some stupid career compared to family? I hate them. I hate how they hurt me. I hate how when I fight I wish I was fighting them. I hate how I have to come home and pretend everything's okay whilst mums trying her best to keep a roof over our heads. They call but the cowards don't ever talk to me their too 'busy' for me. Well then I'll just be too 'busy' for them. I'll ditch them. I'll make sure they feel that whatever career I have is 10 times more important to me then they ever were. I hate them. But I'd never do that, cause unlike them I actually cared and I wasn't as cold hearted. But now.... I'm not sure what I am. But I'm definitely not a sister to them.

Luke looks like he's about to throw up when he's done reading through the letter.
"Luke?" I'm genuinely concerned. I've never seen him so pale or unsteady.
"Where is she?" I don't recognise him. I know reading that wouldn't be easy for him but he had to know about it. But now his anger and pain is getting the better of him.
"I - I" I can't speak. I can't think. I can barely move as I watch Luke slowly turn into a person I don't ever want to know. Then before I know it he throws the paper on the ground and pushes past me. I turn around and see him angrily striding towards the front door of the house and I panic. He's going to find Lucy. I run across the street after him but I'm too late. When I run through the door I hear yelling. Then when I find them Luke has a hold of her wrist and she looks terrified.
"LUKE!" I yell in disgust and he snaps out of it completely, like he's been hypnotised or something. He looks at his hand and then at Lucy's terrified face. He lets go quickly and she runs away immediately and to my surprise hides behind me.

She grabs hold of me and I can feel her shaking with fear.
"I think you should leave." I say firmly looking at my brother in disgust. He doesn't move he's still trying to catch up but it's not helping Lucy. "NOW!" I yelled,
Though I felt back when I felt Lucy jump a little and quietly apologised to her. Then I watched as Luke slowly walked out feeling guilty. He didn't say anything but I could see the regret in his face.

Luke's POV
What the hell did I just do?! I don't even remember walking into Jakes house. All I know is reading Lucy's letter had hurt me more then I'd thought. I'd been angry but it wasn't with her it had been with me. The only thing I remember was yelling at her to stop making this my fault.... but it was. But when did I grab her wrist? The look in her eyes though. The little girl who had once looked up to me was now the girl who feared me.

I want so badly to go back and fix things but I know she won't want to see me. I look down at my watch and realise I'm late to set and there's not much point of me hanging around here so I get in my car and start driving down. But when I get there all I get is an earful from my manager and the director who are both yelling at me. But I'm not even listening I'm too busy thinking whether or not Lucy's okay. I just want her to be okay.

Lucy's POV
What had gotten in to him. That wasn't Luke. Or at least not the Luke I knew. I'd hidden behind Jake for safety which was strange because usually it was always the other way around. I was used to Jake occasionally losing his temper but he'd never gotten as mad as Luke. But the only other time I'd seen Luke loose his temper was when he came home after that fight. Someone at school had said something about our family and he'd snapped. We all tried to help him clean up and calm down but he'd just lashed out. But he only ever yelled and jerked away when mum came close with the cleaning wipes. But apart from that Luke had always been the calmest sibling.

I wanted to know what was going on with my brother but I was too afraid to ask in case that made things worse. Then as he left I saw the regret on his face which made me glad. He should feel guilty. Then once he'd left Jake turned around to me and gave me a hug and tried to calm me down. 
"Wait what about your film?" I asked pulling away remembering he needed to go to set to film.
"Your more important." I'm surprised to hear him say that. I thought he'd just go and from the look he was giving me I'd clearly shown that. So I just grabbed him and hugged him tightly, like I thought if I didn't he'd be gone the second I let go.

I spent the rest of the evening with Jake. Don't get me wrong I was still annoyed with both of them after yesterday but this was a start. We sat on the sofa the whole evening watching funny movies and eating ice cream straight out of the tub. Then after a few hours we both fell asleep cuddled up on the sofa.